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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my H to stop smoking Cannabis?

116 replies

cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 21:56

I have asked him to stop or at least cut way back smoking cannabis as he smokes about 8 - 10 joints per day.

What im finding is I barely know him straight, in fact he is not a nice person at times straight, he is moody, sulky and so short tempered.

I pi**ed off skirting around his moods!

So am I to straight myself?

OP posts:
ktd2u · 23/04/2015 21:57

No you are not being unreasonable.

JemimaPuddlePop · 23/04/2015 21:58

10 joints a day?

Do you really have to have other people tell you?

GinAndSonic · 23/04/2015 21:59

Ltb.

TiredAssShowgirl · 23/04/2015 22:00

Ha. Very unlikely you don't know the answer. Lose the loser. Do you have children together? if not, run for the hills.

Leeds2 · 23/04/2015 22:00

Get rid.

Original poster
cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 22:04

We have one child, I know this is crazy, but I feel very weak to him, not as in love with him etc just don't feel strong enough to do anything about it.

I don't imagine many women would out up with the crap!

He has said he can not stop as he needs it, I know he needs it as when without or even in between joints he can be awful!

OP posts:
foreverdepressed · 23/04/2015 22:05

Depends really, has his behavior changed or not? If he has always smoked joints and been an arse then YABU to expect him to change.

If this is new thing YANBU.

foreverdepressed · 23/04/2015 22:05

Either way LTB unless he changes pronto.

morethanpotatoprints · 23/04/2015 22:08

YANBU, and it is affecting your relationship.
Both dh and I smoke but nobody would guess, it's one or two before bedtime and a little bit lasts us for ages.
You can't do it to extremes when you have dc either, it just isn't right.
The od party if agreed and somebody capable and in charge is different though.
He is wrong and he needs to cut right back YADNBU

Original poster
cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 22:08

He has always smoked and always been arsey but now it has become more depressing and noticeable probably down to have our child and thinking I don't want her thinking it is normal.

OP posts:
Katinkka · 23/04/2015 22:10

ltfb

mangoespadrille · 23/04/2015 22:11

Instead of asking him to stop, why don't you offer to go with him to GP/counselling/CBT to help him stop? Ultimatums rarely go well unless you have a plan for next steps. What will you do if he says no?

Also, yes, he needs to stop. Ten joints every day? Serious problem.

Original poster
cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 22:13

I have asked him, he said no and now I feel guilty for trying to change him.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 23/04/2015 22:16

You can't change him. You can only change yourself. Change your tolerance of this situation, change your enabling behaviour, change where you live and with who.

Mandatorymongoose · 23/04/2015 22:17

God that must cost a fortune.

I'm suprised you ever really see him 'straight'. I suspect you really see him either stoned or grumpy because he wants to be stoned.

While weed isn't physically addictive some people do become very psychologically dependent on it and irritability / depression are very common when not smoking. He'd probably have to be free from it for quite a while before you could assess what he's actually like without it.

Your GP can refer him to your local community drug service who can offer support to stop smoking it if he is unable to do so by himself - he would still have to want to stop though. If he doesn't there's not much you can do aside from remove yourself from the situation.

PisforPeter · 23/04/2015 22:24

He needs to seek help. Cannabis is a filthy drug & causes so many mental health problems including psychosis. I hate the fact that it is sometimes seen as a rather benign drug because it most certainly is not.
rantover

Mamiof3 · 23/04/2015 22:26

ShockHmmShock

8-10 a DAY???

He has a serious problem. How does he function?!

If you left him you would be in no way shape or form unreasonable

Mamiof3 · 23/04/2015 22:28

Ps your house must stink of weed, he will too, do you really want that for your child???

Original poster
cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 22:33

Sorry posted to soon, I asked him to stop as the mood swings where getting too much and our child was picking up on the silences, he said he was able to as he needs to smoke. I can see this as I have seen him without and during that time I was praying that he would get his hands on some as it was such a miserable atmosphere. The first thing he does on awakening before anything is make himself his morning joint, then disappear to smoke it while i do everything else!!

OP posts:
olgaga · 23/04/2015 22:36

I'm afraid the only thing you can do us decide what YOU want for yourself and DD.

Do you want a waster and a bully in your lives? Do you want your DD to grow up thinking this is normal?

Cherryapple1 · 23/04/2015 22:41

so why are you with him?

ilovesooty · 23/04/2015 22:50

If he doesn't realise that that level of consumption and dependency is a problem I don't know why you're still with him quite frankly.

HowDoesThatWork · 23/04/2015 22:51

How does he cope with work?

textfan · 23/04/2015 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 22:58

He has only just started working a few days per week, he has done it for so long he is well used to be able to function this way.

OP posts:
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