To NEVER cry in front of DC?

[Happyyellowcar]

Prompted by another thread on here today about DC driving us to tears. I firmly believe we as parents shouldn't crumble and cry in front of them - DH thinks it shows we are human too! AIBU or is he?

Clawdy-yes-I only saw/ heard my mum cry a handful of times. I don't think she was a particular cry-y person anyway but it did upset me a lot when it happened. But that's part of learning to understand your own emotions and developing empathy for others I suppose?

Speaking as someone who suffered huge emotional damage as a child due to traumatic experience. Don't hide your emotions. I have major problems distinguishing my emotions, and I was told that if I wanted to make sure that didn't happen to my Dcs they have to observe Me showing my emotions so that they know it's normal etc.

I'm not a crier generally so the Dc's probably haven't seen me cry. Not saying it's a bad thing to cry, it's just not something I do often. DH has probably only seen me cry a couple of times.

When we had our dog pts a few years back DH cried in his office and DS1 saw him (DH is as solid as a rock, big bear of a guy, dependable and steady as you like so not prone to any kind of upsets) and DS1 said to him "Did mummy tell you off when you were naughty, is that why you're crying?" because he just couldn't imagine why else he'd cry.

I think seeing parents handle bereavement, loss and sadness is a positive thing for children, seeing them acknowledge and handle emotions sets a good example for them.

I burst into tears watching princess and the frog earlier 17 yr old dd just sighed ithink its important to show emotion shows we are human and can be sad crying is not weak

My kids are always laughing at me for welling up over things on TV. I think it's good for them to see that it's ok to have feelings. What's to be gained by pretending to be an automaton? That said, I've always downplayed any unhappiness about their dad and his new wife as that's their family and they don't need much awareness of the history there.

we are human and when my son (who is six and should know better) sank his teeth into me hard enough to draw blood your damm right i cried and he cried too

I read the OP as meaning not letting DCs see their poor behaviour has driven her to tears. In which case, I agree. It adds a degree of power to an already fraught situation.

More generally, though, of course your children should see you cry - from happiness,in grief, with laughter.

Crying is normal and human

Why would anyone hide a normal, healthy human emotion from their child?

You will either model for them that crying is weak and shameful or you will make them think you are weirdly unemotional.

I'm with your DH.

I cry when tired. Only when I'm properly exhausted, madly busy and can't rest. DS 1 & 2 know this. Know it's nothing to worry about. That mummy will be OK. But that it's time to be really good and not bicker. Don't think it does them any harm?

A psychiatrist I worked with said it was traumatic for children to see their parent cry so I have tried not to cry in front of them but they are adults now and I'm afraid I have cried in front of them a few times.

I did originally mean in the context of their poor behaviour, yes. I do display a full range of emotions, (bar crying) as do the DC (including a fair amount of crying). However it does have more to do with being an unshakeable rock for them rather than saying crying is weak - although if you start crying in front of your DCs because of their behaviour then actually I do think that's pretty weak and you need to give yourself a good talking to

I think that is what the psychiatrist meant-being an "unshakable rock" but I haven't been able to totally keep it up.

I'm not sure I understand the desire to be 'an unshakeable rock'?

I have cried in front of my dc many times; when I have lost pets or relatives, when I have been in pain and yes when I have been frustrated.

I don't pretend to be someone I am not, at least when I am at home (I am a nicer version at work) it sounds unhealthy.

The desire to be an unshakable rock is to make them feel safe and secure.

So much depends on the reason for crying. Seeing your mum wipe away a tear watching a sad film will probably not bother many children at all, but seeing her weeping because she's frightened or desperately upset is very disturbing to some children,and it certainly was to me.

I remember one thing shaking my faith in one of my parents but it wasn't crying, rather the sharing of fear over our financial/ housing insecurity. I vowed never to trouble my kids with those sorts of "what ifs".

Crying at sad times seems normal to me and I'm fairly well adjusted emotionally (can you let that psychiatrist know?!)

I do have financial insecurity though.

It depends on the circumstance I think being totally hysterical could scare them but in general it's good to show them emotion. I cried when my niece was born I was just so happy I'm not sure if I have cried out of sadness I did get a bit soppy on her first day of school and she told me to pull myself together lol. We do regularly discuss feelings and how to deal with them

I cry in front of my DCs. Sometimes because of something in the telly, or in a book; once because we missed the bus we were running for; when a friend died; when DH was badly injured etc...

Sometimes they tell me I'm silly.other time see have huge tight cuddles and all feel better after (toy story 3!). I don't think they're traumatised

Actually I've just thought. Ds' class did a little concert for Mother's Day. Ds said I could cry, but only happy tears. He checked when he came to snuggle in my lap straight after so I think they're fully aware if the different types of crying but don't think it could be hidden in a really horrible situatikn.

It's a false impression though surely?

I would prefer my dc to know that we have strength as individuals and more as a family, rather than for them to believe that me or their dad are 'unshakeable rocks' when of course neither of us are.

drudgetrudy that's it! As parents we have to be the ones to make everything ok for them - how can we if we're falling apart? I do think having a collective sob at a weepy film is ok if the DC are older though.

I am pretty much myself in front of the children, so I cry, laugh, sing, get angry etc.

My Mum cried in front of us, and we knew when she was sad, frustrated, angry or happy. Seemed completely normal to us.

Same here sunnyday. I felt my parents were very reliable but I knew they had emotions. They were utterly reliable really! I suppose they weren't "falling apart", they never ignored us or let us down.

But sometimes we are falling apart - people get Injured or ill or die and it would be very difficult and not very healthy for anyone to pretend not to be upset if you actually are.

I would think it is much clearer to your children to explain the situation and you're very upset but you will be okay. It doesn't stop you being your child's rock or for them to rely on you for support, but it gives everyone a chance to explain and talk about their feelings.