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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my inlaws have bought my husband a playstation

120 replies

dw53 · 28/04/2015 18:45

they see my 2 boys(aged 1 and 3) approx. every 2 months and NEVER bring gifts they turned up at the weekend with a brand new playstation 3 as they think their never gets anything as all his money goes to paying for the house and kids!! I work full time earning the same as my husband and I have recently taken a weekend job to pay for a weekend away to celebrate my 2 sisters' 40th & 50th Birthdays. my parents gave us money for a family holiday for Christmas. my husband cannot see why i'm annoyed

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/04/2015 19:18

But it isn't the same as it isn't the man who is choosing to spend money on himself rather than the family.

but the message is exactly the same - poor DH deserves a treat, wife is somehow less deserving/in need of/entitled to treats, despite being an equal contributor to their finances etc. Hell even is she was not earning and was a SAHM this would not be "fair". If the ILs had bought her a spa day worth the same as the PS, or maybe even a nice bunch of flowers as some sort of appreciation, she would not feel like this!

Bogeyface · 28/04/2015 19:18

But Down dont you see it isnt about the OP getting one too, thats just an illustration of the unfairness. They view her husbands contribution as far more important to the family than the OPs and this was demonstrated by the fact that he was the only one who got treated.

msgrinch · 28/04/2015 19:18

I earned more than exdp, brought more to the family etc. I didn't bother me when his mother brought him an ipad and me nothing. She's not my mum.

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:18

So let me get this right, when my daughter is married I can't buy him a gift without it either is wifes permission and buying her something?

Sorry I don't get this at all. It's hard that your parents can't help you out, but nth a ps3 is something I would consider a family present. Could get net flicks, watch devs, there are games a three year old can play. My ds did at 3 on occasion.

It seems that you are upset his parents can afford things and yours can't. And that they are buying the 'wrong' presents.

Bogeyface · 28/04/2015 19:18

And obviously it was done like that, otherwise the OP wouldnt have said it was and wouldnt be pissed off.

gamerchick · 28/04/2015 19:19

Man that is a bit shit. They could have got him a decent machine.

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:20

bogey but they are his parents, why not treat him? He is still their son.

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:21

Sorry just seen that your parents gave you money for Christmas. Well that's their choice to make, it's their money.

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:23

Yes because no option has ever got unreasonable rage against their pills, have they!

Hakluyt · 28/04/2015 19:25

Now the "in laws are always in the wrong brigade" are really going to have to do some gymnastics with this one! But they'll manage. Because all contact with a family has to be mediated through the wife. Always.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 28/04/2015 19:27

Bogeyface
But Down dont you see it isnt about the OP getting one too, thats just an illustration of the unfairness. They view her husbands contribution as far more important to the family than the OPs and this was demonstrated by the fact that he was the only one who got treated.

Not really. You could look at anything that way - look for something sinister/negative. But the parents shouldn't have bothered - all of the joy sucked out of it.

LucilleBluth · 28/04/2015 19:28

YABU and you know it.....he's their SON.

Hakluyt · 28/04/2015 19:28

Oh, except when all contact has to be through the man because the wife has decided to have absolutely no contact at all because " they aren't my family"......

Littlemonstersrule · 28/04/2015 19:28

Their money, their son. Why should she have to ask permission to buy a gift or buy the DIL something too? Who on earth would want to be a MIL?

magoria · 28/04/2015 19:30

OP is annoyed that they think that her contribution to the family means fuck all and her poor H pays all his money over for her.

Actually no they don't even think she contributes. When she gives just as much as her H does.

It is their opinion of her and that her H lets them consider this rather than saying that is very nice but OP and I contribute equally and it deserves to be acknowledge as such which is pissing her off.

confused79 · 28/04/2015 19:32

Are you more annoyed with the fact it's a playstation, and will therefore take his attention away from household jobs and the kids?

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:32

God mn makes me dreas my 4 year old daughter growing upbandbgetting married. My brothers wife is a nightmare to my mum. It's like looking at my future. I am off to have a cuddle with ds, try and get as many in as i can.

No wonder my mil loves m, if thisbisbwhat she expected from a dil .

confused79 · 28/04/2015 19:33

Don't worry I've read the op properly, my bad Blush

shewept · 28/04/2015 19:35

magoria you got that from the OP?

Maybe the opportunity is just jealous? And she thinks the pils think that, but they don't. Maybe they saw it and thought ' oh dear might like that and the kids can play on it when they are older'

Lavenderice · 28/04/2015 19:39

Really, people are getting upset because his parents bought him a present. Just when I think mumsnet can't surprise me any more.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 28/04/2015 19:42

Oh for fuck sake! I think you're looking WAY too much into this OP and completely over reacting. Parents bought their son a gift, since when did they need your permission? I'd like to know exactly what comment they made when they gave him the gift and if they actually said "we think you never get anything son as your money goes on the house and kids".

TwoOddSocks · 28/04/2015 19:43

shewept

Seriously? When your DS is married you can buy him a present but you certainly can't adopt a "poor you giving all of your money away" attitude unless you want to seriously piss off your future DiL.

Personally if my DS is married with kids I'd never think to only buy presents for him and none for the family as a whole, especially if you know they're strapped for cash.

missingmumxox · 28/04/2015 19:44

Fuck me! Mother buys son present shock!

And I am loving the pil haters who have decided that this present is a dig that poor old son does it all...no this is how the op has decided to take it, nothing in her description reads that way.

Yabu

TwoOddSocks · 28/04/2015 19:46

Look OP obviously has the impression that PiL think his contribution is more significant than hers. Since she has met her ILs and none of us have and since they made the unusual step of buying a very extravagant present for their DS but none for the family or even their grandchildren why not give the OP the benefit of the doubt. Why do you all think you have more insight into her situation than she does?

LokiBear · 28/04/2015 19:48

They didn't buy a treat though, they bought him a toy. Those games are addictive and the op's dh is obviously going to want to play. It will impact on family life if he plays it a lot and I can see how that would worry or upset the op with two young children of 1 & 3. I have a very vivid memory of going for a bath when my dd was little, trying to ignore her cries because she was with her dad and I wanted to show dh I trusted him, only to come down stairs to find dh on the bloody games console whilst dd cried in the bouncer next to him and he was shushing and saying her name whilst trying to complete the 'level'. I wanted to throw the bloody thing out of the window. I'm not saying the op's husband will be the same, but I can understand why she feels annoyed. That and the fact that it suggests that her dh is hard done by because his wages fund the running of his home. Obviously, not everyone agrees with you, op, but I get where you are coming from.