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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take all the shopping back tomorrow.

116 replies

Excitedforxmas · 25/04/2015 21:08

Have had a lovely day out shopping today with 12 ye old dd. kitted her in new summer clothes, sandals, bath bombs and lunch.
Have come home tried on all the clothes and then told her to tidy up her room.
Well my goodness she has jus had the biggest wobbler ever saying I've ruined her lovely relaxing day.
Bare in mind she's promised me all week she would do it today so it was no great shock.
2 hours she's been upstairs sobbing and stomping.
So I've packed all the shopping back up and it's all going back tomorrow- ungrateful brat!

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 26/04/2015 00:08

FWIW, they found it racist because an Irish person was being called it in the workplace

Only one person thought it was offensive in relation to 'they're having a paddy'

And since people on here get offended by you not opening your curtains in the daytime I'm not really going to take one person on one threads word for it when the people I chose to call my family think its ridiculous.

Thanks for pointing it out though, I'm sure you had the best of intentions.

Mamiof3 · 26/04/2015 00:09

Oops yes sorry op do let us know how you get on in the morning with dd. Hopefully just a blip. And I do think I offered some advice or perspective earlier on in the thread Grin

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2015 00:09

I did Grin

Nayville · 26/04/2015 00:09

You don't know what I think, so stop assuming!

GraysAnalogy · 26/04/2015 00:10

Sorry again OP Blush

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2015 00:10

Have the best of intentions that is Grin

And obviously posted to the op earlier.

That's the thing about convos, they get waylaid while people chew the far

Nayville · 26/04/2015 00:11

Sorry Op!

HappinessHappening · 26/04/2015 01:28

Yanbu

I'd take back all but the bare essentials that you'd need to buy again and would make it very clear that behaviour like that will not be tolerated, especially after you'd treated her to such a nice day

I'm sure she is tired and that she didnt want to tidy her room but there is no way I'd accept 2 hours of sobbing and stomping over such a simple request
(And yes I have a 12yo as well as 2 older teens)

lindajones76 · 26/04/2015 01:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NickiFury · 26/04/2015 01:58

Piss off Linda and take your advertising with you.

Too harsh OP. I think you should let it calm down and have a chat tomorrow.

TheCatsFlaps · 26/04/2015 02:12

Yeah, fuck off Linda Angry

BigChocFrenzy · 26/04/2015 02:38

I've reported as spam

HelenF350 · 26/04/2015 05:30

Speak to her in the morning, if she refuses to tidy her room again then take the stuff back. Next time do not take her shopping until the room is tidy Smile

UncleT · 26/04/2015 06:00

Agree with returning anything she doesn't actually need in terms of essentials. TWO HOURS of tantrum about this at 12 is absolutely ridiculous and shouldn't be tolerated.

UncleT · 26/04/2015 06:05

And yes - paddy in respect of tantrums simply has no connection to Irish people or names in the slightest. It is something totally different. It would be like banning the word coconut because it can be used as an offensive, racial slur.

letscookbreakfast · 26/04/2015 07:40

Fuck it I'd take everything back if my child had a two hour tantrum, there's no need to behave like that over a simple request.

PinkFondantFancy · 26/04/2015 07:50

Hmmm well mine aren't this old yet so probably one of those things that's easy to say when they're not yours, but are those clothes etc. just a reward for being compliant and doing what she's told then? Because if you take them back, that's the message you're giving. Also, why does it matter whether her room is tidy or not? It's her room!

UncleT · 26/04/2015 07:55

No it isn't. The message is behave badly, don't expect treats.

BuriedSardine · 26/04/2015 07:55

Harsh, OP.

Chose your battles. She's 12, her emotions are all over the place, she needs you to help her learn to manage them.

After a lovely day, what was the point of insisting her room be tidied? Couldn't you have let it go and looked at what she'd got, tried it on etc?

Poor girl, I feel sorry for her crying upstairs with you escalating the situation threatening to take everything back and having a temper tantrum of your own downstairs.

Hopefully you've both calmed down overnight and you can sort out the situation in a less draconian fashion.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/04/2015 08:22

Hi Op. Your did is not an ungrateful bRat. She's just a typical 12 year old girl. She's not abnormal stomping around when she's asked to do something she'd rather not. They've very temperamental and hormonal at that age, and that's a reason not an excuse.
As another poster said. Perhaps it would have been better if you had got dd to tidy her room before you took her shopping good advice but not much use to you after the event. Perhaps something to be mindful of though for future reference.
To me life is stressful enough, without having a row a minute it's about picking your battles. It's only an untidy room. Not the end of the world. She will get round it.
I don't think you should take her clothes back though. She needs clothes. They aren't a treat. She cNt go out and earn her own money so that's while an understandable statement when you're feeling angry and unappreciated is do I do say a silly statement.

Mandatorymongoose · 26/04/2015 12:45

I was feeling a bit hormonal and a bit sad about something I'd been reading last night and I sat on the floor and had a good sob for about 10 minutes. I wouldn't ever do that at work - so I think the 'well you can behave at school' comments are a bit pointless. Home isn't school.

When my DD was a similar age my deal with her was that I did a bedroom check on a Friday after school. Assuming it was tidy she could go out with her friends over the weekend / week. If it wasn't she couldn't.

It meant she could chose when to tidy it - a bit at a time through the week or in a mad rush when she got home on a Friday and the concequences were always clearly set out. It gave her responsibility for prioritising it. There were very very few weeks she didn't make the deadline and had to stay in.

Mandatorymongoose · 26/04/2015 12:46

o

Original poster
Excitedforxmas · 26/04/2015 14:13

Gosh my thread got a bit sidetracked. Thanks for all the useful comments. She took herself off to bed last night and came in VERY apologetic this morning. Had a good chat with her this morning and she's earning her new clothes back. So far earned a jumper lol!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 14:23

Pleased to hear that she's apologised and things are going well today, Excited :)

Bettercallsaul1 · 26/04/2015 14:36

That was definitely the right policy, OP - letting her earn the stuff back. It would have been too strict imo to remove it permanently but you did have to take some disciplinary action.