To be uncomfortable that my heterosexual friend is volunteering for lgbt kids charity?

[travellingbird]

My friend has to be the most conscientious person. She is exceptionally engaged with social issues and currently works in a lefty cause (climate change). She told me she was about to start with a work-approved charity for LGBT young people in schools. The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc. She is hetero and cis. I'm gay, and she has been one of my closest friends even before I came out at 15. She has witnessed and supported me through my battles with homophobic parents. Our mutual best friend is also gay and identifies as agender.
She is well aware of her privilege (in a good way) and has aired her concerns about not being quite right for it, yet is proceeding.

So, am I unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her taking this role? Should I just be happy she is er, "helping us" and being a wonderful ally?

To me it is about that young person's safety and space.

Is she going to be speaking only to LGBT students? I wouldnt imagine so. At a guess i would say they arent they key targets for tackling homophobia. Sounds very much like she is a hetero person addressing a mostly hetero audience in a bid to reduce homophobia amongst their community. Probably drawing on her own experiences to do so.

The OP needs to explain the role of her friend.

Anyway, TheMagnificentFour, that's it. You put it really well.

I agree that a lot of this depends on what her role will be. Perhaps discussing it further with her will help you work out how you feel about it? Speaking from my own experience, having an unashamedly butch woman come into our school and speaking in a no-nonsense fashion to everyone about LGB (no T in those days, I'm afraid) issues, was an enormous relief to me as a miserable, angry 14 year old. Having a nice straight lady come in to tell everyone to stop being nasty to LGB people would only have made me feel even more isolated and uncomfortable. Being an ally is great, don't get me wrong. But the focus should be on the needs of the people you're trying to help. And a lot of LGBT teens need people they can identify with.

I think another important thing to remember is that social justice movements should be led by people in the oppressed class. People in the privileged class (in this instance, straight people) should be willing to be led by people who have experience living with the oppression and be very sensitive to their concerns. It does matter what the friend's role is; there are many roles that are appropriate for allies to take, but as Velvet pointed out, there are some that may not be.

"Im pretty sure im not a cat but ive volunteered with cats protection"

Thank you SurlyCue. My keyboard has just been treated to a spraying of Frazzles. PMSL

Seneca - exactly.

op

You seem to be avoiding the key question. What is her role going to be?

Summer, my post was helpful in helping op think about contexts in which LGBT people might be the best candidates for a role.

She says that she will support her friend and thinks she's amazing as a result of the thinking she's done since starting the thread.

So that's good!

This thread is bonkers.

White people are just as likely to have experience and knowledge of racism as black people.

Some men make excellent feminists.

And there is nothing "leftie" about acting against climate change.

OP you are coming across to me as very prejudiced and intolerant.

If I were a gay teenager again, I wouldn't want a straight person telling me that they believe "it gets better". This only goes so far.

Her role will be to:

• meet with all students and talk in discussion groups about homosexuality etc and gender noncomformity.
• talk about what it feels like to be lgbt (my major concern)
• to provide resources and presentations about being homosexual etc or gender non conformist.

The only thing I accept is being facilitative in discussions about the above.

White people are just as likely to have experience and knowledge of racism as black people.

Not where I grew up as a white person in the segregated American South.

Yes, comparing LGBT people to cats is always the hallmark of a good ally.

Excuse me? "White people are just as likely to have experience and knowledge of racism as black people" ?!?!?!?!

I've pmd you op.

Her role will be to:

• meet with all students and talk in discussion groups about homosexuality etc and gender noncomformity.
• talk about what it feels like to be lgbt (my major concern)
• to provide resources and presentations about being homosexual etc or gender non conformist.

A gay person does not know what it is like to be trans - and vice versa. They can give it their best shot.

TBH - I think such conversations have to come from someone with "experience". And again - each person's experience is going to be different and personal.

I think she sounds ideal for this and actually for this role is probably better than someone LGBT.

She's going into schools to deal with homophobia. For the children that at most at risk of being homophobic there is probably already going to be some prejudice there. That might well mean that sending in someone LGBT to talk to them is often not going to be effective as they are already prejudiced against that person. They are the other. They are trying to 'convert' them. All their pre-existing prejudice will be focused on that person and would make them less likely to listen to the message.

For children like that it may well be that if someone who is more like them, more 'relatable' someone who they don't think is trying to 'convert' them or make them think their way; I think if someone like that goes in and talks about their experiences it might be a lot more likely to work.

Because I remember being at school with people like that who thought if you hung around with a 'batty boy' he would automatically want to have sex with you purely on the grounds that you are male (er, you're not that good looking mate). That if you hang around with a Lesbian girl she will make you cut all your hair off and wear dungarees and tut every time you wear a bit of lipgloss or look at a boy.

For children like that, I think someone like your friend is ideal to dispel their prejudices. For a lot of people it's just ignorance LGBT people being outside what they've ever known. I think that perhaps somebody who can talk to them about homophobia from their own perspective as a straight person may well be more effective.

White people are just as likely to have experience and knowledge of racism as black people.

Not where I grew up as a white person in the segregated American South

Well here in London we certainly do.

Travellingbird, why don't you ask your friend of you can observe one of her sessions, see how she actually handles it and then judge whether you personally feel it's appropriate for her or not. It won't change her position or that of the charity but it might help to crystalise your own views and feelings. After that maybe you can have a conversation with her about how you feel so that you are being honest, but you can't stop her from doing it. That's her choice and the charity's.

and what total nonsense to say straight people are privileged.

You are just trying to have a pointless competition about who has the hardest life, and think you can win it automatically by making blind sweeping statements and not allowing anyone to challenge them.

and I'm not straight, by the way.

Travellingbird, why don't you ask your friend of you can observe one of her sessions, see how she actually handles it and then judge whether you personally feel it's appropriate for her or not

If one of my friends treated me like that I would be telling them to get stuffed and crossing them off my list of friends.

Charis1 I suggest you educate yourself. Try googling "unpacking straight privilege" for a start.

A straight cisgendered person is not appropriate to be talking about what it feels like to be LGBT (whatever that means) or doing presentations about being LGBT in my opinion.

Re Wizard's post - for whose benefit is this supposed to be, OP? Is it for the straight kids "at most at risk of being homophobic"? Then YAB (slightly)U Or is it for the LGBT kids? Because then I don't think YABU, unless she's part of a team that includes actual LGBT people.