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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this baby shower is a cheek?

104 replies

notanotherbabyshower · 22/04/2015 18:33

I'll start by saying I'm a miserable git and I find all baby showers tasteless and grabby. I'd much rather visit the mum on my own and buy a gift I like when I want to.

I received an invitation demand to attend a baby shower for a friend, from another of her friends whom I don't know. It was very guilt inducing 'she'll be so pleased if you can attend' and then a gift suggestion list from the mum to bes husband Confused but this is not their first baby, it's their second. So they have everything they need surely?!

I have declined the invitation (said I'm working that day) but have been asked for a contribution to the mum to bes afternoon tea ticket. I've had two children, never had a baby shower by choice, the mum to be likely to be aware of it as her husband is helping organise it.

OP posts:
Roseformeplease · 22/04/2015 18:35

Just say that you already have a plan to welcome the baby - and leave it at that. Your plan could be a card, a cuddle, or a million pounds. It is non of her business!

netty7070 · 22/04/2015 18:36

Being asked for a contribution is unbelievable. Just say you'd prefer to get your friend a gift just from you.

SiobhanSharpe · 22/04/2015 18:37

Wow. You can't come to the event but they still want you to contribute? And cash, not a gift? Beyond cheeky. If pressed, you could say you would like to buy a gift after the birth.

meddie · 22/04/2015 18:38

I thought baby showers were only for 1st babies?

tinyboxtim · 22/04/2015 18:39

yanbu

Like you I am biased in my hate for baby showers, but to still be asked to contribute after saying that you are not attending? Rude.

Original poster
notanotherbabyshower · 22/04/2015 18:45

Meddie I thought the cringefest that is a baby shower was only for first babies too. It's not even like they can say they are having a ds after having their dd therefore they want boys stuff, they are having a surprise. The gift suggestions include new mattresses for their moses basket and cot, plus replacement wheels for their pram Confused

OP posts:
RudeBarbandCustard · 22/04/2015 18:48

It's rude, grabby and pathetic.

I hate all this bollocks. Why the fuck should you pay money towards her and her mates going out for afternoon tea? WTF?

Just say you've already planned your friends gift, thanks for asking.

RudeBarbandCustard · 22/04/2015 18:51

The gift suggestions include new mattresses for their moses basket and cot, plus replacement wheels for their pram

Shock

I must be old fashioned, but I've never heard of a gift list for a baby. But then, 'baby showers' are a new thing around these parts, and as far as I was aware just consisted of having a nice party with the mum to be. As for demanding certain gifts.... thats insulting.

rockybalboa · 22/04/2015 18:52

I was also asked for a contribution to a baby shower I had no intention of intending. I didn't make one and gave them a gift once the baby was born as usual. Load of old shite baby showers.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 22/04/2015 18:53

Particularly grabby. Gift list as well? I wouldn't give a bean. Save it for when the baby is here.

YANBU. People are unbelievable sometimes.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 22/04/2015 18:53

I'm not a fan of baby showers. I kind of get why it's a thing in the US as there's no maternity leave as such so understand it's the culture to help out the new mum.

As for the first baby thing, unless she missed out with the first it seems unusual. Just saying that as my first was prem. I'm not a baby shower person, but never got to do any of the gifts upon leaving work, afternoon tea type stuff that goes on.

Just say you'd prefer to get a gift after it's born

Aeroflotgirl · 22/04/2015 18:53

That's incredibly rude and grabby, that would really irk me. I would just send a message, saying that you will get the mum to be your own card and present thank you.

Missrubyring · 22/04/2015 18:54

That's quite cheeky, I'd just get your friend a gift that's from you.
I once received an invitation to my friend's 'surprise' baby shower an hour and a half before it was due to start by one of her friends (via FB) who I have never met, being held at a place I have never been to. They also asked me to bring some food, I politely declined simply stating it was too short notice and apologised.

EatDessertFirst · 22/04/2015 18:54

I can't stand baby showers. Grabby, grabby, grabby. Did I mention grabby?

Agree with Rose. Just say you already have a plan to welcome baby. Good on you for not going.

Floggingmolly · 22/04/2015 18:54

Unbelievable. It's their second baby, the husband distributed a list of acceptable gifts (what?!), and even though you've declined the invitation your cash is required anyway...
They sound as thick as pigshit.

Leeds2 · 22/04/2015 18:57

Very, very rude, in my opinion.

Agree with the others who suggest telling the friend that you will buy your own gift when the baby is here.

BastardGoDarkly · 22/04/2015 18:59

Ridiculous. Thankfully none of my friends would ever consider being so bloody grabby. Id not go, and give sod all, just on principle.

QueQuesto · 22/04/2015 18:59

I'd ignore the messages asking for contributions. I don't actually mind baby showers, my friend had a lovely one put on for her at someone's house and it was nice and relaxed, no gift lists or pressure just friends having tea and cake and a natter. Expecting non attendees to pay towards an expensive tea out takes the piss though.

PrettyLittleMitty · 22/04/2015 19:02

Beyond cheeky. Definitely do not part with any cash! Ignore any further requests for money and get a gift for the baby IF and when you want to. Cheeky sods.

ZenNudist · 22/04/2015 19:03

Yes that's rude on so many counts. What did she get your 2 dc? Not that it's tit for tat but is she generous herself?

Just say "no thanks, bye!"

expatinscotland · 22/04/2015 19:03

Oh, dear god. YANBU. Shower for a second child = grabby. But demand for cash when you're not going?! Fuckin' hell. I would completely ignore that tacky demand. NO way should you hand over money for her tea ticket.

Lucked · 22/04/2015 19:06

The baby showers I have been to be have been nice, last time to have lots of friends together before baby as it is more appropriate to visit in ones or two when there is a newborn. Never seen a gift list or a present more expensive than some nappies, wipes of baby toiletries - really just a token.

I do think a list is grabby and no one in my group of friends would ever ask for money.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/04/2015 19:06

Yet another annoying 'tradition' imposed upon us from the US.

They are awful.

Many years ago (80s), a baby shower was organised for a friend, when they appeared to be just coming into fashion here. As young girls, and it was one of the first babies being born amongst our group, we grabbed the occasion with both hands and went all out. It was a lovely evening, with lots of fabulous gifts.

Tragically, our friend had a miscarriage. I've always been against 'showers', ever since.

That aside - now I've grown up, they are incredibly rude and grabby. YANBU, OP. Most specifically as you have said you won't be able to attend, yet you've still been asked for a gift or contribution. How very rude!

turningvioletviolet · 22/04/2015 19:09

what the hell even is a 'tea ticket' whatever it is you shouldn't hand over a penny?

LondonLady29 · 22/04/2015 19:09

Ignore. Outrageous and disgusting.

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