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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have totally lost it at my toddler over a poo?

97 replies

sleepy11 · 23/04/2015 12:27

My DD is 2 1/2. She was potty trained over Christmas and did really well - she took to it quickly and is very good at wees and is pretty much dry overnight too.

Now, I realise she has achieved a lot for a young toddler but............

She is an absolute pain in the arse about having a poo - she knows she needs to go but refuses. She's not constipated or anything, it's more of a 'need for control' issue. When she does go she is really pleaseed with herself and we all make a big happy fuss Smile

Last night however, I took her off to the potty as she was doing her 'poo wiggle' that she does when she is trying to keep it in, she sat for 5 mins and swore blind there was nothing coming. She did a big wee so I thought maybe I had misjudged the wiggle.

About 5 mins later she was playing a cried out "My need a poo!" and got upset - I picked her up and ran up to the bathroom but it was too late and it was EVERYWHERE. Not to mention down my front where I had unknowingly held her pooey back against my front. I totally lost my shit.

She was stripped and washed and bathed, all whilst I shouted and she cried. She was VERY sorry when we had all calmed down.

As I said, I realise she is very young but I asked her specifically only minutes before if she needed one and she can usually wait so for it to explode the way it did, she must have been feeling it coming for some time.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.......................... why won't she just sit and have a bloody poo and let us all get on with our day?! I am sick of the traipsing to the loo for nothing, not to mention the state my washing machine must be in these days!!

OP posts:
MyArksNotReady · 23/04/2015 12:30

I think anyone who moans about two and a half year of their dc and poo. Try 17 years of bowel incontinence in your dc, three times a day often one in the night, then come back to me.

QueQuesto · 23/04/2015 12:30

My DD was reluctant to do a poo on the potty even after getting reliably dry, bribery with a fun size chocolate bar for one done in the right place worked wonders.

MyArksNotReady · 23/04/2015 12:31

Argg, I think YABU.

Whatabout · 23/04/2015 12:31

YABU she is a child, you are the adult. She must be terrified of pooing now. If you needed to lose your cool you should have left her and gone back in to the bathroom when you had regained your composure. I'd havd told her I was not happy, explained why and then moved on.

VacantExpression · 23/04/2015 12:31

I think YABU to have lost it how you did she is still very young. My two youngest DC are older than her and both will swear blind they don't need the look then two minutes down the road someone is desperate for a wee or poo. I don't think your DD was trying to wind you up on purpose.

That said we've all lost it at some point or other, in situations where we look back and think oh no I can't believe I did that, haven't we?

Sheitgeist · 23/04/2015 12:32

I'm sorry but YABVU... shouting at her all the while while cleaning her up? You're making such an issue of pooing that you are making it even more difficult for her to go normally.

As easy as it seems to us, pooing is not necessarily all that easy for all children to learn; some have issues, such as a friends child who, even at age 5 couldn't poo in the toilet, only in a pull up.

The less of a fuss you make, the easier it will be for her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2015 12:34

I can't believe you are asking if YABU. OK we all lose it sometimes but clearly you are being U at her age. I would apologise and give her a hug. And try not to do it again. She is still developing bowel control. And she might also be testing your boundaries buy yes she is only 2.

I do sympathise though as DD used to smear poo everywhere and poo on floor. Poo is emotive subject.

This was a big slip up though even if understandable and forgivable. I would change your thinking about it.

momtothree · 23/04/2015 12:34

Move to the toilet - keep a special book to share ONLY for poos - or my kids learnt the alphabet - quite funny as they still do it

justbatteringon · 23/04/2015 12:35

Sleepy you deserve these Flowers
Kids are frustrating sometimes I know mine are and I have barely started potty training.

AGirlCalledBoB · 23/04/2015 12:36

Yabvu she is two and a half and has done amazingly well. One accident does not deserve to be shouted at and made to cry. It happens when you potty train, they are going to have accidents. But as adults you keep your cool, clear it up and remind your child how to go to the potty. Shouting at her and losing your temper is not going to help you at all.

eggsandwich · 23/04/2015 12:36

My ds has sn and is nearly 15 years old, on some occasions he will poo in his bedroom on the floor which is next to the bathroom, thankfully it doesn't happen as often now but I remember when he was younger constantly wiping poo off the walls and carpet so understand what your saying but at two and half it will happen try not to get upset with her.

theworkofsatan · 23/04/2015 12:37

I can remember when my DS was five or maybe six and started soiling his pants and then hiding the pants around the house. This went on for months. I also found bits of poo behind furniture. I'm afraid that one day I just lost it and really, really shouted at him. I don't know why but I just found this really upsetting and it made me really cross at the time. I look back and feel bad about shouting at him like that but I was frustrated, stressed (single parent with no money) and for that one moment I lost it with him. I still feel awful now btw.

However I can empathise OP, poo all over the place is not fun times. And you are a human being and sometimes human beings make mistakes and shout at their kids when maybe they shouldn't. Don't beat yourself up over this, it will pass.

TwoOddSocks · 23/04/2015 12:37

Clearly YABU she's just a toddler and still feels nervous about doing a poo on the potty. Getting angry at accidents is just going to amplify her anxiety, try rewards and not making a big deal of it instead.

That said you were stressed and lost it, it happens. Learn from it and move on.

kissedbyamoonbeammyarse · 23/04/2015 12:39

Its frustrating op. My eldest just wouldn't poo either. It became painful eventually. You over reacted. Because she is so young its too late now to apologise to her, I am thinking you didn't as you state she was very sorry. You should have been too. Let her have permanent access to a potty and try to be disinterested in the whole procedure til there is poo in the potty. Then praise her. Not huge rounds of applause but high 5 and smile and cuddle. It's not an instant fix, takes months.

MissMuesli · 23/04/2015 12:40

I think YABU and potentially going to cause problems. This sounds horrible but when my daughter went through a phase of holding it in when I knew she needed to go I would just let her have an accident. She needed to learn between "Yes I can hold this" and "Ah, that feeling means it was too late". Only needed to happen a few times then she got it. We just cleaned up with the stick phrase "Don't worry, it was just an accident" and carried on with our day. It wouldn't work for every child but it did for us as there was no pressure, no anxiety a d no worry. She is still very little. I also would have apologised if I had shouted that much. I always apologise when I have shouted because I have lost control, it's good modelling I think.

Totality22 · 23/04/2015 12:40

YABU. Shouting isn't going to help the situation is it? It's just going to give your child negative associations with regards to pooing.

Goldenbear · 23/04/2015 12:40

Yes YABU for shouting at the poor little thing whilst stripping her. We all have our moments but you sound like you still think she deserved it and that is very unreasonable IMO.

DougalTheCheshireCat · 23/04/2015 12:40

Have you never gone to the loo, feeling like it's on the way, found that it isn't only to go back five minutes later?

I have.

Also it's not 100% controllable, even for adults. If there was trapped wind or something, it maybe wasn't moving (even though she could feel it) and then suddenly it was.

Sounds like it from your description. Yes YABU. She is 2 1/2. She wasn't trying to wind you up. Getting angry was a mistake, I would, as others have said, give her a big apology.

And then also maybe you need to take a step back and see how you can adjust your expectations and approach here? It sounds like in general she's doing really well. But pooing will become an issue if you don't find ways to calm down, give her time (and accept that sometimes that will means she calls your bluff, has accidents etc).

Glass of wine for you. Big, sincere explanation and apology from you to your little girl. Start over.

Muddymits · 23/04/2015 12:41

Sleepy you are in need of a step back to go forwards. We all sometimes do things and regret them and learn from them which is where you are on this.

She isn't a pain in the arse she is little and even after a good start you could have years of shit yet. Calm and practical is the only way to make progress.

MissMuesli · 23/04/2015 12:41

Oh also, with weeing my daughter wasn't keen really, so I did a wee on the potty, showed her how we flush it down the toliet and waved it goodbye. Undignified but that also really helped.

ConcreteElephant · 23/04/2015 12:41

YABU but I suspect you know that.

She's tiny, she's done very well to potty train at this young age. Lots of children take longer to manage to poo, it's totally normal. I know it's frustrating and horrible to deal with but your shouting is unhelpful and was clearly upsetting. Toilet training is frustrating, accidents, insisting no wee is required then piddling on your sister's favourite bunny teddy 30 seconds later (last night - DS) is all par for the course.

Have you downloaded Mr Poo goes to Pooland? (Something like that - it's not a question I ask every day!) Some children feel like they are losing part of their body when they poo into a potty or loo - it's unnerving for them. You might find the Pooland story and chocolate helps. Best of luck!

Lolamon · 23/04/2015 12:41

Frustrating but it's not worth loosing your rag over. Just say you're sorry you got grumpy with her and move on

SistersofPercy · 23/04/2015 12:42

YABU but you know that. I think we've all lost our rag at some point over something incredibly minor but it's been the catalyst for breaking point (I had a meltdown at DH over a missing clock key).
As Two says, move on, you can't change that it's happened but you know you won't do it again.

EmmaLL25 · 23/04/2015 12:44

YABU she didn't do it on purpose. Yes it's frustrating but it is so easy for things to become an issue when they're so little, so you are perhaps in danger of creating anxiety around pooing.

If she's doing explosive poos that come on quickly it may be that something in her diet is disagreeing with her. Some foods have that effect on me, don't need to go one minute then explosive poo the next. I've come close to accidents as an adult with good bowel control! So can see why a toddler might struggle. Oats are a definite culprit. Just something to consider.

New day though so say sorry, put it aside and move on.

TheWitTank · 23/04/2015 12:47

I completely understand the frustration, but you were unreasonable (and I think you probably know that without asking). She is 2 1/2 - and doing very well really. I think every toddler/child has at least one accident while training, if not many. I remember my son pooing on his bedroom carpet when he was (I thought) fully toilet trained because he was so engrossed in his car game he left it to late. It ruined the carpet completely (it didn't help that he tried to close his door over the poo - nice!). It's one of those things parenting involves I'm afraid. Poo, wee and sick. Delightful.

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