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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take all the shopping back tomorrow.

116 replies

Excitedforxmas · 25/04/2015 21:08

Have had a lovely day out shopping today with 12 ye old dd. kitted her in new summer clothes, sandals, bath bombs and lunch.
Have come home tried on all the clothes and then told her to tidy up her room.
Well my goodness she has jus had the biggest wobbler ever saying I've ruined her lovely relaxing day.
Bare in mind she's promised me all week she would do it today so it was no great shock.
2 hours she's been upstairs sobbing and stomping.
So I've packed all the shopping back up and it's all going back tomorrow- ungrateful brat!

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 23:32

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1120539-To-object-to-being-called-Paddy/AllOnOnePage

Here it is.

thinkingmakesitso · 25/04/2015 23:35

Grays can you really not see how home is different from school? How a parent who has to nurture, love and bring up a child can and should deal with situations differently from a teacher responsible for educating 30 children at a time? My dc are perfect at school; I could never expect that from them at home, it would be cruel. As a secondary school teacher I have lost count of the number of times I have praised a child's behaviour for the parent to tell me they are a 'handful' at home. It's what they do, and rightly so imo, even though it is a pain to deal with at times.

And at all the posters who are bemused that a 12 year old can get tired and that this could impact on their behaviour.

OP, I really don't see why you didn't make her tidy the room before shopping if it was that important. Taking the clothes back would escalate the situation, carry it on to tomorrow and leave a sour reminder when you, inevitably, have to go and buy her summer clothes again at a later date. Hugs and for you definitely needed.

BabyGanoush · 25/04/2015 23:38

I would not escalate the situation.

Pick your battles. She can tidy up tomorrow.

Shame to let it ruin your day

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/04/2015 23:41

Lauriefairycake... If Irish people can use the term freely and we have no way of knowing who is and isn't Irish, it stands to reason that there's nothing to say about it. If a knowingly offensive term was/is used it would be reported to kingdom come. I don't want to derail OP's thread so I'll leave it there.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/04/2015 23:44

OP, your daughter will probably be very apologetic once she's calmed down. I can remember overreacting at the most benign instructions and being most unreasonable sometimes.

Definitely leave the treats as an incentive in future; that way, the chores get done and, if the treats don't happen it's on her, not you.

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 23:46

Seriously youre using that thread laurie?

In which an Irish person was called Paddy as derogatory name because they were Irish? Of course that's offensive. But what has that got to do with the word paddy having another meaning ie tantrum?

Do you also tell people not to use the word 'jock' in case it offends Scots, even if they're talking about athletes in America? Because it's the same thing.

DP says he's never heard of it being offensive and his family use it. If an Irish person doesn't know its supposed to be offensive how on earth are the rest of us or are people making it up as they go along and finding offense were there is none?

Anyway sorry to derail OP, no more from me.

BigSmilesCheesyPie · 25/04/2015 23:47

My parents used to let one incident 'spoil the WHOLE day'. I used to hate it, make 1 mistake and bang, the whole day is spoiled and I was the devil child. With mine I have been determined not to do the same and I anticipate that behavior will be tricky after a day out and try and manage it accordingly...

If I spend the day shopping, lunching the last thing that I want to do is come home and tidy, usually I sit with a glass of wine and DH cooks.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 23:49

There is something to say about it. Just because the Irish people on this thread don't mind is their business.

The people who are Irish on the thread I posted hate it and say it is racist and offensive.

Most people don't want to cause offense so I pointed out that there's been quite a few threads where Irish people hate the term and find it offensive.

I can't see ive done anything wrong or why you're arguing. I was extremely polite and didn't say they shouldnt use it, just that others found it offensive

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 23:50

Perhaps you didn't read the whole thread I posted then Grays, it went into much more detail about using the term at all and the term itself being racist.

I'm surprised you read the thread and still think it's ok to use it

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/04/2015 23:55

You did, Laurie, you told Grays , "Can you not use it" when her husband is Irish and she's further expanded on that after having spoken to him. I really think that we could do with a 'glossary' of words/terms not to be used on this board with the instruction that nobody uses them here.

If you think that the posts are reportable then report them. You are the one arguing and I'm not engaging with this anymore.

Mamiof3 · 25/04/2015 23:56

Paddy got Irish person and paddy for tantrum are two totally different words though, not even linked as far as I know

Like rice paddy, that literally means rice field, not remotely to do with Ireland

Mamiof3 · 25/04/2015 23:57

Got should be for, bloody ell

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 23:58

Yes, I then posted again saying not to use it on Mumsnet as people on here found it offensive.

Maybe there should be a sticky saying that some people finds words/phrases offensive. Someone posted last week about going for a 'chinky' and people had to explain why that was offensive.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2015 00:00

I don't think anyone's posts are reportable I have no idea why you'd even suggest that.

There is nothing wrong with saying that people on here before have found the word really offensive. If I use a term on Mumsnet that others found offensive id be pleased someone mentioned it.

Nayville · 26/04/2015 00:01

Laurie unless you are Irish and offended it probably wasn't your place to point it out.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 26/04/2015 00:02

Laurie, from the thread you linked:

"As a point of information, though, the word 'paddy' referring to 'tantrum' has nothing to do with the Irish at all. It refers to padded wagons used to transport prisoners and lunatics who were liable to throw themselves against the padded walls - 'throwing a paddy.'"

Makes a lot more sense than it having anything to do with the Irish...

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2015 00:02

It's everyone's place. It's not like I had a rant or was rude. I'm not Chinese, still pointed out 'chinky' was offensive.

Perhaps you don't think people should point out chinky being offensive either?

That's weird.

Nayville · 26/04/2015 00:03

...Irish OR offended, perhaps

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2015 00:04

Yes, I read that Smilla. No idea if it's true or indeed if the prisoners being deported were Irish - it's not history I'm familiar with. It's just one post though, there were many who found the term itself racist.

Mamiof3 · 26/04/2015 00:05

Yeah but you're missing the point! You can't call a Chinese person a 'chink' that is def offensive

You can say 'a chink of light is getting through the curtains' because it's a different meaning

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2015 00:06

So Nayville, do you think people who aren't Chinese shouldnt point out 'chinky' is offensive then?

I'm somewhat surprised if you think that.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 26/04/2015 00:06

No wonder the poor op hasn't come back! Some of you people have total derailed it! And now there's x number of posts totally irrelevant other original post!

Well done !

Nayville · 26/04/2015 00:07

"Chinky" is most definately offensive

Paddy is not necessarily referring to anyone Irish, depending on meaning.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/04/2015 00:08

I'm not missing the point Mami. Many on that thread I linked to said the term 'paddy' was racist to Irish people when used negatively about tantrums.

They didn't say the word 'paddy' was racist when talking about rice fields.

There's a difference. One is describing a rice field, the other is describing a negative behaviour.

steppemum · 26/04/2015 00:08

Op, my ds is 12 and is so like this at the moment, lovely one minute, rude, emotional and throwing strops.

I am exhausted by it.

At school he is respectful, charming and polite. he doesn't even do it as much to dh as to me. I am his safe person to be horrible to

there are always consequences, but I am so tired of life being defined by consequences. Ours are phone, phone and phone. After he had lost phone for the while weekend, (he has been vile today) dh added a layer - he will delete his favourite app (which would mean lost game score) unless room was done by 4pm. He appeared downstairs at 3:50, room done and good humour restored, and then was lovely for the evening.

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