to be perfectly happy doing stuff alone?

[onceuponavino]

Hi all,

This really isn't a big deal, I'm just interested to get other people's input!

Since my late teens I've been perfectly happy doing things alone e.g. going to the cinema, going out for lunch, exercising. I'm just not someone who has ever really wanted a "gym buddy" which used to somewhat irritate a few friends at uni as they would take it personally.. but I just prefer exercising alone!

I am particularly like this with shopping. If I know I want a new dress for something I will take myself off into town, get the dress and it's done. I don't feel the need to ask a friend to go with me. I'm not a loner per-say, I have a close group of friends but at the same time I am comfortable being a party of one. Don't get me wrong I love having people around me but I don't feel I NEED people around me. I'd rather go to the cinema with a friend but if there is a film out that no one I know wants to see, I'll just take myself off and that's ok. When I have some spare time I may well want to spend it with friends but I may also just want to be by myself.

The thing is, people seem to take this personally. I was with a friend today and she asked if I was busy on saturday and I said no. She said "ok do you want to come into town with me I need some new shoes." So I said ok but straight away she responded with "you don't really want to do you?" I must have given that away in my tone although I really didn't mean to! I know you may be thinking, well your friend just wants to spend time with you, nothing wrong with that. But she lives 3 houses down from me, we both work from home so we see each other almost every single day. She's just that type who always needs people around her (she's said many times she gets agitated if she's alone for more than an hour or 2- when not working I mean) which is just something I can't comprehend no matter how hard I try. Of course I will go into town with her but I can't help but think "for goodness sake you're a grown woman who needs a new pair of shoes just go into town and get some!"

I suppose since my late teens I've always felt a little odd for being like this as I know so few people who are the same. I used to fib about doing more on the weekend than I actually did- which may well have been spent alone with a good book or whatever else I fancied doing. Again it's not that I didn't have people to do things with, I just sometimes would want a weekend to myself.

So is anyone else like this? Does anyone else sometimes feel pressured to be with people all of the time or made to feel "odd" if you don't want to be? I sometimes think no one really gets it at all!

Maybe there's something in this eldest child thing...I love being with the people I love, but need alone time to recharge. I appreciated going for a run so much more once I had children and things were hectic, and a cinema trip alone is a lovely treat!

Eldest child too and feel like op. Am sociable and have lovely friends but need time alone.

However I need a balance once spent an entire week totally alone in foreign country out of season so didn't speak to a soul and by the end of it was desperate for company- when I met up with my friends I couldn't stop babbling!

I'm another who enjoys being on my own. Especially shopping. I am very much a lone shopper. I like to browse where I want, at my own pace and without feeling under pressure from anyone else.

The only activity many of you mention that I haven't done on my own is go to the cinema, because that is something we do just once in a blue moon an go as a family.

I do like catching up with people regularly, but I do love just my own company too.

It is the great thing about having older children now (19, 16 & 12). My days of being able to do things like shopping or walking the dog alone have made a welcome return. I thought it would never happen, but it has.

I live on my own and apart from a couple of short term relationships, I have been that way for about nine years.

I do most things alone. People are surprised that I holiday alone. I went to Thailand last year on my bod and the reaction from others ranged from horror to something akin to awe. It was so stress free, not having to worry about anyone else. The thought of going away for a fortnight with someone sends shivers down my spine.

A lot of people think I'm odd...

I'm like this too. I have to have some time alone every day to recharge my batteries. I also prefer to (but rarely do) eat alone.

Interestingly I'm a middle child of 3, as is my equally introvert son.

op, I think you are me!!! I happily spend time looking round the shops alone! I feel I can take my time and not feel watched etc .. not done the cinema alone yet but want to do this soon.

The problem is with me, I am single. I think my parents want me to meet someone and settle down. which makes me lie to them by saying things like 'yeah I met some friends and did this and that at the weeoend' when sometimes I have done Buggar all. I just like my own company. I find it sad when people can't be alone for long, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life so you may as well enjoy yourself! I do socialise a fair bit though. but sometimes it feels like a choreA

YANBU - I also love time to myself just to potter and think or procrastinate and do nothing. I love a good comedy at the pictures with company, but most films I'd much rather see by myself, then if it's rubbish I don't feel guilty for having dragged someone else along.
And clothes shopping is a very definite solo activity.
I believe that being content with your own company is a vital skill. My mother is of a generation that went straight from family home to marital home and until my father died 7 years ago had never, ever lived alone. She finds the solitude unbearable and has hardly adapted at all to single life.
Embrace your ability to enjoy your own company!

Another eldest child here who loves doing stuff alone! Cinema, art galleries, shopping, coffee. And I love the idea of a holiday alone. Last year I visited 2 friends in France but spent the days and travelled alone, evenings with them. It was fantastic! That seemed the perfect set up to me and now my kids are older I look forward to more of it. I'm happy to hep a friend shop but for my own stuff prefer to go alone. This thread is reassuring!

I'm the youngest of three and very outgoing on the surface, but would happily spend every weekend alone without the pressure of having to meet up and do things with other people.

Today for lunch I went for a walk in the cemetery opposite my workplace and it was bliss - no-one else there, walking in the sun and quiet (is that too weird ?)

I am so like this...the youngest child (of two) here, though. Sorry!

Totally with you on this. If people ask what I'm doing I'm careful to find out why before i answer!

I'm a youngest too.

Interesting that someone meant feeling watched. I think for me it's partly wanting the solitude but also a privacy thing. I dont want an audience all the time.

Depends on the kind of shopping. Clothes is best done alone, but if ive got a few errands to run a bit of company can be nice, once in a while. But going alone is my default.

I never understood the girls at school who wouldnt go to the canteen on their own. If they wanted a chocolate shortbread that badly then surely they would go alone.

Me too

Interesting about not wanting an audience - I feel the same which is probably why I never post anything on Facebook (I set up an account to keep an eye on dd1 but she isn't interested at the moment, thank goodness) or other social media (although I love twitter and was a social media manager for a while!)

Meant should've said mentioned.

I especially love going to the cinema by myself. Bliss.

I love my alone time, I go for my breaks at work by myself and get annoyed if people try and talk to me in the break room. I love solo trips to the cinema and have never been able to understand why some women need company when they go to the loo!

Just checked back.. so many interesting and VERY relatable posts here!

I don't fit into the eldest child category though as brother is 2 years older than me. He is definitely not an extrovert but does need people around him or he gets very low.

I definitely relate to the not wanting an audience thing. It's why Iv'e always HATED birthdays. I never want to do anything for it and am always told I am a killjoy! I just hate the idea of people having to spend money on me, like for birthday meals or whatever. and having a cake brought out with everyone singing HBD, urgh just hate it! I always feel like it's just a bother for everyone else. I'm same about getting married (been with DP for 4 years, no marriage yet.) hate the idea of all those eyes on me and all the fuss and stress for everyone with the planning! No no no. Oh and my graduation- skipped that! An entire day all about me with all eyes and attention on me from family..no thank you!

I only just discoverd Susan Cain this afternoon but already adore her. A few quotes I have read and love

" ' come out of your shell' That noxious expression that fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter wherever they go, and that some humans are just the same."

"introverts think before they act, digest information thoroughly, stay on task longer, give up less easily, and work more accurately. Introverts and extroverts also direct their attention differently. If you leave them to their own devices, the introverts tend to sit around wondering about things, imagining things, recalling events from their past and making plans for the future. The extroverts are more likely to focus on what's happening around them. It's as if extroverts are seeing 'what is' while their introverted peers are asking 'what if'"

“Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to. Stay home on New Year’s Eve if that’s what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances. Read. Cook. Run. Write a story. Make a deal with yourself that you’ll attend a set number of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you beg off.”

I'm the same. I can't imagine ever asking someone to come clothes shopping with me, in fact I get a bit tetchy at the thought of doing things like that with others.
I like being with others but for me being with others is an activity. Not something I have to do to 'do' things. If I decide to do something with a friend I make a proper arrangement most of the time, not want them involved in everyday things I do? If that makes sense.

Yes! I love sitting in cafés and pubs on my own, with a book or just people watching. I love time to myself!

My dh works nights and I always get 'oh but aren't you lonely?' from people. No - I get to walk around house with no bra on, paint my nails with no one moaning about the smell and lie on my bed eating what I want with a book and the cats!

I went round the world on my own when I was 23. It was fantastic, I could decide at any moment to leave one area and move on. Made loads of friends because you do if you are a single traveller.

Can't stand it when I'm due to meet a friend at the pub and they say they'll wait outside because they don't like to go in by them self. What? Don't be ridiculous!

I'm an oldest child too, with one brother 4 years younger that I don't have a lot in common with. My childhood was happily spent playing alone with dolls etc. I had a rich fantasy life I didn't share. I like going on holiday alone too - well partly on my own and sometimes riding holidays in a group. My oldest son is very like me and has travelled abroad quite a lot on his own, whereas the younger one tends t go in a group of friends.

Youngest child here - of 4.

Love time to myself, especially evenings if OH is out and his kids are out. What I want to eat, what I like on the TV. Happily go out for a walk or run on my own.

Love going shopping (on the rare occasions I go shopping) on my own. Also happily arrange a day off work to garden, go for a walk, go and have coffee.

REally love going away for work, or when visiting friends, the drive back so I get a night in a city on my own, go to cinema or eat out.

But I wouldn't go to pictures where I live on my own, or eat out at night on my own here - as its too small and someone I know will be there. I like being anonymous.

Also only been on holiday on my own once - and thinking about it - loved it!

Never post on FAcebook...don't want people knowing what I'm doing...

We all have so much in common. Maybe we should arrange a meet up... Oh wait...