Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To take all the shopping back tomorrow.

116 replies

Excitedforxmas · 25/04/2015 21:08

Have had a lovely day out shopping today with 12 ye old dd. kitted her in new summer clothes, sandals, bath bombs and lunch.
Have come home tried on all the clothes and then told her to tidy up her room.
Well my goodness she has jus had the biggest wobbler ever saying I've ruined her lovely relaxing day.
Bare in mind she's promised me all week she would do it today so it was no great shock.
2 hours she's been upstairs sobbing and stomping.
So I've packed all the shopping back up and it's all going back tomorrow- ungrateful brat!

OP posts:

JumpRope · 25/04/2015 21:11

Ahh, was she exhausted after a day out?

Could you give her another chance tomorrow? Oh dear, I have this kind of thing to look forward to. Dd is currently 3!

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 25/04/2015 21:11

She will still need the clothes.

I wouldn't take them back, but if my DC pulled that behaviour then I would use my normal sanctions for the behaviour.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/04/2015 21:13

This is exactly the kind of thing I'd expect from. my dd. She's only 8 but this behaviour is exactly the kind of thing I get. as if she's determined to sabotage anything nice I try and do.

You have my deepest sympathies.

JumpRope · 25/04/2015 21:13

What are the normal sanctions, piper?

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 25/04/2015 21:13

I wouldn't take it back as its too much hassle, but I would withhold it until she saw the error of her ways!!

I have a DS the same age, like bagging your head on a brick wall isn't it

Summerisle1 · 25/04/2015 21:14

It sounds rather harsh. Also, I'm presuming she still needs summer clothes so you may be in danger of punishing yourself here if you take them all back only to have to go shopping again anyway. Instead, I'd be applying different sanctions. For starters, the room is tidied tomorrow before any planned outings/screen time.

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 21:16

She's just playing up, just think of her like a toddler, she's probably tired

Don't let her have any of the stuff you got until she's done her bedroom and apologised rather than taking it back.

Did you really believe her when she promised she'd do it? Really?? hahahahaha

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 25/04/2015 21:22

Tantrum for not doing bedroom = a reduction in pocket money.

Both DC have a maximum of £5 a week. For this their bedrooms must be tidy with washing put in the basket and to get homework done.

Maybe83 · 25/04/2015 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 21:33

You're not taking the clothes back (obviously) and you're the adult so your day wasn't ruined by her daft tantrum at the end.

Ignore the whole thing and don't let her out tomorrow/on tv and Internet before her rooms tidy.

And have a glass of wine because you bloody need one.

mrsmeerkat · 25/04/2015 21:35

Ooh, tough one.

I would be a sting if I had done all of these nice things and then got a wobbler thrown at me so I sympathise but I remember being 12

I wanted to be independent and I remeber not wearing an outfit my mother bought. horrible orange culottes... She never bought me anything again except the essentials. I really don have a good relationsp with her.

Talk to her calmly tomorrow.

mrsmeerkat · 25/04/2015 21:35

I would be fuming.. Not sting

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/04/2015 22:02

My DD is nearly 13 and she loves to clothes shop.

TBH, I'd have left it till tomorrow (the tidying)
If it was a deal breaker then she should've done it before you took her out.
But she is probably shattered and the thought of tidying tonight isn't the way to end her lovely day.

Bath. Bed. Sleep.
Tomorrow she can tidy , then get her clothes. Don't take them back

ragged · 25/04/2015 22:04

No knee jerk decisions. Only act when you know you're calm.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/04/2015 22:06

Ohh sympathies. Don't take the clothes back you'll really escalate this into somewhere you don't want it to go.

Next time... and there WILL be a next time - only do the treat stuff when all the chores are done so it's something to look forward to and nothing nasty like bedroom tidying when she gets back.

She's overtired - and I think you are too. She was all excited about trying on clothes and wallop - bedroom needs to be tidied. Too, too much at that age!

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 22:15

Agree it probably would have been best to have left the bedroom until tomorrow, or if it had to be done today to give her a set time of 20 mins or specific tasks.

Doing Your Room is an endless task in DD1s case but I can kind of understand where you were coming from trying to ride the tide of goodwill you thought you'd built up during the day.

Hope it's calmed down a bit now OP

ChippyMinton · 25/04/2015 22:25

YABU to expect her to tidy her room at 7pm after a busy and lovely day. Hormones and tiredness are definitely a factor, yes. But put yourself in her shoes, how would you have felt if you had to do chores then?

PeachyPants · 25/04/2015 22:26

I'd be cross too. I think it's generally better to get the treats after the desired behaviour, so nice shopping trip out only after her bedroom is done. I think I'd go for the option of putting all the stuff away and letting her earn it back through tidying and good behaviour, taking it back will just sour the whole experience for both of you and perpetuate the ill feeling.

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 22:30

People seriously excuse this behaviour because of tiredness she's 12 not 2.

I wouldn't take them back OP. I would be withholding them though. Tidies her room, shows she's sorry then maybe she can have them.

Sorry your day has been soured.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 22:36

No, no. We're 'excusing the behaviour' cos she's 12, hormonal and er. .. All 12 year are a bit arseholey at times

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 22:39

None are an excuse to strop and stomp

That behaviour wouldn't be acceptable at school, why at home?

Mamiof3 · 25/04/2015 22:42

Don't take them back, what a ballache that will be and she'll just hate you for it, she won't 'learn her lesson' and never dare to defy you again believe me!! Best to use bribery for the room tidying ie. Shopping after room is done, and don't get too hung up on a perfect room, my dds was a nightmare then she turned 15 ish and suddenly got really into having a tidy room and being organised etc, asking for storage boxes and wall planners

Have a and talk to her about keeping calm and keeping her emotions in check tomorrow then hug it out.

Icimoi · 25/04/2015 22:43

Would the shops take the stuff back? You're giving yourself an awful lot of hassle going for that option. I second hiding it away and making her earn it back.

Whether she's hormonal, tired, or anything else, she really needs to learn a bit of self control and consideration. She can't be that tired, anyway, if she has enough energy for two hours of stomping around and dramatics

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 22:44

I can be a bit short if I'm tired Grays, I don't mean to be and it's easier for me as an adult to keep it in check and not take it out on anyone, but at 12 it's maybe not so easy.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 22:44

But children often cry for hours at home instead of school, it's where they're safe

She's not crying and sobbing for two hours because she enjoys it

Flip

1 2 3 4 5