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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at this older man

107 replies

PaulaJane37 · 25/04/2015 09:44

I'm probably BU and prepared for being told so but I'm really annoyed!

I'm on holiday at the moment and I suffer from IBS, I don't go for a week to 2 weeks but when I need to go I NEED to go. So yesterday I was at the pool and the familiar pains started, I moved swiftly into the hotel foyer, and there is one male and one female toilet, an older man (very rotund with a walking stick) and his wife were sitting with cases obviously waiting to be picked up, the wife kinda trotted/ran in front of me and got into the ladies before me, now I had three options.

  1. Use the men's
  2. Use the disabled toilet
  3. Wait and shit myself (sorry)

I used the disabled, I know I'm not disabled, but it is a unisex toilet and I knew I'd be in and out in about 20 seconds flat and only the man was left in the foyer and I thought that would be better than going into the male toilet. Well as I sat down, the door handle got rattled and the door was quite obviously kicked a couple of times, I got a hell of a fright and was a little scared to come out, but still was out in about two minutes flat to find the man standing at the reception complaining that "that woman does not have a blue badge!"
Now, I'm not even sure that the poor Spanish receptionists knew what a blue badge was but he was going mental!! I walked away quite upset actually and almost went back in to tell him in.no uncertain terms that not all disabilities are visible! I only didn't because I knew I'm not disabled and would have felt bad for insinuating that I was!!

AIBU to be annoyed with the rotund rabble rouser?

OP posts:
SewingAndCakes · 25/04/2015 09:47

YANBU. They are accessible toilets and you had a valid reason to use it. Many disabilities are hidden and you don't need a blue badge to prove it.

He was an ignorant dick and it was aggressive of him to behave like that. Flowers

WestEast · 25/04/2015 09:47

YANBU to be annoyed.
But his age and build are insignificant details.

pieceofpurplesky · 25/04/2015 09:49

What does his weight have to do with it?
And yes yabu. My mum is disabled and has ibs as well - she needs help to get on the toilet and needs a disabled one.

LagerthaEarlIngstad · 25/04/2015 09:51

You can get a little card if you have IBS that explains you need to use the toilet urgently because of a medical condition, someone I know has one. You shouldn't need to explain to that guy though, he has no idea what your situation is and was wrong to assume you had no reasonable requirement for that toilet. His age etc is irrelevant though.

LagerthaEarlIngstad · 25/04/2015 09:52

www.theibsnetwork.org/what-we-offer/cant-wait-card/

Original poster
PaulaJane37 · 25/04/2015 09:52

I only mentioned his size as I thought he may not have managed into the male cubicle. The disabled one is far larger, but in my defence I didn't see how big he was when he was sat down. His age, well I kinda thought he may just be a grumpy old man, but he was well enough to kick the door a couple of times

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 25/04/2015 09:55

YANBU to be annoyed that this man took it upon himself to judge whether you needed to use the disabled toilet or not, especially as his judgement was completely inaccurate. He was rude, but if you're going to complain about him, focus on his behaviour, not his age or his size.

Original poster
PaulaJane37 · 25/04/2015 09:55

Thank you Lager I'll look into that

OP posts:
OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 25/04/2015 09:56

YANBU to be offended by his attitude. I understand completely the situation you were in. I would have marched over and said, actually I a have a gastrointestinal disorder which means I had acute urgency to pass a bowel movement, if I has waited for the non-disabled loo I would likely have soiled myself, would you have preferred that?
IBS sufferers can get radar keys for accessible toilets in the UK btw.

YAButterlyU for referring to this mans age and obesity, they are not relevant details and will have put a lot of peoples' backs up

PurpleSwift · 25/04/2015 09:57

I think his behaviour was disgusting. Attempting to open the door and give it a kick!? How horrible. YANBU op

Hakluyt · 25/04/2015 09:59

Yeah, because that's typical of how older people behave..... Hmm

"Rotund rabble rouser?" Give me strength.

VelvetRose · 25/04/2015 10:00

Of course yanbu. Ignore him. Some people/lots of people have hidden disabilities. This man was just making assumptions.

Penfold007 · 25/04/2015 10:01

Paula it's an accessible toilet and you have a hidden medical condition. He was rude and wrong. A can't wait card may help but people shouldn't be so quick to judge.

drudgetrudy · 25/04/2015 10:03

He was extremely rude-but then being old and fat he would be, wouldn't he?

DonnaKebab66 · 25/04/2015 10:04

I have IBS with very similar symptoms to you and in that scenario would have done the same. So if you were unreasonable so am I!

And get a Can't Wait card, I have one and it can be invaluable.

Original poster
PaulaJane37 · 25/04/2015 10:08

Thanks guys. I appear to have upset some people because I mentioned the man was overweight, this I mentioned as had I seen this prior to going into the disabled loo I would genuinely have just gone into the male toilet!! And rotund rabble rouser, yes, yes he was! Equally he could have been a scary skinny Minnie!

OP posts:
drudgetrudy · 25/04/2015 10:10

And "old", PaulaJane, and "old".
However in your circumstances I would have done exactly what you did and he's a prat.

VictoriaPeckem · 25/04/2015 10:13

I don't believe he kicked the door.

Original poster
PaulaJane37 · 25/04/2015 10:16

Twice Victoria TWICE!! Either that it he got on the floor and punched it!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PaulaJane37 · 25/04/2015 10:16

Thank you drudge!

OP posts:
MrsTedCrilly · 25/04/2015 10:17

YANBU! I would count that as a disability, most people do not have to worry about shitting themselves in public. I can't believe he was banging on the door, what did he think you were going to do? Stop midway through? Confused Like others have said I would get a card, some people are still ignorant to invisible conditions.

CallMeNancy · 25/04/2015 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictoriaPeckem · 25/04/2015 10:21

He was probably senile - all old people are.

ADishBestEatenCold · 25/04/2015 10:22

"but in my defence I didn't see how big he was when he was sat down"

I don't think this is a defence for making his weight an issue on here.

Indeed, you mentioned that he had a walking stick, which was a perfectly adequate way to explain that the indications were that he was disabled in some way.

"had I seen this (that he was overweight) prior to going into the disabled loo I would genuinely have just gone into the male toilet"

I think you were well within your rights to use the accessible toilet, but ^^ this sentence makes me wonder why (again) you are emphasising that (for you) his weight would have been the deciding factor, rather than the fact that he needed to use a stick to walk.

Hakluyt · 25/04/2015 10:23

Of course he was a prat. Nobody is denying he was a prat.

It's the old and fat people have an issue with. And the exageration