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Original poster

To ask my H to stop smoking Cannabis?

116 replies

cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 21:56

I have asked him to stop or at least cut way back smoking cannabis as he smokes about 8 - 10 joints per day.

What im finding is I barely know him straight, in fact he is not a nice person at times straight, he is moody, sulky and so short tempered.

I pi**ed off skirting around his moods!

So am I to straight myself?

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 23/04/2015 22:58

He is obviously smoking too much of the stuff, it's having a bad effect on his behaviour and health and he needs to stop.
I'm sorry, it isn't hard even for a long term smoker, the tobacco on the other hand is hugely addictive and harder to stop ime.
Tell him if he cares enough for you and his child he will stop.
It must cost you a fortune.

You need to be tough with him, no way would me or dh or anybody we know get to this state when they have children. I'm sorry but he needs an ultimatum, if he needs support then make sure he goes.

thisisnow · 23/04/2015 23:00

He will never stop if having a child hasn't stopped him then nothing will. Your only choice is to leave and get on with your life without him.

Original poster
cattygirl1 · 23/04/2015 23:01

He never smokes in front of our child but does smoke in the house. I just don't want her to think it's ok to be like this.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 23/04/2015 23:06

You need to give him an ultimatum - he gets support to stop or he leaves.

If he's accessing this level of supply it's only a matter of time before police and / or social services get involved in the situation.

msgrinch · 23/04/2015 23:09

op my ex was the same. I even ended up giving him money to get weed as him without it was vile. Please take it from someone who's been there, leave. He will not choose you over it. It's horrible and will he hard but you deserve so much better.

It's a hideous addiction and I did everything I could to get my ex away from it. Think of yourself and your dc now as harsh as this sound's he's not. When someone's that addicted they have to hit rock bottom themselves. I'm so sorry you're where I was but u promise you it gets better. Thanks

morethanpotatoprints · 23/04/2015 23:10

It's not ok for it to be like this. There is your answer.
Even if he doesn't smoke it in front of her, he is never straight and as under the influence incapable of making a good judgement at times.
Even smokers wouldn't want a partner like this, hw is putting the weed before his family.

ilovesooty · 23/04/2015 23:13

Just looked at your other threads. He's a controlling, financially abusive cocklodger. I really don't see what you get out of this relationship.
Please look after your welfare and that of your child and get rid of him.

msgrinch · 23/04/2015 23:21

I just wanted to say it took me a year to leave my ex. I had many threads, many ltb comments. It takes time (he was a cock lodger and emotionally and physically abusive) I wish someone could have shown me a picture of how my life is now. Now I'm calm, ds and I are doing are own thing, I don't have to worry about his mood swings or paranoia.

Fatmomma99 · 23/04/2015 23:49

Don't think your kids don't know.. they will.

How do you feel about your DC smoking dope? Because look at what is being modelled to them. This WILL be ok for them, because their parent does it.

What do you want for your kids?

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/04/2015 02:11

It's not the substance as much as the behaviour. He has mood changes, he can't stop, he won't stop, he checks out of life; family and couple, he is always under the influence. It really doesn't matter if he's taking coke or cannabis; he's an addict. And the same things are true of all addicts. You can't change it, you didn't cause it, you can't control it.

It is also true that most addict parents are emotionally absent. Even the ones who aren't abusive as such harm their children by needing something outside themselves to this extent. If your child needed something; an operation or a trip somewhere, would he immediately drop everything, not worry about the dope and cope with it? Or, would you have to because he wouldn't?

GladysTheGolem · 24/04/2015 03:30

Does he ever drive the car with your child in it?
Does he ever look after the child alone?
If you were seriously ill and unable to physically look after child for let's say 3 days, how would he cope?

Where's the incentive for him to change if you're willing to live with him, and have kids with him knowing he's like that?
He's a selfish waste of space and you'd be much better off as a 'proper' single parent instead of in this sad facade of a partnership.

There are three in this marriage, and you're nowhere near as important as him & his weed.

You & your DC will be happier without him.

Dutch1e · 24/04/2015 05:18

Was he an angry person before he started smoking? If so, he may be self-medicating an unknown (and perhaps easily manageable) mental health issue. Before you pack your bags, is there any way you could ask him to speak to a doctor?

paxtecum · 24/04/2015 05:30

Dutch: it is unlikely that the doctor will be able to do anything until he stops smoking cannabis.

Op: it wouldn't get any better.
My XH is mid 60s and has a very addled brain, still smoking and taking pills.
He hasn't worked for 15 years, but lives off his new wife's XH's generosity.

meowth · 24/04/2015 11:36

Mood swings? Sounds like he has cannabis psychosis. Cannabis can cause an array of mental health issues, which I suffered at FIFTEEN.
I still suffer with anxiety and depression. both parents smoke it and I'm not quite conviced that DP has stopped. I don't know, its just awful. I smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and take BC but they're the ony drugs I take. I don't even take paratamol - I got wired off 2 cocodamol and had the worst comedown ever!

leave anti-cannabis posters round the house.
OR tell him to stop, again, or you're leaving.
OR ltfb. No time for drug addicts.

Original poster
cattygirl1 · 24/04/2015 17:38

Thanks everyone. I don't think our child knows as she does not know what drugs are but she will over the next few years.

He does look after her alone and drive the car with her and us. As I don't know how Cannabis makes you feel it is confusing. He says it keeps him chilled and relaxed, which it does as when it is wearing of between joints he is moody and snappy. He spends perhaps £30 - £40 per week on his habit.

I just feel all of a sudden im being stupid expecting him to stop as I knew he smoked when we met but that was many years ago and before out child.

It just feels different now.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 24/04/2015 18:09

I just feel all of a sudden im being stupid expecting him to stop as I knew he smoked when we met but that was many years ago and before out child.

I work with some young people who use crack and meth. A lot of them happily stop when they get pregnant. Because if you have a child you should try to be the best parent you can be. He isn't. And it isn't you being stupid to expect that.

He says it keeps him chilled and relaxed He has to learn skills to keep him like this that don't involve drugs. And, he has to teach your child those skills because one of our jobs as parents is to teach our children emotional skills. He doesn't have any.

Seriously, you have to think about the long-term issues here. Your partner is modelling addiction, lack of emotional intelligence, emotional unavailability and a lack of empathy. That is not what you want. Even if your child never sees the actual drug use (which they will guess because they are not bloody stupid).

tywinlannister · 24/04/2015 18:11

How can your child possibly not know. Face facts, your house must reek. Even my 4 year old holds his nose when we walk past the increasing groups of young people in the park. The stench is overpowering.

This man is not putting his family as a priority, but you must. He should definitely not be in charge of a car. LTB.

morethanpotatoprints · 24/04/2015 18:13

OP

This isn't right and no way should he be in charge of a child whilst under the influence.
I'm not sure how long it takes to get out of the system but have heard its weeks.
Once again, the smokers I know don't drive if they have had a joint that day let alone 10.
You have had lots of support on this thread, please take peoples advice and do something before its too late.
£30/£40 now will increase and the 10 joints will be 10/15 or he'll just need more and more in the same number of joints.
This is no way for your child to grow up and you as her mother need to act on her behalf.
his habit is far worse than a little chill out time before bed, which is what most smokers do if they have dc and haven't stopped altogether.
hell, I had 2 very small ones myself last night, but was up and fully in charge and straight.

PotteringAlong · 24/04/2015 18:17

[http://think.direct.gov.uk/drug-driving.html]]

NEVER let your daughter or yourself get in thecat with him driving high on cannabis.

PotteringAlong · 24/04/2015 18:17

think.direct.gov.uk/drug-driving.html

DarthVadersTailor · 24/04/2015 18:19

Out of interest OP do you smoke yourself?

whothehellknows · 24/04/2015 18:21

If he's looking after your child alone and smoking that many joints each day in your home, I'm surprised the neighbours haven't called SS. I'd be inclined to.

morethanpotatoprints · 24/04/2015 18:24

Oh, and I don't drive OP. My dh only has a smoke at night if he doesn't have to drive the next day. It's the same as drink driving.
please make changes to your life for the sake of your child, she deserves better and her clothes must stink.
If her uniform smells at school or nursery it is enough to alert ss and the smell as you know is unmistakable. Although, if you have lived with it for years you may not realise how bad the smell is.
Get it out of the house and don't let it back in.
Clean the house from top to bottom and give your child the fresh clean air she deserves.

Bunbaker · 24/04/2015 18:33

What redeeming qualities does he have?

"He does look after her alone and drive the car with her and us"

FGS. Why are you allowing this to happen? Grow a pair and either leave him or kick him out.

I suggest you read this

OrangeFluff · 24/04/2015 18:40

I worry that he is spending more on it than you realise? £30 worth of weed would normally give you around about 10 joints. unless he is smoking VERY small spliffs (which I doubt because he must have a very high tolerance to it) then something doesn't add up.

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