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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take all the shopping back tomorrow.

116 replies

Excitedforxmas · 25/04/2015 21:08

Have had a lovely day out shopping today with 12 ye old dd. kitted her in new summer clothes, sandals, bath bombs and lunch.
Have come home tried on all the clothes and then told her to tidy up her room.
Well my goodness she has jus had the biggest wobbler ever saying I've ruined her lovely relaxing day.
Bare in mind she's promised me all week she would do it today so it was no great shock.
2 hours she's been upstairs sobbing and stomping.
So I've packed all the shopping back up and it's all going back tomorrow- ungrateful brat!

OP posts:
goingtotown · 25/04/2015 22:47

12 year old...hormones. Sleep on it, tomorrow is another day.

Nanny0gg · 25/04/2015 22:48

So, if you had had a lovely day shopping, lunch out, etc, etc, with friends, would you come back and tidy the house? Or would you collapse with your feet up and a cup of tea?

YABU. She should do it tomorrow.

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 22:48

That's a bit of a cop out Laurie, do you accept tiredness and hormones as an excuse to behave this way at school, out in public or is it just at home where it's acceptable? Whether home is 'safe' or not I'm confused as to why in one place it's okay but not in the other.

She's crying and sobbing because she's having a paddy and wants her own way. She needs to learn that it's not acceptable not be 'aw diddums she's tired and hormonal'.

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 22:49

We all parent differently though so it's a pointless debate I suppose. No right or wrong as long as everyones happy.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 22:51

Can you not use 'paddy', lots of people of Irish heritage don't like it Smile I'm sure you wouldn't want to offend inadvertently.

It's 'ok' because that's what they do. And is to be ignored. You can't actually physically stop a child tantrumming.

unlucky83 · 25/04/2015 22:53

Has she started her periods yet? My DD turned into tantrum throwing impossible monster in the months just before - if was like a time warp and I had gone back to toddler years. The smallest thing would set her off - and I mean lying on the floor screaming level tantrums. I had to walk away and ignore.
Thankfully a year or so on and she is much calmer and easy to deal with. (way from perfect.... notice she does gets a bit premenstrual).
I agree next time chores before treats. Don't take them back but make sure she apologises and tidies room before she gets any of them - and maybe ration them (to use as future bribes Wink)

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 22:53

Oh I'll have to tell my Irish DP that :) thanks.

Mamiof3 · 25/04/2015 22:54

Yeah my kids are literal angels, top sets never put a foot wrong, at school, at home they are professional stomp-arounders and screechers.

Dd also has issues when something happens she didn't 'plan for' I don't let her get away with being a little cow but for example I try and explain why we can't do something: she is 9 and last week we were visiting her grandma. She had been after a new pair of nikes all week, there is a sports shop near us but I was planning on waiting a few weeks until she really needs some new trainers. But she gets it in her head we are going on the way back from grandmas, she mentioned it before we left and I 'hmmed' and said maybe, I was distracted and a bit tired, I should've said flat out no, we are going next month, but I didn't, so she had it in her head the whole time, anyway we didn't go, she lost it saying she was disappointed, she needed them for a party she is going to, what is she going to do now etc. Crying and dramatics. Might be similar with your dd. She didn't factor a big room tidy session into her day. So it's 'ruined' . I really would use the tidying as something she does to earn the treats, then follow through with the treat or withhold it depending on how she does.

alleypalley · 25/04/2015 22:55

I wouldn't take it all back, but I'd certainly pack it al away somewhere for a week or two.

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 22:56

I'm not asking this in a shitty way Grays, but have you got any children? If you have what sex/age are they?

DD1 is 14 and I can categorically say that hormones do make her behave in ways that I know she wouldn't do normally. I tell her it's not an excuse afterwards and she has to try and control herself and not let it impact on other people, but it's not that easy.

I know when I was pregnant that hormones definitely did fuck with my head - same thing.

It didn't excuse me nearly burning the house down, but it was understandable and not something I'd do in my right mind.

Nayville · 25/04/2015 22:57

You shouldve requested the tidy room before the shopping trip. If it's something she hates doing then there was never going to be a great reaction the evening following a lovely shopping spree.

I second the notion of keeping the new clothes away til it's done.

Mamiof3 · 25/04/2015 22:58

Ps paddy for tantrum isn't the same paddy as 'Irish person ' it's a northern slang term isn't it? Anyway my dad was Irish and used it??? Apparently there's no actual solid origin of the word.

ArgyMargy · 25/04/2015 22:59

Why is shopping considered so tiring? She's young and should be full of energy.

Icimoi · 25/04/2015 23:03

If she was too tired to do the tidying, she could have said so and negotiated another time to do it. She needs to learn that having a tantrum doesn't get her anywhere

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 23:03

Yeah, it's fine for the Irish to use it - I'm saying don't use it on Mumsnet as its seen as offensive and there's been lots of arguments/upset over it Smile

Mamiof3 · 25/04/2015 23:04

Tbh saying 50% of the English language is offensive on mumsnet GrinGrin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/04/2015 23:06

I agree that it was a bit hopeful to get her to tidy her room after the shopping trip - I'd have made her do it before and made the shopping trip conditional on her having done it. But it's a bit late for that now, obviously!

Don't take the stuff back, too annoying for you. Just don't let her have it until she's done her room.

Although I have to admit, I was with Grays on the whole "she's 12, not 2" thing - why would she be so tired? How ever long were you out for?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/04/2015 23:09

How do you know who is Irish and who isn't, Lauriefairycake? I don't think you can police that. If a word/term is offensive then it's offensive across the board. You can't know who is/isn't entitled to use it here.

JontyDoggle37 · 25/04/2015 23:11

Seriously? People are saying the OP is being unreasonable for asking her child to tidy her room? If my mum had taken me out and treated me, then asked me to tidy my room, I would have bloody got on with it. Tidying a room is not a challenging task - probably half an hours effort if it's really messy. I wouldn't A&E the clothes back, but I would withhold the until the room is done and your daughter has apologised for her behaviour. Yes, she might be tired and have hormones, but there is a line and behaving like that crosses over it - she needs to realise there are consequences.

JontyDoggle37 · 25/04/2015 23:12

A&E?!!!! Dear god, predictive text will be the death of me! 'Take' the clothes back...

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 23:14

I don't know who is Irish and who isn't Confused

In real life Irish people on this thread say they use it.

I'm not policing it at all, just pointing out some people on Mumsnet are offended by the term. Most people hate causing offence.

Maybe83 · 25/04/2015 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/04/2015 23:25

Well, since we don't know who is and who isn't, it's less offensive I think to call posters on what is universally acknowledged bad terminology rather than what isn't. I've always known 'paddy' as an adjective for tantrum, not as anything to do with Irish people and I'd never refer to Irish people in that manner.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 23:30

As far as I understand it its characterising a term associated with Irish people as negative

I'll go and find the thread and you can decide for yourself

YouTheCat · 25/04/2015 23:31

I don't care who's Irish.

OP, give her the opportunity to do it tomorrow (as in one last chance). Then if it's not done, take the non-essential stuff back - bath bombs and that. She'll need the clothes anyway.