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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8 is too young to supporting sports' teams and that ex is being UR over this?

76 replies

thinkingmakesitso · 19/04/2015 21:17

We separated a year ago and over the last 18 months or so ds1 has been getting more and more enthusiastic about 2 sports that ex also loves. As a result ex has been taking him to local matches quite a bit - they were at the cricket all day today and they have been to the football every few weeks. I am not thrilled for several reasons:

  1. Ds gets very upset when things don't go well for the team - I have had to deal with tears several times over it, and I don't like the constant checking of the score. I think he's too young and it's bloody tedious. One day ex had told ds a match was on the radio one Saturday and we had to listen in - on my day with ds Angry. Yes, I could have said no, but then I would have been the bad guy.
  1. The bad language ds hears at the football (though, tbf, I have never been great at not swearing around the dc - not at them, around them) and the horrible attitudes/ tribalism it engenders. Ex is not like that but the attitude seems to be pervasive. For instance, we were out for the day at a neighbouring county and ds commented it would be full of 'X (local rivals) fans'. I really don't like this and hate all the talk of 'thrashing' people, people being 'rubbish' etc.
  1. He does nothing comparable with ds2 (5) who is not at all sporty. I think, as time goes by the amount of money spent will be noticed and resented, and now the time is. Ds2 saw ex for 5 minutes today Sad.

I think ex has just not realised that now we are split this is going to be hard to manage. His dad bought ds1 membership of the local cricket team for this b/d so I imagine they are going to go a lot - where will that leave ds2? If ex tries to see him at another time, it will eat into my time with the two of them, and if not, it's just not bloody fair. I don't think he will try to make it up, as seems to be returning to his hometown each Sat (seeing OW?) so there will be no time. In addition, I catch up with school work on a Sunday, so will not work for me having ds2 around.

I am getting more and more worked up as I type and know that if I raise it I will be cast as the UR one. To make it worse, he came in this morning expecting me to have prepared a packed lunch for ds, and when I hadn't he made one for himself as well Angry.

WIBU to tell him he needs to cut back on it all a bit?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/04/2015 21:19

Other than point 3 yabu.

Sport is great for children and I see nothing wrong - or vaguely unusual - about an 8 year old being a fan of a certain team.

EastMidsMummy · 19/04/2015 21:23

Supporting teams is a great life lesson. No-one wins all the time so kids have to become resilient to disappointment and failure. Sports tribalism should also be like pantomime, if you do it right. It's like booing and hissing the bad guy. It's not real.

Purplepoodle · 19/04/2015 21:23

I don't think its unusual for a dad and son to share love of a sports team and support them. Could u encourage ex to take both sons? Even if ds2 plays on ipad/ds then at least he's out and probably would be trailed along anyway if you were together. Then after they could do something ds2 likes.

tumbletumble · 19/04/2015 21:23

Agree with Sirzy that point 3 is the main issue here. My DS age 9 is a big football fan (partly DH's influence) and I can't see a problem with it.

PlummyBrummy · 19/04/2015 21:25

YANBU. Fanatical support of sports is pretty tedious for anyone else not similarly afflicted.

EatShitDerek · 19/04/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCs · 19/04/2015 21:26

You are right that he needs an equitable amount of time/interest with DS2, however you are just being jealous and quite frankly ridiculous with regards to everything else.

BackforGood · 19/04/2015 21:26

Absolutely what Sirzy said.

You could certainly question a parent only doing things with one of his 2 ds's , but you arebeing totally unreasonable with the rest.

It's great for dc to be involved with sports even if it is just watching. Also great for them to have a shared interest with their parents. Yes, including their Dad. Just because he is your ex, doesnt mean he shouldn't be parenting the boys.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2015 21:27

I also agree that YABU, apart from point 3.

I can't see anything wrong with having an interest in sport and age 8 is certainly not too young.

In fact most kids I know who end up playing a lot of sport themselves, do so because of an early interest in it.

AuntyMag10 · 19/04/2015 21:29

Besides point 3 I think you're absolutely ridiculous. He's 8 yo! It's great his dad and him enjoy something together, can you ever be too young to enjoy sport Confused

EatShitDerek · 19/04/2015 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longdiling · 19/04/2015 21:30

Yep, number 3 is the big issue. My 8 year old has reached an age where he's really, really into football and especially his Dad's team. It's a real bonding thing for them and I think it's his way of being grown up. I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 19/04/2015 21:31

I think supporting teams is a great lesson in life, a great bonding habit between parent and child and it is very possible to go to football matches and not sit in the loud, sweary sections. Where's the harm in listening to a football match on the radio? My main issue, as PPs have said, is the exclusion of DS2.

Original poster
thinkingmakesitso · 19/04/2015 21:31

I agree that doing sports is fantastic, but I'm not sure what is so great about supporting teams. I really don't think it brings out the best in people. Fortunately, ds plays both these sports as well, and that is something I am very happy about.

How is taking ONE of your two children to an event that you want to go to anyway parenting? I don't think it is. He pays no maintenance atm, though does before and after school childcare 'for me' and that and Sundays is the contact he has. It's really not equitable for ds2 imo.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 19/04/2015 21:31

Agree with the others. The lack of time spent with his other son is the main issue.
I'm afraid if your son enjoys these sports and is choosing to support and engage then you would be foolish to try and stop him. It will create a rift and bad feeling. 8 is old enough to go to matches and start to learn how to deal with losing.
Their father does need to wake up to how he could be effecting his other child.

CustardLover · 19/04/2015 21:34

I was going to write pretty much everything that everyone else has already said. Point 3 is a problem but the rest is fine, even good I would say. My DS is 3 and a mega fan of DH's football team plus they play for a local kids' team every Saturday morning (well, DS plays, DH coaches). It's great for team spirit making friends and generally healthy.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2015 21:34

I agree that doing sports is fantastic, but I'm not sure what is so great about supporting teams. I really don't think it brings out the best in people.

That's something you and your ex need to teach him - 'Humble in victory and gracious in defeat'.

ihavenonameonhere · 19/04/2015 21:35

It creates a lifelong bond between the 2 of them. I've been going to football with my dad since I was 9. I wouldn't have had it any other way

BastardGoDarkly · 19/04/2015 21:35

Agree with pps, apart from point 3, yab a bit ridiculous.

Could they alternate weekends, so ds 2 goes along to sport one weekend, then they all do something else the next weekend.

AuntyMag10 · 19/04/2015 21:36

You're not sure what's great about supporting teams? Who do you think plays the sport?
Agree that he needs to spend time with ds2 but to begrudge your DS1 this time with his dad enjoying sports is just spiteful.

MissBattleaxe · 19/04/2015 21:36

How is taking ONE of your two children to an event that you want to go to anyway parenting?

It's called shared interests. My DH likes bike rides so he takes our eldest son with him. Eldest son now likes bike rides too. It's how it works. He doesn't take the other one because he's too young at the moment, ditto football matches.

Your ex probably doesn't take the younger one yet, but will when he's older.

YABU- father son bonding over a shared sports team is as old as the hills and always will be.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 19/04/2015 21:43

I've been going to football matches with the same group of friends for 30 years now, if that's not bonding I don't know what is. None of us have turned into delinquents.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2015 21:44

I wasn't overly keen on football or rugby until my DS began to share his Dad's interest, and became passionate about them.

Then I found myself watching it with DS when an important game was on TV, and my DH was at work...just to keep DS company really, so he had someone to watch it with.

Now I quite like it myself, so you never know OP, it might grow on you.

Or at least you might start to understand the passion for it, the more you witness it.

NeedABumChange · 19/04/2015 21:58

You sound really spiteful. Resenting the fact your son shares a hobby with his father. Not wanting him to listen to the radio because it "eats into your time".

Besides You do realise he will be supporting teams at school already?

SeenSheen · 19/04/2015 22:43

Most 8 year old boys support one team or another - it is perfectly normal. I'm afraid that you are going to have to come to terms with it as you will not be able to control what he likes to do for ever.

Let him listen to the radio by himself whilst you get on with something else.
It will probably rub off on your 5 year old when he gets a bit older and hopefully they can all go together.