To NEVER cry in front of DC?

[Happyyellowcar]

Prompted by another thread on here today about DC driving us to tears. I firmly believe we as parents shouldn't crumble and cry in front of them - DH thinks it shows we are human too! AIBU or is he?

Crying is normal. Doesn't hurt for them to see that too.

Full on hysterical sobbing might upset very young children, but outside of that I think YABU and your DH is right.

yabu, I agree with your dh

I have 3 ds's; 2 older teenagers and one about to hit 20.

I have cried only the once; in front of ds1 when I lost my composure a few days before he left home for university.

I'm very uncomfortable showing that kind of emotion.

YABU. Your way teaches them (or at least implies) that crying is a sign of weakness. It's human to show emotion.
When my friend rang me to tell me that our close friend had died suddenly, my children saw me cry. They were worried about me, but they eventually understood why I was crying, and that I wouldn't be sad forever.

YABU. Can I ask your reasons for thinking we shouldn't cry in front of children?

Histrionics no, but tears displaying grief and upset absolutely yes.

How strange. Do you hide your other emotions too OP? No laughing in front of the children?

I cried in front of my dc recently as my dh has gone away for 12 days which is the longest time ever we've been apart in 12 years. My dp came round and my dm just asked if dh had got away ok and I couldn't help but cry! I don't think it's a bad thing depending on the situation. My ds who is 7 actually said 'oh mam I didn't realise how much you loved daddy!'

I cried in front of my dd the other morning as I found out someone had died.
I have been driven to tears of frustration before & annoyingly it works well as the kids behave beautifully afterwards. I agree with your dh.

I disagree although I only have one placid dd so rarely have need to cry. I guess I think anger, sadness etc are normal and part of life.

I am split on this one. I do agree with you OP, but I also agree with PPs who have said why on earth not?

I never do because I am their rock. I am their certainty and with a total twat of an ex-P who has never supported them financially or otherwise I feel they need to know that they can always rely on me to be strong for them.

But I did cry in front of them when my mother died, and when my stepfather died. And when I dropped my eldest DC at university.

Why wouldn't you cry in front of your kids?

Do you not cry at things on TV ever? (Comic relief etc..) it shows all kinds of emotions...and is a perfectly normal reaction to certain situations.

I think it's quite harmful to show your kids that crying is bad and should be hidden away.

I think YABU, and it's important to show our children we have emotions. It's what gives them the confidence to express their own emotions and to not be scared by the strength of some of their feelings.

You can cry in front of your children and still show them you are strong enough to cope with whatever you need to.

Have you heard of emotional literacy OP? It's taught in schools alongside numeracy reading and writing literacy because it is so important to educate the children.

The idea is to teach children what emotions are, what they feel like, how they change, appropriate ways to express them, the words we use to identify them and, most important, that everyone has them and they are normal.

It's not a good idea to hide emotions from children, better to model how to handle them. So if you feel like crying you should tell them 'Mummy feels xxx because xxx and crying helps to get the feeling out'.

My DC see me cry. It started when my dad was dying. It wasn't great loud wailing but more quiet tears of sadness. Me or Dh would explain it was because I was feeling sad that my Dad was poorly and I loved him.

When he died (and dh's step dad died - both in same week) they saw us both cry as well as my family members. Dh's family took the stiff upper lip approach and wouldn't show any emotion in front of the DC. Horses for courses and all that.

Mine and dh's logic was that we want our DC to understand that it's ok to feel sad, it's ok to cry and can actually be a good thing. I hope it will help them to be empathetic, sympathetic and able to accept their own feelings.

The flip side I think is that presumably you're happy for your DC to see you laughing (proper wee yourself laughing) with joy. Same coin, different sides.

However, that is just my opinion and while I don't agree with stiff upper lip, with fil we just explained that not everyone wants children to see them upset and it is just their way of dealing with it, everyone's different.

I have cried occasionally when reading emotional bedtime stories dd finds that quite funny and chooses those books on purpose. Have also cried once or twice when their behaviour has pushed me to the edge.
Thankfully never had cause to be that upset in front of them yet.

So you're sending them the message that it's not ok to cry? That crying isn't a natural human response to sadness?

Are you talking about not crying because you're frustrated/upset by your DC, or crying in general?

I was worried about how much I was crying in front of my toddler (we recently lost our baby, it's been traumatic)

My counsellor told me it's healthy for children to see their parents crying as long as you explain (to the best of their understanding) why you are crying and make sure they understand it's not their fault.

Saying that, if you'd rather not cry in front of your children that's fine too. I don't think it's wrong or damaging if you do though.

I would never stifle upset in front of my daughter. She's seen me/us cry at the news of relatives dying, watching disasters happening around the world, even at Dumbo and The Snowman at xmas.

We accept that she cries when she is upset, and she understands that we do too. The British stiff upper lip is an awful thing.

I remember two occasions when I saw my mum crying, and I felt so sick and frightened,and never forgot it. So have never cried in front of mine - not when they were little,anyway. I get the "we're human" argument, but it's not for me.

Oh, this thread is informative from a cultural point of view (am a foreigner).

I never quite understood those angst-ridden threads about whether to bring children to a funeral, to which there were always replies saying no, your grief will upset the children, or no, you should be able to be visibly upset without worrying about frightening your children. This clarifies that - if a significant proportion of people do not cry in front of their children, then of course young children will be frightened at weeping parents at a funeral.

(Just as, if adults only attend funerals of close family members, rather than attend those of neighbours and elderly relatives since childhood, then the chances are that your first funeral may well be that of your parents, which I think would be difficult...)

Those of you who don't cry in front of your children on principle, why not?

But Clawdy, surely if you had seen your mother cry from time to time and then dry her eyes, smile and tell you she was feeling a bit sad because of hitting her finger with the hammer/she missed Granny/ she was watching a sad film, you would have learned that adult tears weren't terrible?

I remember two occasions when I saw my mum crying, and I felt so sick and frightened,and never forgot it. Possibly because it was only twice.

I had a good cry the day Terry Pratchett died and talked it through with DD. I think explaining emotions and that they are fine to have, all of them, is a good thing.

Surely the people that don't cry in front of the kids can't watch the Land Before Time or Dumbo with them...

My kids see me cry over TV, adverts, Films, music.. all sorts.

They have seen me cry while grieving or just really sad.

I think it is important for them to view crying as a healthy thing to do (well within reason I guess).