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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not have a photo of grandparents in DCs rooms?

28 replies

PlasmaMatters · 27/04/2015 16:04

My mum was put out I didn't put some pics of her and granddad in my DCs rooms that she gave us. My DCs didn't really grow up with them as we lived in another country when they smaller and now they only see them every other month or so. I am not in a good relationship with my parents, my dad was an almost bi-polar type of alcoholic who drank on my birthday and that sort of thing when I was growing up. I view it as a kind of narcissist and creepy on my mum's part, that she thinks it's important the DCs have photo of GPs in their rooms. I guess I don't really feel IABU, but wondered if anyone else did this? I guess I don't want to see my parents that much and therefore don't want to see their faces at my DCs bedtime...

OP posts:

18yearstooold · 27/04/2015 16:07

I don't have any grandparent photos on display in the house anywhere, never mind in the DCs rooms -seems a bit odd

LindyHemming · 27/04/2015 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DayLillie · 27/04/2015 16:10

My DC didn't have photos of their grandparents in their rooms - they were in the photo album, and later on the computer

There are photos of my ILs on their wedding day and my DM as a baby on the landing that I inherited after they died. They are nice happy photos.

sanquhar · 27/04/2015 16:12

the only photos up in our house are the kids schools ones.

Gps photos in the bedrooms? just....odd.

base9 · 27/04/2015 16:13

Um... no. YANBU. I suspect that's an 'issue' that has never come come up for most of us!

namechange0dq8 · 27/04/2015 16:15

My mum was put out I didn't put some pics of her and granddad in my DCs rooms

She's odd. I've never heard of anyone putting photographs of grandparents (or any other relative, dead or alive) in children's rooms.

thegreylady · 27/04/2015 16:16

Good Heavens! I have 9 dgc and don't expect anyone to have photos of me or should on display anywhere never mind in bedrooms! My ddil in Turkey has a lot of family pics around especially of her deceased father but not in the bedrooms! I have lots and lots of dgc pics on display but that's a grandma's privilege :)

Teladi · 27/04/2015 16:18

Definitely YANBU.

However I don't think family photos in bedrooms are necessarily odd!! In my DD's room she has a photo collage that features many of her relatives (all grandparents, great-grandparents, aunties and uncles etc). She likes to look at it with me and point out people in the photos. If you're not close with your parents/in-laws however it's definitely not compulsory

Original poster

PlasmaMatters · 27/04/2015 16:19

Ok thanks. My mum stated she couldn't understand why they wouldn't want to have pics of grandparents in the room and got kind of upset. I understand some families are very close and this might be the case, but I don't think my DCs would even notice if the photo was there or not as they can't use it in a video game or kick it across the garden!

OP posts:

Morelikeguidelines · 27/04/2015 16:22

She is odd. Why would this be a thing? My dd happens to have a sort of photo wallet thing on her door with lots of pics in it, which happen to include her gps. But not by any kind if design or this being necessary.

Teladi · 27/04/2015 16:24

My DD is still pretty small as well, when she is older I'm not sure if she'll still want the family collage!

FadedRed123 · 27/04/2015 16:25

You are not being unreasonable to not want to be constantly reminded of past difficult times.
What photos you put up in your house is up to you, not someone else, even your Mother.
What she doing in your childrens' rooms anyway?
I had an aunt who used to keep all the relatives wedding photo's in a cupboard then display the appropriate one when they visited. Thought that was sweet of her, but a chance jokey remark by DH 'outed' her and she was quite embarrassed about (so was DH when he realised he'd upset her) and our photo never appeared again! Perhaps you could think of ostentatiously displaying the photo when she visits and then putting it away when she leaves with a satisfied smirk on your face until she forgets about it, then just put them in the bin leave them in the cupboard.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 27/04/2015 16:32

I didn't know it was expected! We have one pic out on display and that's one of dd when she was younger. Any family I don't see often I speak to often on the phone

drspouse · 27/04/2015 16:34

My DCs only ever get post from my DM (DD found her cow postcard very delicious, while DS was rather more vocally delighted with his donkey from Ireland and soldiers from London) and those get put up in the DCs' room.

My DM finds this charming, and wouldn't suggest her own picture be put up. Perhaps if they chose something for the decor (sounds like yours are too old for picture postcards)?

TwoLittleTerrors · 27/04/2015 16:38

I don't have any pictures of my or DH's parents in our house. Is this a normal thing to have?

Gusthetheatrecat · 27/04/2015 16:38

YANBU. Like Teladi, I have an assortment of family pictures in my girls' rooms. I spent some time finding nice ones and putting them in a multi-aperture frame for them to point at and learn names when they were little. Especially if we didn't see anyone for a little while!
But this is definitely an extra. It's not expected. And I would find it deeply odd if I'd not done it and anyone had got offended.

BestZebbie · 27/04/2015 16:41

We have photos of a handful of close-but-don't-live-with-us family members in DS room because he is a baby and hasn't yet learned who they are. By the time he is familiar with them and remembers who they are between visits, he will also be of an age to start having input in the room decoration, and I am assuming the family photos will come down.

SunnyBaudelaire · 27/04/2015 16:41

I do not have any pix of anyone on display - does that make me a bad person? There is one of my mum somewhere.....probably still in a box from our last house move . as for pix of GPs in DCs rooms, never heard of it.

winterinmadeira · 27/04/2015 16:41

Yanbu. I come from a v close family and we never had photos in our bedrooms at all.

ouryve · 27/04/2015 16:44

Your house, your kids, your choice.

Apart from a few pics of the boys on the fridge, we don't have any photos around the house.

dobbythedoggy · 27/04/2015 19:15

Dd is only two but would be horrified at the throught of being forced to have a photo of anyone in her room. It is her space and she's already very vocal about what she wants to display on the walls etc.

She does have the picture of a very good friend of mine, her 'auntie', who spoils her rotten and has worked hard to develop a meaningful relationship with her despite the fact she's in NY. She also has a picture of her great grandpa who died long before she was born, which is one of her treasures since my dad let her take it home, she loves seeing her popa and his popa (poliece) car. She is also very proud the glarery on her own work, which does feature some rather intresting inturpritations of other family members. My particular favourite is the great nanny is a mean dinosaur drawing! She also has posters and a couple of canves that she has chosen herself or borrowed from kind family members.

Dh and I have never displayed photographs, but I have created some photo albums since dd was born. Which I personally find so much eaiser than frames that clumsy dh with inevitably knock over or off and break.

I have a feeling my mil would have similar reaction to your mother if she took the time to have a closer look at dd's room.

ImAlpharius · 27/04/2015 19:43

Do you remember having photos of your grandparents in your room as a child?

Treeceratops · 27/04/2015 19:52

Nope. I have a photo of dad, sis and GPs in mine and DH's room but that's only due to lack of space downstairs. It would never occur to me to put any photos in DS's room.

DixieNormas · 27/04/2015 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hakluyt · 27/04/2015 20:46

I made picture books for my children with all their "special people" in it- particularly the ones they didn't see very often. They loved looking at the pictures and asking about people-could you do something like that?

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