how to respond to this text - involves "play date" and boys in dress up

[HighwayDragon]

So I had a text from a friend today (she's a school run mum so not actually friends more friendly) asking me to pick up her ds (4) as there was some sort of emergency at work. No problems, he's been here before and she's had dd over before. Playdate was fine, fed him a light tea, him and dd decided to play dress up, he put on fairy wings and tutu.

She came to pick him up, thanked me. Then he walks down the stairs dressed as a fairy. Her face instantly sours, she says 'ds you KNOW they're girls clothes, take them off and get your shoes' I wad but didn't say anything. Me and mum make stilted small talk, they leave.

I've just had a text "hey thanks for having x after school ur a lifesaver. but i wasnt happy to see him in a skirt! next time he comes over can u make sure he only wears boy dress up sure you understand xx"

Help me reply, because I'm still scooping up my jaw!

'goodness your right the implications, we didn't get a chance to apply the make up. Still next time we can get the nail varnish out and do things properly'.

Can i add the word ago and my uncle said the handbag was amazing to keep cars in. 4 years old which boy hasnt dressed up in wings by then!

Oh dear. I didn't realise there was still people like that out there, until i heard a mum at nursery telling her DS not to be playing with a 'girls toy'. I would ignore the text and not be available 'next time' :)

I do like probably best if there isn't a next time then!'

Upbeat and to the point.

Sure, it's her child, but I wouldn't agree to police dressing up choices. If she isn't happy with your house rules, then so be it.

Text "Glad I could help. He's welcome anytime but just so you know, I don't like DD to differentiate between 'girl' and 'boy' toys so everyone just plays with whatever they choose in our home." ??

There will definitely be a next time, he's a lovely boy, and my dd and him are very good friends, I'm not going to punish mine or her child because of our differing parenting.

I've said "no worries, he was a pleasure as always! xx"

Ignored the dress up bit, I think it's from her dh, he's a bit of a doucher.

Love laurie's best! :o

What a total idiot. Firstly that she thinks that way at all. Secondly that you did her an emergency favour and she chose to criticise you. Even if she's a hopeless homophobic bigot, she could have kept her mouth shut!

That text does sound like you are agreeing. Are you agreeing? Because you will need to address it if the little boy if going to come to yours again...

No wonder people still have problems when they find they are gay or trans. :(

I read OP's text as just batting her off and she's not planning to do any policing (hope so anyway).

Next time let him loose in your make up drawer, especially the nail varnish!

It's a standing joke on MN that we are all desperate for our DSes to wear tutus and play with barbies so we don't look like gender conformists.

But when you realise people like that exist, it's important to counteract them. Who knows, maybe spending time at yours where he could experiment freely will be something that boy looks back on as a huge positive.

Oh it's Shakespeare Friday today, think he was Oberon to dd's Titania. Kids huh?

^ This!

"Oh I understand alright, you're one of THOSE people. What a pity, we could have had a lovely friendship.

I hope your ds is ok - he put on one of my old lace bras he found in the dressing up box but took it off as he said it was itchy"

Sooo.... Glittery fairy temp tattoos next time?

I think it is sad that you validated her prejudice but it clearly having another playdate with this child is more important than challenging these closed-minded morons who end up raising homophobes.

She will assume the no worries was your confirmation that he will not dress up again.

'Don't worry, they WERE boy clothes, we got them from our Eddie Izard dressing up box'

No worries sounds like you are agreeing to her instructions.i assume you aren't?

What an idiot.

Why did you ask for help with replies and then send such a pathetic text?

i think any comment on this is better spoken than texted. i presume they wont be in the same room as you all the time. surely that's all that needs to be said, you can't help what he chooses. my two were racing round in fairy outfits at easter, ds1 had a fab pink wig on.

I've also had the 'it prob won't make him gay will it?' comment at ds2 (3 years) doing ballet (dressed as buzz). never met a more happy with himself boy!

How about "there won't be a next time you homophobic cunt"

Just seen your update. Why did you bother posting here at all?

A missed opportuniy I think, though I can see you were being politic.

I just hope your DD does't want to dress up as Superman at his house, and get told off for it.