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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend got food poisoning from this dinner party and we need to tell the hostess?!

119 replies

DustOfALongSleeplessNight · 20/04/2015 11:03

NC for this so i don't out myself.

Went to dinner party with friend on Sat night, didn't know hosts, they only invited me as I'm visiting friend for week. Lovely house in country, seemed clean and everyone was friendly.
Im pregnant so couldn't eat starter (smoked salmon) and for main I just had potatoes and veg as I didn't fancy the chicken dish. I usually eat chicken but it was in rich sauce (chicken cacciatore) and Im averse to strong flavours when pregnant. It didn't look or smell bad or anything. We ate at 8pm and left at 11pm, my friend was fine when we left. In car on way back she complained she felt bloated and said her stomach felt a bit 'funny', I teased her that she must have overindulged. When we got to her place I made her peppermint tea and she took some Rennies, she didn't feel ill at that point but her stomach was really swollen so she started wondering if she had an allergy/intolerance to something. At 1am she woke up feeling sick then started vomiting (violently) and developed diarrhoea, she spent whole night on loo being sick in a bucket and was ill most of Sunday. Today she's feeling a bit better but she still has bad stomach pain and diarrhoea and is in bed.
I am furious with the hosts! It's obvious to me this is severe food-poisoning and she must have caught it from the chicken dish... or AIBU and jumping to conclusions? Friend ate same as me all week, we cooked together, so can't have caught it elsewhere.
I think we need to phone hostess and tell her, I also want to know if anyone else got ill though friend doesn't have contact details for the other people. I keep thinking it was so lucky i didn't eat it too, as could have put baby at risk, and I'm so angry a host would serve up something unsafe!! What would you do?

OP posts:
Zampa · 20/04/2015 11:20

I've had food poisoning develop within a few hours (bad mussels) and it lasted about 3 days. It was horrendous.

However, I think YABU for the reasons pps have mentioned. No-one gives someone food poisoning on purpose.

foreverton · 20/04/2015 11:20

I got salmonella when I was 17 weeks pregnant with ds who is now 12.
It affected hundreds of people( sandwich shop in city centre)
Symptoms started around 48 hours after eating.

I assumed it was a bug but ended up in hospital for 11 days.

Last week in our house, ds and dd had the vomiting bug, 3 days later I had severe d and v.
Dp didn't get ill at all.

Ds blamed it all on eggs we had all eaten, clearly not or dp would have been ill too. It was a 24 hour type stomach bug it seems.

Sometimes, there is no "blame" for these things.

SunnyBaudelaire · 20/04/2015 11:24

oh yes the smoked salmon thing - there are no contra indications to eating this when pregnant AFAIK

Vycount · 20/04/2015 11:24

Here you are Op - have a grip from me. Flowers

KERALA1 · 20/04/2015 11:26

Zampa same I was poisoned by mussels at jamie Oliver's no less! We did contact them actually they couldn't have given less of a shit didn't return calls etc. put me off jamie oliver (and mussels). Agree your reaction is really odd they were nice enough to cook you dinner can't imagine they wanted to make everyone (including themselves) I'll.

OnlyLovers · 20/04/2015 11:28

Why are you furious? Hmm

I think it does sound like food poisoning going by the symptoms and timescale.

But seriously, phone them up and read them the riot act? Tell them how 'angry' you are?

I got food poisoning once from a delicious chicken dinner at a friend's house. Everyone else ate it too but no one else was ill. I was just unlucky. Shit happens.

Oh, and I wasn't 'angry' at my friend and I didn't have a go at her for serving up 'unsafe' food. Obviously she didn't do it on purpose; obviously she'd have been mortified if I told her. So I didn't.

Get over yourself.

KERALA1 · 20/04/2015 11:28

Americans told to avoid smoked salmon when pregnant I worked with some who were horrified I ate it. Stick to british advice on that one!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/04/2015 11:28

I am 10 weeks pregnant with DC3 and just had a delicious bagel with smoked salmon and cream cheese

I also had food poisoning with DC2 when I was 7 months pregnant - that was fun. DD was fine!

SunnyBaudelaire · 20/04/2015 11:28

no need to be mean to the OP, it was a fair assumption

sugarman · 20/04/2015 11:30

The thing with salmon (and lots of ther foods) is that they may potentially carry listeria

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/04/2015 11:31

I just go by the nhs website and they have declared it safe.

sugarman · 20/04/2015 11:32

Listeria can be very harmful to unborn babies. It is entirely up to the indvidual to decide whether she wants to take that risk. It isn't very cool to mock her for her choice.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/04/2015 11:34

And I'm not one for giving OP's a hard time, but I think these people were gracious enough to invite you into their home when they don't know you. If it is food poisoning it wouldnt of been on purpose.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/04/2015 11:35

The NHS have said it's safe to eat?!

sugarman - as you say, lots of food carry listeria. Should pregnant women give up eating?!

I've been pregnant 3 times and I just cannot be bothered with people who make a total meal and fuss out of what they can and cannot eat based on misunderstanding and misinformation.

Runningupthathill82 · 20/04/2015 11:36

Listeria from what, smoked salmon? Aren't you more likely to get Listeria from salad?

I wasn't mocking the OP, I was wondering if there were new guidelines on smoked salmon since I was pregnant 3 years ago.

But it seems not?

Original poster
DustOfALongSleeplessNight · 20/04/2015 11:38

I didn't say they deliberately gave her food poisoning, just that they shouldn't have served unsafe food at a dinner-party. How difficult is it to ensure you prepare food safely and cook it thoroughly??

I don't think its a virus, or I would have caught it by now (I've been looking after her since Sat night, holding sick buckets, cleaning floors, changing her sheets etc, I've had vomit all over me so had plenty of exposure.) Also i don't think a virus would be this severe, I've had norovirus in past and it was nothing like this. My friend says it feels like food poisoning she had in India.

Gobbolino leaving her alone is not an option right now, she's too unwell and only just managing to keep down fluids. She won't go to GP as can't leave loo for more than 15mins and is wobbly on her feet. Im really worried about her.

OP posts:
Dumpylump · 20/04/2015 11:45

There are loads of different viruses though, and different people will respond differently to the same virus, so to say your norovirus wasn't the same as your friends current illness is meaningless.
I would also keep your fingers crossed and not be too sure that you haven't caught it.

Lariflete · 20/04/2015 11:50

OP, people react differently to viruses etc. as I got Norovirus while pregnant and could barely stand for a week and only kept tiny sips of water down during that time, so sounds similar to your friend (although she isn't pregnant).
The timescales for food poisoning are a bit off from what you've described but it's not impossible. I just don't think you should assume anything regarding the hosts food preparation. As other posters have said it may be down to the meat they bought, potentially a bug she was already incubating or could have been down to the hosts food preparation. But there isn't really any way of knowing and it would be ungracious of you to 'let them know' as nothing would be gained by that.
A better use of your time would be to call her GP / 111 for advice.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/04/2015 11:51

So worried that you've got time to be posting on Mumsnet? Hmm

Let's say it was food poisoning (which I still don't think it was. It started far too soon after she ate the food), you seem to be approaching this from the position that they did this deliberatly. Have you never made a mistake in your life? You seem very uncompromising and unforgiving. Think about how you would like your DC to be treated in future by others if they made a genuine mistake?

In any event, as everyone's pointed out - you're well and they are not your friend so the best thing to do is stay out of it.

EverythingButTheKitchenSink · 20/04/2015 11:51

Another asked if being unsreasonable, told YABU and then says they're not unreasonable... As people have said above - food poisoning tends to take much longer than that and you don't know that the hosts didn't prepare everything safely as it could have just been one dodgy thing. So YABU to be furious.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 20/04/2015 11:52

How difficult is it to ensure you prepare food safely and cook it thoroughly??

If there is something wrong with the food and no sometimes you can't tell then nothing you can do would make it safe, you can take precautions but sometimes it isn't enough.

I got norovirus 2 years ago and I was pretty much as you describe your friend, I ended up just staying sat on the loo with a bucket in front of me to be sick into or led on the bathroom floor as I couldn't move any further, I would also advise you to look out for yourself as you could still be incubating it if that is what it is.

tywinlannister · 20/04/2015 11:54

If it were that easy to just "not serve unsafe food", food poisoning wouldn't exist at all, would it?

YABU.

If you feel that strongly, save some of the sick/poo and get your friend to take it to the doctors for testing as then you can really give these irresponsible hosts (going around serving FOOD to guests, what wankers!) what for when you have the test results in and can PROVE they were negligent!

msgrinch · 20/04/2015 11:54

yabvu. Calm down. Sounds like a bug anyway.

Runningupthathill82 · 20/04/2015 11:56

Erm, ok OP. You're too nervous to eat smoked salmon but you're happy to spend two days getting covered in the vomit of someone with a potentially nasty bug?

weeblueberry · 20/04/2015 11:56

I'm not clear as to which food you're referring to as 'unsafe'? Is it the salmon? Because if so people serve salmon every day without ill effect. Especially if its supermarket or fishmonger salmon....