To be more embarrassed of my DP's behaviour in public than my DS's?

[DancingQueen79]

My DP never seems to be bothered of what people think of him when he's out and about. He just gets up to his usual ways of causing mischief and mayhem, whilst I'm often left cringing.....AIBU? A few examples of what he gets up to when we're out and about:

• trying to 'net me' and getting the fishing net stuck on my head which we were buying for the garden pond (whilst in the queue to pay for it)
• when he's had enough of waiting for me to finish looking in a clothes shop, he'll come into the shop and physically carry me out of it (just picture a fireman's lift in a branch of Karen Millen)
• another shopping related one - coming into the shop to enquire if anyone had seen a 'vacant blonde' anywhere and then waiting until someone pointed me out
• makes 'interesting and perhaps not entirely politically correct' faces whilst at the supermarket checkout, as well as doing overly competitive packing
• If he ever feels like I've told him off, he'll stick out his bottom lip and walk around like that for at least 10 minutes - no matter where we are!

Whilst he's definitely fun to be around, does anyone else have this problem with their other half??

AIBU to be embarrassed??

(I could've added more examples, but these were the immediate ones which sprang to mind this week)

OP - I was wondering if this was a fairly new relationship for you or whether you are both quite young?

I was reminded that my DP used to act very much like this when we first met, acting daft in public or conversely serenading me in the street. I was originally going to tell you that this was something that he outgrew because he hasn't done this for years but as I think about it he is always telling me that he acts the clown at work and sings to people and I've observed him acting similarly on odd occasions on holiday or at a party and I think its a bit of a front when he doesn't know people well as generally he is quite introvert.

Perhaps your DP is similar.

I think some of the other posts have been more unkind than necessary.

Sorry. Your DH sounds like a total cock.

YANBU at all. If you feel embarrassed by his behaviour, then if he loves and respects you, he needs to stop it.

Have you had a proper, serious talk about it? If not, I think I would have to start there and say exactly how i felt when he does these things. If he starts with the "Oh you're no fun, it's only for a bit of a laugh" etc etc, then be assertive and say "Nevertheless, I find it very embarrassing and i don't like attention being drawn to us/me in this way and I need you to stop it.

Eigg...since you ask, yes I think the thread is odd. OP doesn't deserve the sneery questioning of her involvement in this relationship though.

I've often seen dubious threads started where I've thought 'Do you really need to ask that?' but then not contributed because that's not a fair question. Not my call to decide. I've seen post what they think is funny and amusing and going to get a laugh on AIBU - and totally misjudge their audience because it's lame. The only difference then is WHO has posted the OP? If it's a 'regular', they'll probably drum up enough support from their usual band of fellow posters... they don't get shredded and made to feel stupid for putting themselves in that position/being with that person. THAT'S the difference.

I don't know Lying, I don't think the OP posted this as a 'lighthearted, let's have a laugh' thread, her opening post says she cringes, finds her dh's behaviour embarrassing, worse than her ds, etc., etc.

Posters agreed that his behaviour was embarrassing and picked up on the 'politically incorrect faces' which then turned to 'gormless faces' when the OP quickly came to her dh's defence and said "Oh it's not bad really". 'Gormless faces' sounds like code for imitating/making fun of people with SN which is not funny.

I still don't understand the point of the thread, OP says "Am I right to be embarrassed?" posters say "Yes", OP says "Oh no I am not, he's good fun" - total contradiction, what on earth was the point of the thread? I doubt we'll ever know as the OP has long gone and won't return.

Are you surprised OP's gone never to return? I'm not. I can see how somebody can live with somebody and not see the obvious as it's so regular and they get a bit desensitised. This thread could have been a helpful reality check but it wasn't because OP has left rather than carrying on being made to feel like crap.

It's one thing to tell an OP... 'Your partner's behaving like a knob, I wouldn't put up with that'. Posting just to hurt is something else and only a pitiful excuse for a person does that.

It used to be much more about gentle ribbing rather than this absolutely spiteful 'I can't understand how you would have children with someone like this', 'OP wanted us to be jealous of how fun her man is' and that ilk. Not surprised at that one really, that poster does have form. Posters who have the need to say that must have a lot of unhappiness going on in their own lives to need to pull somebody down like that because, if you're right, emotions, it wasn't light-hearted at all and therefore the OP needed support. OP got a slapping for her trouble from some cowardly bitches who aren't woman enough to apologise to the OP.

I haven't got anything else to add really.

I used to work with someone like this and he was very funny.
Fortunately, he was able to behave when work demanded it but I'm not too sure about his private life. He had been divorced three times

Put like that, no, I don't expect the OP to return, however, I do think if the OP hadn't mentioned anything about the face pulling it may have been different. The inference made about the faces her dh makes hit a nerve.

I am still of the opinion that his behaviour is infantile, disrespectful, tiresome and embarrassing and in the OP's position I would have to do something about it. Perhaps one of my comments was a bit harsh and 'below the belt', and I'm prepared to apologise for that.

It's interesting what you say about the face-pulling, emotions. I perceived that as doing 'monkey faces', any kind of silly faces - the sort that end up in a competition. It's down to interpretation and, if OP hadn't said 'not exactly politically correct' posters wouldn't have allied that with 'SN faces'. I still don't know what she meant by that but why can't posters ask instead of leaping to conclusions and deriding her... based on no knowledge? It really is 'pitchforks at dawn' here much of the time. Absolutely stupid.

I absolutely agree that her partner's behaviour is infantile, disrespectful, tiresome and embarrassing and I wouldn't like it or put up with it. I didn't see any nasty posts from you, I named the two posters who I shuddered at. We all have different points at which a line is crossed; I wouldn't be with this man because he and I wouldn't suit each other at all. I won't pick on a woman for deciding to stay with somebody whose behaviour is 'off' though, she doesn't need it, she has enough to deal with.

On a more serious point, when I read about women who stay in abusive relationships, with partners who hit or verbally abuse them, I keep quiet if I can't offer a hand-hold because how the hell does judgementally adding to a poster's misery in any way help them?

I wasn't being consciously snide, Lying. I was simply imagining myself as a bystander in a shop where a grown man is pulling faces which (the OP strongly implied by 'gormless' and 'not politically correct') publicly mock people with SN, in front of a wife who admitted in her OP to being regularly embarrassed by him, or in Karen Millen where a man tired of waiting comes in asking for a 'vacant blonde' and then hoists her over his shoulder and leaves.

A minority of people might find that hilarious. But I'm fairly sure I would not be the only bystander wondering why the woman involved had found such crass, belittling 'comic' behaviour a basis for a longterm relationship. Especially one involving children, when it seems she married one. Or whether such behaviour was a recent phenomenon, subsequent to their marriage/children, and she was wondering what to do.

The fireman's lift in a public place is like something out of an old movie, where the man physically manhandles the woman into doing what he wants. This - and the "vacant blonde" expression - is typical of a very old-fashioned, sexist attitude towards women which used to be accepted but now just seems insulting and inappropriate.

Lying I tend to avoid the abusive relationship threads for the same reasons you cite.

BabyTuckoo... I have no idea what OP meant by 'not politically correct', I've said what my interpretation was, it's probably wrong but actually, we don't have any more information than that - 'unpolitically correct'.

I don't like what this man does any more than you do and I've said so. I don't think most women would like it or find it funny. OP isn't married to this man but that isn't the way I read your post, not at all. I read it as a judgement against the woman (the OP) who might have children with him. She is NOT responsible for his behaviour. If I've misinterpreted you then perhaps the OP also has?

As a bystander, I would probably wonder just as you have, I wouldn't voice it though. If the man posted on here "AIBU to find myself hilarious?" with the same as OP has written but as himself, he would justifiably be handed his arse. I'm glad you came back to explain, perhaps OP will see it. She didn't deserve some of the comments that she got, they were unfair.

Lying if the OP's dp had posted as you suggest the bloodbath would have been of epic proportions.

Oh yes... and he would have deserved every lash!

I agree with lying tbh, op partner sounds absolutely tiresome, and rather like one of the Imbetweeners, I don't see how pulling gormless faces is offensive. People can pull many faces, without it being linked to someone with SN, people are filling things that are not there. My interpretation of op partners gormless face is one like a blank puzzled expression. His 'humour' mayby one of the traits that attracted op to him, though not my cup of tea. I would have issue with the vacant blond thing though, I would pull him up on it, as it is disrespectful to the op.

I can't imagine why you would go shopping with him more than once if he behaved like that? Can't you just leave him at home?

So funny sorry OP guess it's because my DH is a bit lie that but not the fireman lift bit as that would kill him! Unwind he will be spreading faces and those too grumpy to smile will think how lucky they are plus have something to be horrible about! Of course if it's too much for you then just remind him before you go out you'll soon get the message across... Or not!

I think posters have come to the conclusion the pulling faces thing was mocking SN because the op said it wasn't PC and it wasn't racist. That's certainly the conclusion I drew.

Just to clarify his faces are in no way 'racist', it's more of a gormless look he adopts. He only does it in good humour, he's not an offensive person at all and would be mortified if he really did upset anyone

There wasen't anything about it being un PC, just a gormless look, which I read to be a blank puzzled expression. In noway did I read it to be that her dh was mocking somebody with SN.

It's like humour from a completely different time - all based on the casual assumption that it is funny/acceptable for men to physically dominate or insult women in a "jokey" way. It's just embarrassing and inappropriate today.

The unPC comment is in the OP.

How can anyone seriously find that funny? Putting the disrespect to the side, he just sounds so boring. There's nothing more cringey than someone trying so hard to be funny and failing so miserably.

Op has said the fireman lift only happened once, she put a stop to it. I would have issue with the vacant blonde thing though. But Op obviously doesn't mind his humour and is able to tell him when he has crossed the line. It is obviously something she finds quirky in him. For the record, dh is very serious, I am the one who is a bit jokey but not like op dh.

He sounds like the guy at the beginning of that film with Penelope Cruz where her new husband glues her to the chair at their wedding ceremony, thinking it was funny (she obviously ended up with someone else!). Can't remember the name?