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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed that my inlaws have bought my husband a playstation

120 replies

dw53 · 28/04/2015 18:45

they see my 2 boys(aged 1 and 3) approx. every 2 months and NEVER bring gifts they turned up at the weekend with a brand new playstation 3 as they think their never gets anything as all his money goes to paying for the house and kids!! I work full time earning the same as my husband and I have recently taken a weekend job to pay for a weekend away to celebrate my 2 sisters' 40th & 50th Birthdays. my parents gave us money for a family holiday for Christmas. my husband cannot see why i'm annoyed

OP posts:
laughingcow13 · 28/04/2015 19:49

Hi is their son.You are not their daughter

FirstOfficerDouglasRichardson · 28/04/2015 19:49

YABU. 2 parents bought their son a gift. They are perfectly entitled to and YABU for resenting them and him (and the gift) because of it.

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:55

twoodd I am not convinced the pils actually think this.

My mum buys me gifts from time to time, for no reason. If dh kicked off, I would be baffled.

The reason i am not, at this point, giving her the benefit of the doubt...is because she feels because her parents chose to give a family gift of money the pils MUST do the same sort of gift giving.

They are adults and can give gifts anyway they want. Have they banned the op from using it?

Hakluyt · 28/04/2015 19:58

"Are you more annoyed with the fact it's a playstation, and will therefore take his attention away from household jobs and the kids?"

Shouldn't be a problem if she married a grown up. If it is a problem then she has bigger worries than her pils buying their son a present.

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:58

Loki we have a 360, dh is grown up enough to not shirk his responsibilities because it's switched on. So many assumptions on here.

But I get in now if your son gets married you are permanently in the wrong. At least I know for future.

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:59

Couldn't agree more Hak

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 28/04/2015 20:01

"the unusual step of buying a very extravagant present"

A PS3 isn't extravagant. They're years old now, and have been superseded by the PS4.

LokiBear · 28/04/2015 20:02

Shewept, I think the comment 'if your son gets married you are permanently in the wrong' is an assumption too. And an incorrect one imo. Agree to disagree with you there.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 28/04/2015 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gruntfuttock · 28/04/2015 20:08

I think YABVVU and mean-spirited. In your place I'd be happy for him and think it was a nice thing to do.

Hi5Hello · 28/04/2015 20:11

This weekend I went to a craft fayre and bought my MIL a gift (shock - with own money...) so she can make my DN a present (Double Shock - not even for our own DD).

She sent DH a txt to say thanks, even though she probably knew he didn't have anything to do with it.

So I am now confused as FIL is not upset that I didn't get him something and I am not upset that I didn't get a personal thanks and DH is pleased he has such a thought wife who treats his mum. And my girls are not upset that Nana is making DN a gift and not them.

Is my family broken?

notquitegrownup2 · 28/04/2015 20:13

I get your frustration OP. I sense we may not know the whole story here.

Yes parents can buy their adult children gifts, but there seems to be a sense in which they are still regarding him as young, free and single. They rarely see their grandchildren and choose not to bring them gifts, but buy one for your dh. If they acknowledged you all as a family and bought him gifts too, that would be different, but you seem to feel ignored/overlooked, yes?

They suggest that he is working hard and needs a break, but do not acknowledge that you are doing so too, so again they seem to be overlooking you.

And they buy him a gift which will encourage him to play alone - it's not a wii for family fun, but a PS3, which he may well be playing alone on - again, not a problem for him to have a hobby and relax alone, but with two tiny children and a wife, spending time playing Fifa or CoD or whatever, may not be your idea of his priority at the moment.

If Im right then the key question is can you discuss with your dh how you perceive his parents - does he feel as if they are seeing him as a little boy or as a man with a family of his own now - and how does he feel about the way that they feel about you? If you are hurt, looking for a stronger relationship with them, or looking for his support then you need to talk to him about it (If he's not busy playing CoD now of course!)

Best of luck

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 28/04/2015 20:16

Also, my MIL bought me a computer that cost considerably more than a PS3. She didn't buy one for DH but he doesn't care. Clearly, we are all weird.

CookPassBabtrigde · 28/04/2015 20:24

Does your husband tell your parents when they can buy you presents and what they are allowed to buy you OP?

StarlingMurmuration · 28/04/2015 20:27

My dad bought me a car last year. My DP was just pleased we didn't have to use family money for it!

If my in laws bought him something nice like a PlayStation, I'd just be pleased he got a fun present. But then I actually like my DP.

Gruntfuttock · 28/04/2015 20:33

It must be horrible for your DH, knowing that you're annoyed that his parents bought him a present.

ImperialBlether · 28/04/2015 20:37

Is your husband the father of the children?

Gymbob · 28/04/2015 21:01

the only reason I'd be annoyed is that if it were my dh he'd spend all his time sat on on his arse playing it instead of putting up shelves or cutting the grass Confused

Aridane · 28/04/2015 21:07

Ha ha ha - parents buy their son a present! utterly utterly unreasonable thing to do, the bastards!

MammaTJ · 28/04/2015 21:07

My ILs tend to go over the top for presents for me, I find it embarrassing. I therefore ask for things for the house, so they now consider me boring.

I asked for a slow cooker for Christmas, when asked what I wanted. I expected them to pay £30 tops on a basic one. They went and spent over £80 on an 8 in 1 cooker which I love, so I have no idea how this feels.

I imagine it is hurtful but you could have fun with buying the DC games to play on it, to make it more of a family thing. Hopefully DH would be an agreement with this and can see how bad this has made you feel!

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/04/2015 21:24

I think at the very least the DH needs to acknowledge that OP is feeling very unappreciated and buy her a bunch of flowers.
If he's just full of glee and excited about HIS new toy, she has bigger problems than the PIL.

Hakluyt · 28/04/2015 21:52

"My ILs tend to go over the top for presents for me, I find it embarrassing"

Grin You really are always in the wrong as a mil aren't you?

msgrinch · 28/04/2015 21:56

Why on earth does he need to buy her flowers because his parents brought him something? She's a grown up! They treated him to a present, which she could use if she wants.

morethanpotatoprints · 28/04/2015 22:03

I'm glad my future dil isn't like this.
I treat my son to thinks most times I see him.
If I give him £50 for fuel, or a present, playstation game, etc. she wouldn't expect something.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 28/04/2015 22:08

StarlingMurmuration
If my in laws bought him something nice like a PlayStation, I'd just be pleased he got a fun present. But then I actually like my DP.

I think I'm having sugar withdrawal but that made me laugh a disproportionate amount Grin