Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to have totally lost it at my toddler over a poo?

97 replies

sleepy11 · 23/04/2015 12:27

My DD is 2 1/2. She was potty trained over Christmas and did really well - she took to it quickly and is very good at wees and is pretty much dry overnight too.

Now, I realise she has achieved a lot for a young toddler but............

She is an absolute pain in the arse about having a poo - she knows she needs to go but refuses. She's not constipated or anything, it's more of a 'need for control' issue. When she does go she is really pleaseed with herself and we all make a big happy fuss

Last night however, I took her off to the potty as she was doing her 'poo wiggle' that she does when she is trying to keep it in, she sat for 5 mins and swore blind there was nothing coming. She did a big wee so I thought maybe I had misjudged the wiggle.

About 5 mins later she was playing a cried out "My need a poo!" and got upset - I picked her up and ran up to the bathroom but it was too late and it was EVERYWHERE. Not to mention down my front where I had unknowingly held her pooey back against my front. I totally lost my shit.

She was stripped and washed and bathed, all whilst I shouted and she cried. She was VERY sorry when we had all calmed down.

As I said, I realise she is very young but I asked her specifically only minutes before if she needed one and she can usually wait so for it to explode the way it did, she must have been feeling it coming for some time.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.......................... why won't she just sit and have a bloody poo and let us all get on with our day?! I am sick of the traipsing to the loo for nothing, not to mention the state my washing machine must be in these days!!

OP posts:

Original poster

sleepy11 · 23/04/2015 13:48

Thanks to everyone that appreciated that I am simply a human being who is sometimes pushed to her limit and lost her cool. I did feel horrible and I did aoplogise and we talked about it after how poo needs to be in the toilet and not in pants and she instigated most of this so I don't believe I am now setting her up for a lifetime of trauma (cheers for the guilt trip).

And Maddifan - totally unnecessary to call me a bitch. Must be great to be you and be such a bloody saint.

BTW for anyone who mentioned it - she initiated the potty training so I hardly think I have forced her into it out of laziness. Do you honestly think I prefer shit all over clothes to it being nicely contained in a nappy?! Easy life it aint!

OP posts:

Dancergirl · 23/04/2015 13:49

And there is absolutely no need for stress or frustration over potty training. What's the big rush? So you can say your child was clean and dry by 2.5?

Dancergirl · 23/04/2015 13:52

she instigated most of this

Please don't let your dd think this. You think it won't happen again? It could very well do. She's a very small child and wee and poo accidents are par for the course sometimes.

Original poster

sleepy11 · 23/04/2015 13:53

Did you read the bit about her initiating it?

I am the absolute opposite of a 'show off' parent so def not so I can brag about things - am I 12?!

OP posts:

Original poster

sleepy11 · 23/04/2015 13:54

I meant she instigated the conversation - she was telling me where the poo should have been.

OP posts:

sparkysparkysparky · 23/04/2015 13:56

Oh dear op, you may have come to AIBU for traffic but you risk total strangers accusing you of [whatever].
Try blowing bubbles while sat on the loo. DD still enjoys it now.
My dm taught me to count to ten in Arabic. Whatever works.

BoffinMum · 23/04/2015 13:58

Well I have done things like this. We all lose it sometimes. If life was perfect and logical Mumsnet wouldn't be here.

I also remember being shouted at when I was the same age, for a poo-related infraction. I survived.

I reckon chillax on the toilet training and try again in the summer holidays when she can run around the garden with no pants on anyway. Stickers and charts often help.

Ignore any miserable sods on here being critical.

NellysKnickers · 23/04/2015 13:59

YABU. But I did just that. I've since learnt it doesn't help. Ds2 is 4. He poos himself if he's engrossed in something, it's messy, it stinks but it's not worth shouting over.

TheWitTank · 23/04/2015 14:00

Well there you go -you know you were unreasonable, you apologised and had a chat about it, all done and dusted. Just forget about it now and move on. You certainly haven't traumatised her for life (she's probably forgotten about it already!) and we all have our bad days so give yourself a break. Good luck with the future pooing! I also second those suggesting the children's poo books- there are a few great ones that are really funny and seem to help with understanding what their little bodies are doing!

TenerifeSea · 23/04/2015 14:00

As I said up thread, "Poo goes home to pooland" is a great book. She's the perfect age for it.

Chin up, eh? You're not a bitch, you just made a mistake. We all snap with our kids, even if we aren't willing to admit it on here. You can move on from this.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/04/2015 14:01

Yes you'd have been better putting IT in chat saying I lost my cool with my little one and I feel awful. Please tell me I'm not the only one.
People on chat obviously aren't as vipery as on Aibu.

Maddiefan · 23/04/2015 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MagicMojito · 23/04/2015 14:04

I remember when DD was about 18months( !!) And I tried to potty train her... It was epic.

I saw her "poo face" ran across the room, whipped her nappy off and stuck her on the potty. DD was not impressed. So unimpressed in fact, that she struggled free, ran off the potty, (poo still clinging onto her bum) jumped up on the couch leaving a trail of smushed poo on the carpet behind her

BoffinMum · 23/04/2015 14:05

It's not abuse, it's being extremely rattled and feeling judged that your kid isn't perfect, and trying to get it right, and worrying about mess, and all sorts of things.

Nothing wrong that a relaxed afternoon in the garden in July/August won't sort out.

LumpenproletariatAndFearful · 23/04/2015 14:06

OP no advice but I did something absolutely identical when my Ds was first toilet training and I got cross and shouted too. I still feel bad about it.

It isn't just you. x

BoffinMum · 23/04/2015 14:06

OP I think you'd be better in the Good Housekeeping topic asking about steam cleaners

tinkerbellvspredator · 23/04/2015 14:06

DD was exactly the same, went on for more than a year, over it now . I am not a patient person and may have uttered the odd FGS but I never shouted or cried and always managed to say something like 'nevermind, remember you need to go to the toilet as soon as you feel like you need a poo' and comforted her and cleaned her up. Your reaction was not acceptable and you need to get a handle on it as your DDs poo issue may well go on for a very long time.

2boysandcounting1 · 23/04/2015 14:07

Sheitgeist, sorry for hijacking post but I noticed you said you had a friend with a 5 year old who only pooed in a pad. Can I ask how.she beoke that as my 4 year old is the same. I have never made it an issue but its a real phobia to my son. Also did he have any other special needs as my son is being assessed at the moment.

OP YABU im afraid as all it will achieve is making a big issue out of pooing which will be hard to break. I know how frustrating it is though.

Topseyt · 23/04/2015 14:07

She then went through a phase where she would sit on the potty/toilet for a while before insisting that she would only do it in a nappy

Sorry topsey but in that case she WASN'T ready for potty training. Often OUR idea of readiness is very different from the child's point of view.

Dancegirl, clearly you did not bother to read my post properly. I had already pointed out that she had been weeing and pooing in the potty or toilet for some time. She initiated it. She had been clean and dry by day for several weeks, then her sister told her she could be flushed down the toilet. She reacted. I did say that too, if you look.

There was no doubt that she was absolutely ready. Don't try to judge people you have never even met, and a situation you never even saw.

Said child is now 16, and clearly not scarred for life.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/04/2015 14:07

No Maddie. No one on here has said. We condone screaming at a child. What we have said is that we can see how things happen. Life and as rewRding as it is parenting gets on top of us all at times.
No one said Good on you op for shouting at your child.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/04/2015 14:09

Don't try to judge people you've never met op situations you've never saw. Wise words.

MagicMojito · 23/04/2015 14:10

MaddieFan Posters have already told OP she was unreasonable in what happened. OP has already apologized to her DD. Have you never behaved unreasonable to your children? I know I have, but I'm still a pretty good mum, even if I do say so myself!

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 23/04/2015 14:15

Yes YABU, yes we've all done it in some form. None of us are perfect and all have our limits, some days these are lower than others.

Just carry on with the praise when she goes next and don't dwell on it, what's done is done

Honsandrevels · 23/04/2015 14:17

2 boys My dd would only poo in a nappy or pull up. If you advance search my name you'll find my.posts about it.

Firstly I gave her a nappy but she had to either sit on the potty or at least crouch down as she'd been pooing standing up.

Once she was pooing sat on the potty with a nappy on I cut a hole in the nappy, just a bit at first. Over several weeks the nappy got smaller and smaller until all the poo was going into the potty and the nappy was just a bottomless thong! Eventually she didn't want the nappy anymore and then finally we ditched the potty. She's now fine!

As your ds is older try to cut out the potty, get him to sit on the toilet to poo with a nappy on and go from there. We read Poo goes to Pooland a lot which helped!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/04/2015 14:18

I shouldn't bring this up as it's another unrelated threAd but I was a bit nasty to a poster the other day. I'm not proud . I never swore or anything but my post wAs reported and deleted. And I did apologise afterwards.
However a about a year ago I was called pathetic. I reported it and MNHQ emailed me back saying. Basically not in so many words that that it's no big deal to be called pathetic. Makes you think with one rule for one and one one for another. Do MNHQ have their favourites. !
I wonder if Maddie's post was reported were she called op a bitch would be deleted.

Flip

1 2 3 4