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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

engaged

34 replies

tashabump2 · 27/04/2015 15:58

AIBU to actually want people in my family to be excited for us? My mum doesn't want to help me plan and my sister is just being jealous and making remarks on my ring and my outfit for engagement party! I never want to be the centre of attention but I just want my family to be excited

OP posts:

MangoJuggler · 27/04/2015 16:00

Awwwww what a bunch o' misery gutses

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 27/04/2015 16:01

YANBU - congratulations!

drbonnieblossman · 27/04/2015 16:01

Congratulations!

It's hard to feel everyone doesn't share your excitement but don't let it out a dampener on things. This is about you and your OH.

Do they get on with your oh?

SanityClause · 27/04/2015 16:02

Awwwww!

Congratulations.

I'm sorry to your family aren't more excited for you.

Gush away here, if you want to, but be prepared for people to try to shoot you down, a bit. 'Tis the MN way.

Ludoole · 27/04/2015 16:10

Can we swap families??? My mother has already bought her outfit for my wedding and we havent set a date yet!!!

tashabelfast · 27/04/2015 16:23

Ask thanks everyone had a wee tear there!

Drbonnie yeah they live him to bits and we have been together 7 and a half years with 2kids, they love him like a son.

Ludoole have you even told her a colour to buy lol? I want to set my date asap and then have like 2yrs to plan

pictish · 27/04/2015 16:26

It's quite hard to get excited about a wedding beyond "congratulations!" when said wedding is two years away...no matter whose it is.

Ludoole · 27/04/2015 16:26

Not fussed on colours. In all honesty id rather elope but my life wouldn't be worth living!!

gamerchick · 27/04/2015 16:29

You can't book the registrar more than a year in advance so I wouldn't worry. Do that first though before you book everywhere else.

Other planning just crack on... My parental a weren't that arsed either which was disappointing but what can you do.

Congratulations

Heels99 · 27/04/2015 16:29

Its quite unusual to have engagement parties nowadays. But have one if you want!

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 27/04/2015 16:31

I hope I'll get excited when my daughter gets engaged, even if the wedding is a little way off

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2015 16:40

Congratulations

yeah they live him to bits and we have been together 7 and a half years with 2kids, they love him like a son.

See maybe that's it? Because you've been together for so long, have kids and (I assume) live together?

They probably feel as though you're already engaged?

tashabelfast · 27/04/2015 16:43

Ludoole I want to just elope as well but we both would have no family left lol

If my children got engaged and the wedding was 5yrs after I would still be excited for them and wana get excited about planning if they wanted me envolved but I guess everyone is different!

Gamerchick I'm starting to think the same, it just seems as soon as the spot light is took of my mum or sis they have to do something to get it back on them again....they are miserable

tashabelfast · 27/04/2015 16:45

Worraliberty yeah I think that's probly why although my dad is excited he wants to take me to venues anol so we can be happy in secret lol

pictish · 27/04/2015 16:55

Sorry I sound a misery down there. Congratulations

I do agree with Worra - you're already committed to one another in living together as a family with your kids. With that and the wedding being so far in the future, I'm not sure it's quite the stuff of surprised delight and anticipation. You might find your mum more eager to get involved nearer the time.

BackforGood · 27/04/2015 17:03

What Worra said.
Someone getting engaged is/was more of a 'thing' when people weren't living together beforehand and didn't have dc. The fact you have been together this long, and presumably have already made a pretty big commitment in having 2 dc (and presumably a home) together, then it's not really a 'thing' to be engaged in most people's eyes.
'Engaged' is a promise to be married, not really a thing in itself, so as your circumstances aren't really changing at the moment, I wouldn't expect other people to be making much of a fuss to be fair to them.

(Presuming that tashabelfast, is the same person as tashabump2 ???)

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 27/04/2015 17:13

Perhaps they have read the wedding threads on MN

Heels99 · 27/04/2015 17:28

Ah ok well as you have been together for years and have two kids I can understand why the 'engaged' status isn't resulting in a lot of attention and why having an engagement party is being questioned. Can you bring the wedding forward as two years away when you have already been together for years is perhaps excessive? They might get a bit more excited I if it was more imminent.

AuntyMag10 · 27/04/2015 17:28

Congrats!
However you've already had kids, living together and living like a married couple. Maybe they just see it as a formality type thing instead.

Jackie0 · 27/04/2015 17:33

They will make up for it when the wedding comes around.
I think its lovely , I love a bit of romance, and I really love a wedding.
Quite a long engagement, I would not be able to wait that long myself

msgrinch · 27/04/2015 18:03

Congratulations!!!!

tashabelfast · 27/04/2015 19:31

The engagement party isn't being questioned everyone here is up for the party apart from my sis and the fact we are together so long and got engaged is a miracle cause i wanted to be married when i was 19 which is why I thought people would be more excited. I guess I'm just like jackieo and a romantic but not everyone is.

Thanks for everyone's opinion they have made me see different points of view :)

Iwasbornin1993 · 27/04/2015 19:41

I feel for you OP??

My family were a bit like this after we got engaged too. They were great immediately after - champagne, excitedly telling the extended family etc - but once we told them it would be quite a long engagement they seemed like they didn't want to know for a while. It was really deflating as I wanted to plan and discuss things even if it was a while off but noone seemed interested. Now however, the wedding is all booked for next year (we'll have been engaged for a little over 3 years and together for 8 once it comes around) and they couldn't be more involved with everything! So I've tried to not let the first 18 months get to me and took it as it must have just been too far away at the time! Hopefully your family will be the same - if not then who cares! The main thing is that you and your H2B are happy so stuff everyone else

Congratulations

DoJo · 27/04/2015 19:53

It was really deflating as I wanted to plan and discuss things even if it was a while off but noone seemed interested.

Honestly - I couldn't have mustered up the enthusiasm to talk about my own wedding for that long in advance of the big day, so I can understand the feelings of those who don't want conversation dominated by a wedding for three years! There really is nothing new under the sun when it comes to weddings, especially when you know that none of the decisions need to be finalised for months and months to come, so perhaps holding back a bit and playing the long game will mean people are more excited when the time actually comes.

BackforGood · 27/04/2015 20:08

Same as dojo
I love a nice wedding myself, but really don't want to be involved in hearing all the miniature details of someone else's, except perhaps when things are first announced. If it's not for a couple of years, then it's not "an exciting thing" for anyone except yourself I'm afraid.

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