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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to tell someone you do not want them coming on holiday with you?

128 replies

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 14:48

My husband just called me to say that his friend asked where we are going on holiday and could they join us with his wife and children.

We are going away for 2 weeks to a all inc resort in Spain.

Here is the problem, I do not particularly gel with the wife, and the thought of spending two weeks with her fills me with dread.

If told my husband this and he got the hump with me saying he would like them to come.

I can see it now, husband and mate propping up the bar while I listen to the wife talk about herself (she does this ALOT).

So my husband has told me to txt the wife saying we would rather go on our own.

How do I txt her this without sounding like an utter Biatch???

Please help me word it nicely.

Thanks

OP posts:

undercoverfashionvictim · 21/04/2015 15:13

I can see why you're annoyed but if I was your DH I'd feel very put on the spot to say no to my friend whilst giving a valid reason.

It's extremely cheeky of the friend to ask.

You either need to say why this holiday is important as you haven't been away for 2 years and it's likely to be the only family holiday for a while.

Or perhaps reach a compromise where they come for just one of the weeks you are there?

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:16

No no, 2 hours is enough for me with the wife unfortunately, otherwise id be more than happy to go with another family.

OP posts:

HaPPy8 · 21/04/2015 15:19

You can't really stop them though can you? There is nothing to stop them booking the same holiday.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:20

No of course I cannot stop the

OP posts:

NorahDentressangle · 21/04/2015 15:20

I wouldn't fall over being friendly. How dare they impose like that. Just deal with it quickly before everyone starts planning stuff - no sorry is enough.

Like I said above, tell the husband then he can deal with his DW.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:21

No if course I cannot stop them but they asked if they could 'come with us'.

Asked for the dates and hotel etc which luckily husband doesn't know!

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 21/04/2015 15:22

Anyone else wondering if the other wife is currently having a massive row with her DH about him asking to come along? Maybe she would hate the idea too.

timelyreminder · 21/04/2015 15:25

You're under no obligation to give a reason for saying "No". It was cheeky of them to invite themselves in the first place. The trouble with giving a reason is that they'll try to find ways round it.

lucycant · 21/04/2015 15:27

Yes the other wife may also be very unhappy at the idea as well.

pictish · 21/04/2015 15:28

OP you say he's crap at confrontation, yet he got shitty with you when you expressed your reluctance. Seems he can handle confrontation just fine so long as he's confronting you eh?

I've got fuck all patience with that - his pal, his problem.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:30

Yes, spot on spictish.

The wife mentioned it to me in passing once ages ago and I managed to change the subject.

OP posts:

HellKitty · 21/04/2015 15:33

I would also say that the other wife isn't happy with the idea. Hopefully.
I'd ask your husband why he doesn't want to go with just you and the DCs and tell him to sort it himself. You shouldn't be in this position especially if you're not very friendly with her.

ollieplimsoles · 21/04/2015 15:35

thank god your hubby doesn't know dates/ hotels! They might have booked the same regardless of what you said.

Does your Dh know you don't really get on with the wife??

Mrsjayy · 21/04/2015 15:36

Text her say your husband doesnt really want them there sorry that will teach him for being a bloody wuss

curlyweasel · 21/04/2015 15:39

Mrsjayy

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:40

Ha ha mrsjayy!!!

Ollie plimsoles: yes he does, she is nice enough but not my cup of tea and talks constantly about herself. I've made it very very clear to DH in the past he should have known exactly what my reaction would be!

OP posts:

Charlesroi · 21/04/2015 15:43

I'd text the husband, not the wife, and say that you heard he fancied joining you but that you were hoping for some family only time on this one. You're sure they'll understand. That way it pushes it back on your DH to explain to his mate (if the mate is rude enough to mention it again) - whether he likes it or not.
I think they've cooked it up together as a boozy lads opportunity while 'the girls' do the babysitting. Fuck that.

IvyWall · 21/04/2015 15:44

Going on holiday is a minefield even with very good friends.

You need to say NO in big capital letters

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:45

Yes exactly the boys will be at the bar a lot of drink will be had as it's all inclusive.. Friend also has a young son who will be 4 months so I am sure I would end up helping with the baby!!! Not that I would mind at all one of my friends.

OP posts:

Redlocks28 · 21/04/2015 15:48

I would be apoplectic about this! Why can't they go on their own holiday!?

Has your husband replied to your text?

Tell your DH under no circumstances do you want to share precious family time with his friends and I'd actually tell him I wouldn't be going full stop if he tells them the dates/hotel as it would totally ruin my holiday.

He can take the kids instead and spend the whole holiday entertaining them and staying sober and not propping up the bar with his mate as he'll be the sole responsible adult.

Bet he'll sort it out then.

whatsagoodusername · 21/04/2015 15:48

If DH won't do it, get hold of his phone and text the mate no from your DH. I know you shouldn't have to, but at least you are unofficially involved and the answer is no.

ollieplimsoles · 21/04/2015 15:48

Well then OP I would say that the lads are trying to covertly organise a boozy holiday under the premise of two families going on holiday together!

Good effort boys but not this time, take care of it!

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:53

Not sure if he has txt him yet, I sure will will have a row about this tonight.

2 years ago we went away with my friends but he agreed to it and we were all meeting up together a lot on the lead up to it with are kids, bbqs at each other houses, nights out etc, it was all happy families! I are this girl twice a year if that!

He mentioned this on the phone 'well we went away with your mates' but I asked him and he was well up for it, I would never have agreed or booked it otherwise.

OP posts:

Original poster

BingBong36 · 21/04/2015 15:54

Sorry that should have said ' I see this girl twice a week if that!'

OP posts:

Redlocks28 · 21/04/2015 15:56

twice a week or twice a year!?

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