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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend got food poisoning from this dinner party and we need to tell the hostess?!

119 replies

DustOfALongSleeplessNight · 20/04/2015 11:03

NC for this so i don't out myself.

Went to dinner party with friend on Sat night, didn't know hosts, they only invited me as I'm visiting friend for week. Lovely house in country, seemed clean and everyone was friendly.
Im pregnant so couldn't eat starter (smoked salmon) and for main I just had potatoes and veg as I didn't fancy the chicken dish. I usually eat chicken but it was in rich sauce (chicken cacciatore) and Im averse to strong flavours when pregnant. It didn't look or smell bad or anything. We ate at 8pm and left at 11pm, my friend was fine when we left. In car on way back she complained she felt bloated and said her stomach felt a bit 'funny', I teased her that she must have overindulged. When we got to her place I made her peppermint tea and she took some Rennies, she didn't feel ill at that point but her stomach was really swollen so she started wondering if she had an allergy/intolerance to something. At 1am she woke up feeling sick then started vomiting (violently) and developed diarrhoea, she spent whole night on loo being sick in a bucket and was ill most of Sunday. Today she's feeling a bit better but she still has bad stomach pain and diarrhoea and is in bed.
I am furious with the hosts! It's obvious to me this is severe food-poisoning and she must have caught it from the chicken dish... or AIBU and jumping to conclusions? Friend ate same as me all week, we cooked together, so can't have caught it elsewhere.
I think we need to phone hostess and tell her, I also want to know if anyone else got ill though friend doesn't have contact details for the other people. I keep thinking it was so lucky i didn't eat it too, as could have put baby at risk, and I'm so angry a host would serve up something unsafe!! What would you do?

OP posts:
QueQuesto · 20/04/2015 11:06

I doubt they did it on purpose even if it was their food and not a D&V virus so YABU to be so angry at the hosts.

MissDuke · 20/04/2015 11:07

I am sure it wasn't deliberate. Personally I would say nothing. If it is the food, then the hosts will be sick too, so will be well aware of the problem. It seems so unfair of you to be furious with them, when they were so kind to invite you. It seems unlikely they deliberately served food that they shouldn't have.

londonrach · 20/04/2015 11:08

Yabu as its not something they do on purpose.

3littlefrogs · 20/04/2015 11:08

Your friend needs to see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis/blood test.
Some food poisoning bugs are notifiable.

It could have been the salmon, the chicken, or something else entirely.
It might not be the hosts' fault - it could be the food supplier/shop or whatever.

I doubt that anybody deliberately poisons their guests and the hosts will probably be mortified.

TheMoa · 20/04/2015 11:08

I would do nothing.

Shit happens. It might be food poisoning, or a virus, or anything.

The hosts are not known to you, and it would be up to your friend to say anything if they wanted to. Perhaps your friend would rather not, or recognises that their illness could be a coincidence, or ust wants to save the feelings of the host.

All of those things are reasonable - phoning strangers in a fury, and casting baseless aspersions is not.

Dumpylump · 20/04/2015 11:08

I don't think you should do anything. You don't know the hosts, or any of the other people at the dinner party.
I think your friend should get in touch with them once she's feeling up to it, and explain that she was very ill after your dinner with them. If I were the hosts I would be absolutely horrified and deeply apologetic, but I don't think there's anything to be gained from being angry with them, it's not likely they were deliberately trying to make their friends sick, and as you said, the food smelled fine and presumably tasted fine too, so they didn't serve up something they knew to be bad regardless.

TheFairyCaravan · 20/04/2015 11:09

She could quite easily have a stomach bug like Norovirus, tbh.

Superexcited · 20/04/2015 11:09

You don't know for sure that the problem is related to the meal. It takes a Minimum of six hours and up to 36 hours for food poisoning to develop and seeing as your friend was feeling unwell on the way home only 3 hours after eating I wouldn't assume that the chicken dish was the cause.
It could be a tummy bug and not related to anything she has eaten. I wouldn't go making accusations.

treaclesoda · 20/04/2015 11:10

Without knowing if anyone else was ill, you don't know if it was the food or if your friend has caught a d&v bug, so being angry with the hosts is a bit unreasonable.

SunnyBaudelaire · 20/04/2015 11:11

Sounds like a virus tbh.

prepperpig · 20/04/2015 11:11

I think your reaction is bizarre.

Nobody deliberately invites a friend to dinner so they can poison them so IF it was the dinner party then it was clearly a complete mistake.

Why on earth would you upset the hosts by informing them? Particularly when its pure speculation on your part.

HeyDuggee · 20/04/2015 11:12

i think you sound completely irrational.

Presumably the hosts ate their own cooking - why would they purposefully make themselves and their invited guests ill? If the dish tasted ok, then it wasn't undercooked and they had no way of knowing.

Icimoi · 20/04/2015 11:12

Don't phone them. If it was food poisoning, they will know about it. If it wasn't, there's no point. Either way, stop being furious. No-one poisons their dinner guests deliberately, unless they're the Borgias.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 20/04/2015 11:13

You're being unreasonable in the extreme.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 20/04/2015 11:13

You're jumping to utterly ridiculous conclusions. It's prob a virus. If you get it in a couple of days, you'll know it was a virus. The vast majority who think they 'have food poisoning' actually just have a virus. YAB totally U.

Unexpected · 20/04/2015 11:14

You are making lots of assumptions here - it is "obvious" that your friend had food poisoning, that it "must" have come from the chicken dish, that the hosts served something "unsafe". Lots and lots of very definite statements with nothing to back them up! It is equally likely that your friend caught a bug from somewhere, possibly from one of the other guests and even if it is food poisoning it is not up to you to weigh in on your friend's behalf with the hostess. If she wishes to speak to them about it, she can do so when she is feeling better.

Icimoi · 20/04/2015 11:15

Actually, if your friend still has diarrhoea and stomach pains over 36 hours later, it's fairly unlikely to be food poisoning, isn't it? Usually with food poisoning once you've thrown up the offending food/got rid of it the other end (sorry!) then it's over and done with.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/04/2015 11:17

You are being unreasonable, they aren't even your friends.

It's pretty out there to start getting angry with the hosts and calling all the other guests.

Let your friend handle it as she wishes, she might well just have picked up a bug.

Even if it WAS something she had eaten, it would have not ben deliberate and I am sure they will get in touch to mention they have been unwell.

Calm down a bit.

Runningupthathill82 · 20/04/2015 11:17

Your reaction is way OTT. Your friend could've been coming down with a bug for all you know.

Also, why would YOU do anything when the host isn't your friend?

And (missing point) why can't you eat smoked salmon while pregnant? I did...maybe that's something else I got wrong.

DoraGora · 20/04/2015 11:18

Maybe the OP has got the point by now.

quietasamouse · 20/04/2015 11:18

Your reaction is ridiculously out of proportion tbh. How odd.

MajesticWhine · 20/04/2015 11:18

It sounds like it might have been food poisoning. But you can't know for sure. YABVU to be furious with the hosts, because even if it was food poisoning, it is not their fault, just a mistake. I think it would be best to not say anything. No good could come of it.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/04/2015 11:18

Everythings been said so I just thought I'd add in you can eat smoked salmon when you're pregnant

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/04/2015 11:19

You are potentially being very rude

You cannot say for certain that this is food poisoning. Even if it not, these people are not your friends and you are fine - therefore it's up to your friend how she wAbts to deal with this

If you want to be helpful, I would make your friend as comfortable as pisdible and then head home. I can't think of anything worse than being unwell with guests in the house - particularly if you are chuntering on in the same unreasonable fashion you are here

PurpleSwift · 20/04/2015 11:19

Why on earth are you so angry? You're being irrational. It won't have been intentional and you have no idea if it even is food poisoning! It would also be very unlikely to harm your unborn child had you eaten the dish. Your friend could just have a bug and sickness kicked in after eating such rich food.