To be annoyed at this older man

[PaulaJane37]

I'm probably BU and prepared for being told so but I'm really annoyed!

I'm on holiday at the moment and I suffer from IBS, I don't go for a week to 2 weeks but when I need to go I NEED to go. So yesterday I was at the pool and the familiar pains started, I moved swiftly into the hotel foyer, and there is one male and one female toilet, an older man (very rotund with a walking stick) and his wife were sitting with cases obviously waiting to be picked up, the wife kinda trotted/ran in front of me and got into the ladies before me, now I had three options.

1. Use the men's
2. Use the disabled toilet
3. Wait and shit myself (sorry)

I used the disabled, I know I'm not disabled, but it is a unisex toilet and I knew I'd be in and out in about 20 seconds flat and only the man was left in the foyer and I thought that would be better than going into the male toilet. Well as I sat down, the door handle got rattled and the door was quite obviously kicked a couple of times, I got a hell of a fright and was a little scared to come out, but still was out in about two minutes flat to find the man standing at the reception complaining that "that woman does not have a blue badge!"
Now, I'm not even sure that the poor Spanish receptionists knew what a blue badge was but he was going mental!! I walked away quite upset actually and almost went back in to tell him in.no uncertain terms that not all disabilities are visible! I only didn't because I knew I'm not disabled and would have felt bad for insinuating that I was!!

AIBU to be annoyed with the rotund rabble rouser?

If his behaviour had been the OP's sole or primary concern surely she'd have worded her thread title differently and wouldn't have focused on his age and build in subsequent posts?
This is the kind of casual stereotyping that people have every right to challenge if they wish - and MNHQ encourages posters to do so.

I agree casual stereotyping is abhorrent.

I disagree the OP is doing this.

His size was relevant because it rendered him unable to use the regular gents toilets.

His age was relevant hence the walking stick and the fact he was unable to use the regular gents toilet.

Picking apart posts like this is pathetic. Sorry, but it is - and it deviates from real ageism and sizeism.

I consider her comments ageist and sizeist.

Perhaps others don't but I do and I feel I have the right to say so.

He was a dick. YANBU. trust me that Spanish culture does not have the same furious obsession with who can use the disabled toilets and who can't and the receptionist almost certainly thought he was off his rocker.

I think we're all in agreement that he was a dick.
At least this thread has been useful in raising awareness of support accessible to IBS sufferers. I didn't know about the card before.

How was it casual stereotyping? It was an (as far as we know) accurate description.

An irrelevant description in my opinion.
We also have "old" and "grumpy" aligned.
The implication that he was unpleasant at least in part because he was old and overweight is quite apparent to me.

Well, it isn't to me! I honestly have no idea how you've inferred that ilovesooty but even if we say for arguments sake it could be read like that the OP clarifies matters quite quickly.

Well the OP would "clarify" in that way of course.
She could have made her absolutely valid point about his attitude and behaviour without bringing his age and weight into it. She could have made her point in the title by referring to his behaviour but she chose to write the title referring to his age with no reference to his behaviour at all.

Oh sooty gosh - are you always this intense?

I honestly think you're making a huge fuss over absolutely nothing. The OP has not said, insinuated or implied she thinks that elderly people or big people are grumpy - it was relevant to THIS point, on THIS thread.

It's clear she was talking in the specific not the general. I'm honestly taken aback at how seriously you're taking this.

I think I'm quite within my rights to respond to it within the talk guidelines as I see fit Pastelsunset

I have my opinion on it and you have yours.

Of course you are but then by the same token I am within my rights to disagree :)

Of course. But not to make remarks like "Are you always this intense?"

I think that's unnecessarily personal.

I think don't spend your holiday posting AIBU threads on MN about accessible toilets.

Good point Sparkling

Must be time for the buffet or cabaret/talent contest soon sooty.

Intense isn't always a bad thing sooty but I can see how that might read as personal and apologise for that. I am very intense over some stuff because it's hugely important to me and I understand this is important to you and I respect that :)

However I do feel that when somebody has clarified their point then giving them a hard time over it is needless.

Thank you.

I didn't see that as a clarification but an attempt to justify herself - and not a very effective or pleasant one.

I agree with Sooty and if you want to call me intense too then I really don't give a shiny fuck.

I should warn you though that this thread is making me very grumpy.

I consider her comments ageist and sizeist.

So do I. I'm a pretty intense campaigner against ageism.

Rudebarbandcustard I have never seen a thread on Mumsnet where posters said that, using a disabled loo when you're not visibly disabled.... was a bad thing. I think it is pretty much universally agreed that having hidden disabilities or medical conditions like IBS are perfectly valid reasons to use the disabled toilets.

Op, I once had a woman bang on the door of a disabled toilet with her walking stick, whilst I was in there with ds - he was terrified!

Is a shame that people with hidden disability feel like this when they need to use facilities. What would the solution be though? Serious question - if there's an easy way to defuse accusations or easily "prove" a need to the toilet police or aggrieved people with more visible disabilities I would love to know. I'm often scared to use accessible loos incase it leads to conflict. :-\

this thread is very triggering

I don't understand, in what way?

Some posters really like the sound of their own voices! OP has explained why she used the description she did, others have said why they find it inappropriate but they are still going on about it like a broken record!!
OP YANBU, I think a disabled toilet should be used by anybody if there is a need and no other toilet is available.