to be perfectly happy doing stuff alone?

[onceuponavino]

Hi all,

This really isn't a big deal, I'm just interested to get other people's input!

Since my late teens I've been perfectly happy doing things alone e.g. going to the cinema, going out for lunch, exercising. I'm just not someone who has ever really wanted a "gym buddy" which used to somewhat irritate a few friends at uni as they would take it personally.. but I just prefer exercising alone!

I am particularly like this with shopping. If I know I want a new dress for something I will take myself off into town, get the dress and it's done. I don't feel the need to ask a friend to go with me. I'm not a loner per-say, I have a close group of friends but at the same time I am comfortable being a party of one. Don't get me wrong I love having people around me but I don't feel I NEED people around me. I'd rather go to the cinema with a friend but if there is a film out that no one I know wants to see, I'll just take myself off and that's ok. When I have some spare time I may well want to spend it with friends but I may also just want to be by myself.

The thing is, people seem to take this personally. I was with a friend today and she asked if I was busy on saturday and I said no. She said "ok do you want to come into town with me I need some new shoes." So I said ok but straight away she responded with "you don't really want to do you?" I must have given that away in my tone although I really didn't mean to! I know you may be thinking, well your friend just wants to spend time with you, nothing wrong with that. But she lives 3 houses down from me, we both work from home so we see each other almost every single day. She's just that type who always needs people around her (she's said many times she gets agitated if she's alone for more than an hour or 2- when not working I mean) which is just something I can't comprehend no matter how hard I try. Of course I will go into town with her but I can't help but think "for goodness sake you're a grown woman who needs a new pair of shoes just go into town and get some!"

I suppose since my late teens I've always felt a little odd for being like this as I know so few people who are the same. I used to fib about doing more on the weekend than I actually did- which may well have been spent alone with a good book or whatever else I fancied doing. Again it's not that I didn't have people to do things with, I just sometimes would want a weekend to myself.

So is anyone else like this? Does anyone else sometimes feel pressured to be with people all of the time or made to feel "odd" if you don't want to be? I sometimes think no one really gets it at all!

I do this! And I love it!

Friends do find me odd though so I shop online mostly

I'm the same vino

And my bff who I shared a house with is the total opposite.

We think each other is very weirdo.

I love doing things alone! I exercise alone with my iPod and my thoughts, I run alone, I go into town and wander round the shops by myself. Sometimes I pop into a coffee shop while I'm out for coffee and a bit of cake - I read my kindle while I'm eating. I feel smothered if I spend too much time with people! I even take myself off to bed an hour early to watch Netflix or read before DP comes in.

Same here, I’ve always been happy to go to the cinema by myself, eat in a café by myself and even go on city breaks alone. Some people have never understood why, as they are nervous to do things on their own or, in the case of one girl I knew, need the constant attention of someone else.

I'm like you - I tend to go buy something I want/need (also do lots of shopping online as with 3 kids it saves a lot of time) and make the decision by myself if I like it/want it. Also love going to the gym by myself as family life at home is so hectic and the peace and quiet is great as is getting to focus on what I want to do. But more than happy to catch up with friends and do stuff with them that I'd otherwise be doing on my own.

Same trooperslane I just left uni last year and lived with my best friend who ALWAYS needed to be around people to the extent that she'd actually get really low and miserable if she had gone more than a couple of days without being around a big group. I remember one day in our final year during the summer holidays I was about to leave the house, she asked where I was going and I said to the park, she asked who with and when I said no one she just looked at me like I was mad. But I had my ipad and a few snacks and was excited to spend a few hours watching my favourite tv show alone in the sun! She just didn't get it at all.

And yes noblelocks I do nearly all of my shopping online..I can't stand shopping! lol

I love going shopping on my own! Can't abide other people having to wait whilst I try things on and having to justify backtracking if I change my mind... YANBU!

I'm exactly the same! I'm always being told i'm a loner or shy, i don't think i'm shy i just like my own space and so am struggling atm with a very overkeen school mum who tells me every day i can come over for a cuppa etc and i just think "arghh thank you but i'm busy having my own space!"

Sansarya yep same I was in Munich just earlier this year to go to a concert. I didn't know anyone who would want to go so just went alone! Spent 3 days exploring the city and had a lovely time..again friends thought it peculiar!

dinkystinky yes absolutely, never been the type of shopper who needs opinions of friends. If I want it I will buy it lol. And absolutely if it was a friend I hadn't seen in a while and she suggested shopping and lunch or something I'd be more than happy I just don' see the need to drag someone with you who you see virtually every day!

Me too! I prefer shopping and going to art galleries on my own. I'm quite happy to eat out or go to a cinema without company if no one else is interested. When the Daily Mail has those articles that talk about women ending up living on their own in a tiny flat because they have offended their husbands or been "unwomanly" in some way ad this is their comeuppance I sort of feel living that way would be rather nice...

Are you me?!

Yes, I'm the same as you, OP. I love doing things on my own. In fact ,I find times like Christmas and school holidays quite stressful, because I don't have any 'alone' time.

onceuponavino one of the best holidays I had was when I went to New York by myself – I loved it as if I wanted to spend all day shopping I could, if I wanted to spend hours at a museum I could.

In fact right now, with a 14 month old DS who is going through some sort of sleep regression, that is my dream holiday!

I'm the same too, hate going shopping with other people or exercising, I will go to a cafe with a friend but am also happy to go alone.

There's that thing about introverts needing time by themselves in order to "recharge" and extroverts needing time with other people to get their energy. Personally I need time by myself. When I went back to work after mat leave I always used to go to a cafe and have lunch alone because it was such a welcome break. The idea of going swimming or to the gym with a friend, if I am going for exercise, horrifies me - how would you get any exercise done?

I prefer doing many things alone (swimming, walking, cinema, train journeys). It means I can do them exactly how/when I want. As for shopping, I can't relax so much with other people as I feel like I'm dragging them around. It's about having confidence in your own company and opinions. If it's a big purchase or I'm really not sure, I might narrow it down to 2 then ask DH for his opinion.

I'm like this. Perfectly happy to wander round on my own. In fact, I need it - if I don't get quiet alone time I get very stressed. I'm not shy and a lot of my job involves wrangling big groups on projects. I'm good at it, and good with people, but I need alone time like I need oxygen.

You're probably just introverted. Go read "quiet" by Susan Cain, or watch her TED talk.

Some folks need solitude to recharge, others wither with it.

YANBU to enjoy time alone. I'm actually typing this sitting in the park by myself at the moment, it's a glorious day outside!

YABABU to have the ffs attitude to people who don't enjoy time by themselves- everyone is different!

You are not alone (although you'd prefer to be...). I love taking myself out for the day, having lunch where I want to at the time I want to and going wherever I want and taking as much time as I like. If I go out with my boyfriend, I feel guilty going into shops where I know he won't be interested in what's on sale and as he's an insanely fussy eater, I often dismiss certain restaurants based on the menu, when I'd much rather eat somewhere more exotic. Other people are appalled when I say I eat on my own. I think it's good for you to spend time alone. I think we can rely on others too much sometimes.

I definitely have introverted tendencies though and feel drained after too much interaction with others. At parties, I can always be found in the kitchen washing up, just to get away for a bit. I also spend longer in the toilet than needed just to absorb the silence.

I'm like this too! I was beginning to think I was odd but I just like my own company. I hate going into town with someone else i like to get what I want at my own pace and I love nothing more then grabbing a coffee sitting on my own and reading a book. I have lots of close friends I just find it more practical and enjoyable to do certain things alone

Same here. I would hate to drag (or be dragged) shopping for something with someone else. I find clothes shopping so boring and it is just a means to an end for me. I do have colleagues that won't go shopping for clothes UNLESS they have someone with them.

I am like this too. Nothing nicer than your own company once in a while.

I'm the same OP. I love shopping on my own, or even just sitting at home on my own pottering - watching TV, browsing the internet, doing my hobbies - if DP comes home early/unexpectedly and interrupts my alone time I get unnaturally frustrated!

onedaywhenIgrowup yes that is a good point and I take that on board! Shouldn't have said it that way as I suppose my friend equally things "ffs why does she always want to be alone!*

It's refreshing to see so many like-minded people. I totally agree about the practicality of doing certain things by yourself. skiptonlass I will definitely look those up.

I'm not a shy person really and am actually one of the more bubbly people in my close group of friends but it definitely takes a while for me to be really comfortable around people. I'm sure some aquaintances would be shocked to see how much more bubbly I am around close friends/family! But I admit I am not the sort who can instantly merge into a group of newbies.

And I am 100% with you there fatlazymummy I remember when I was at uni (And I always stayed in my uni town rather than go home for the holidays) I always slightly dreaded it as I knew I would be forced to be around people all the time. During term time I could always make the excuse of needing to study etc but during summer there was no where to hide if I just wanted a day alone! and this is exactly me today googoodolly

naicepalm yes my friend was appalled when I told her I had bough tickets to see a play by myself.. she's the type who if no one else wants to do the same as her, she just won't bother.

Thanks everyone you've made me feel a little less alone

I'm exactly the same. I enjoy the cinema, theatre, walking and shopping much more when I am alone. I take myself off to museums and art galleries alone too. Much more fun than having to pull yourself away from something because your mate wants to go!

People don't believe me when I say I have honestly never felt lonely since my early teens. I love being at home alone too. DH takes DS away to visit family in another part of the country sometimes and, if I can get away with it, I stay home. Marvellous! Eat what I want and when I want, watch the TV programmes I want, listen to music without a 'Mum' plea, go to sleep late if I want. Fantastic. Love them to pieces but it's nice to just do what I want without having to think of anyone else's needs just for a couple of hours or days.