Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH thinks I wbu, do you agree? People interrupting me whilst out running...

310 replies

Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 14:05

I know I am being a bit precious but here goes…

I live in an area which has a fair few tourists, this morning I was out for a run. There is one spot in the middle of the route where I have to run up a hill, I choose it purposely as it is v challenging to do.

I was running up the hill, just looking straight ahead and trying to focus and get up there. Then a couple approached me from the side & tried to ask me the way to somewhere (I think) but I just blanked them as I didn't want to stop and couldn't talk while running, not even to say 'Sorry can't stop'.

I did feel rude but then I thought, why ask a runner for directions when there are plenty of other people to ask? It was not an isolated spot, there were literally dozens of other people walking up & down the street. They did not look distressed, if I had thought there was any kind of emergency I would have stopped & helped….but I heard them giggling in amazement at my rudeness after I blanked them & ran past.

This has happened once before & I did the same thing. I told DH about it and he said they probably asked me because they assumed I was local. He thought I was rude and should have stopped, I said they should have known better than to try to interrupt a runner for a non-emergency. We had a bit of an argument about it & I said that they would never have done it if I had been a man, as they would have then assumed I was a 'serious athlete'.

WIBU? This is a genuine question.

OP posts:
Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 21:47

OK several male runners have said on here that they get stopped/interrupted also so I may have got the wrong end of the stick on that. My perception is that women are approached more in public generally, but admit that is perception only & can't prove it.

I don't spend the whole time dodging/excusing myself, it is not as extreme as that. But I look at the way ahead and, if I see a potential obstacle, I manoeuvre to avoid it. The pavements are quite broad and dotted with people rather than crowded by them…I may avoid a large group of people but generally,it is not a major problem, plenty of room for everyone. As I say it is mostly an urban area so there are few options.

Normanprice - I would have had to stop to hear what they were saying so shouting directions over my shoulder wasn't an option. There were plenty of other people around for them to ask, so why ask someone pounding up a hill? They did not seem distressed in any way (were laughing at the time), if I had felt that they really needed my help then I would have offered it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 22:21

Re being stopped in the street and asked for help…..this happens frequently and quite often turns out to be scammers so I am automatically wary at the best of times.

And they are not always men either…I had a woman begging for money, telling me some sob story about being locked out of her car and needing money for a taxi home... when I was out with DS in his wheelchair, so she obviously thought I was a soft touch. I just didn't believe her story.

Another time I nearly fell for the oldest trick in the book... was walking down the street and a woman stopped me, showing me something in her hand 'Look what I just found on the pavement!' It turned out to be (what looked like) a gold ring.

She chatted with me for a little while about who may have lost it, it could have been there for days etc. Then thrust it into my hand: 'You have it darling, you seem such a lovely person so I want you to have it, it will bring you luck.

Oh, and could you please give me a contribution of £XXX in return? It must be worth a lot and I would really appreciate it…'

Shoved the ring back at her and walked on.

That's before I even start on all the harassment from street Romeos, trying to strike up conversations with me while I am going about my business, following me in the street asking where am I off to, do I want to go for a drink with them etc (no, actually I do have a life and places to go, things to do which I flatter myself are quite important, & I don't want or need to account for these to the likes of you, why do you think it appropriate to bother me in the street instead of going to places where people have chosen to socialise, and if I wanted a drink I would go to a pub).

Much much less of all this now I am older (I sometimes think that it is almost the only good thing about getting older! along with being more self confident and giving much less of a shit) but a lifetime of this has ensured that I am always on my guard in any case when approached.

Don't want to go off topic too much but I think this background has also coloured the way I reacted today. When I think about today's incident, the couple approached me from the side, coming out of a side street, which I really really hate.

OP posts:
flyingspaghettimonster · 19/04/2015 22:29

I wouldn't stop you, but I think your reaction was incredibly rude. What the he'll does it cost to say "can't stop!" As you run by? Runners think they are so important - running down the middle of the road rous here and not giving a shit about the traffic they hold up, running across roads when the lights are against them, wearing headphones so they don't even hear the cars approach...

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 22:33

Hi flying spaghetti, maybe you are right that it would have been marginally less rude to gasp out 'can't stop' whilst running by and refusing to stop, though only marginally. I don't know what runners you are talking about who hold up traffic etc…am sure it does happen but it is definitely not me. I don't think I am any more important than anybody else.

OP posts:
mousmous · 19/04/2015 22:39

What the he'll does it cost to say "can't stop!"

well, breathing is kind of important...

AmysTiara · 19/04/2015 22:39

YANBU

musicalendorphins2 · 19/04/2015 22:42

Women are trained to be "nice". There is no reason why they had to ask someone who was running by, they should have asked someone who was walking or sitting on a bench or something. I don't think you were rude, you were busy. Would they have tried to stop someone on roller blades, or a bike? Doubtful.

CheapSunglasses · 19/04/2015 22:43

No, you WNBU.

Of all the people they could've stopped and asked, why pick the one person who is clearly engaged in a task that obviously requires a lot of energy, effort and concentration?

They were being thick to pick you and thick to be surprised you didn't stop.

Don't apologise, don't give it a second thought.

I often get asked directions when i'm out and about with my headphones in. I do always stop and talk to the person because having headphones in isn't a good excuse not to unlike running but I do get irritated. What I would like to say, but never do, is; 'Really? You want me to pause my music in the middle of a song when you could've asked the person over there at the bus stop instead?'

I even get asked directions when I'm in places I've never been before. It's happened in Tokyo and Rome!

Dieu · 19/04/2015 22:44

I'd never see my run as more important than helping someone else. To do so is arrogant, so I think you were rude and unreasonable. That said, I wouldn't single out a runner for disruption, and would have probably asked someone else.

musicalendorphins2 · 19/04/2015 22:45

Oh, I mean, women are raised to be "nice", meaning we often put others before ourselves even when it is a disadvantage to us. I believe in being "nice" , but I also believe in being assertive, and sensible.

TheChandler · 19/04/2015 23:31

Dieu I'd never see my run as more important than helping someone else. To do so is arrogant, so I think you were rude and unreasonable.

Gosh, you are very humble! tbh, I don't care if a few people think I'm being rude. Or arrogant. I don't go around making value judgments on people that they're unfit or ignorant. They'll get over it, especially if being ignored by a runner is the worst thing that happens to them that day! (obviously if someone really, actually needed help, as opposed to simply interrupting the nearest person for directions, then I would stop).

ComposHatComesBack · 19/04/2015 23:49

Yanbu
It is the same self absorbed attitude that runners display when they expect a busy pavement of people to part like the red Sea so they don't have to alter their pace.

If you and they want to run undisturbed run around an empty field or just stop and accept you have to share social space with other people . It won't kill you to engage in social niceties. You're not mo fatah on track for a gold medal at the Olympics.

TheChandler · 20/04/2015 00:09

compos You're not mo fatah on track for a gold medal at the Olympics

Do you think only men aiming for Olympic medals have worthwhile sporting achievements then?

Brandysnapper · 20/04/2015 00:11

If I ever run 5k in 30 mins it will be a personal achievement for me as big as an Olympic medal.

ComposHatComesBack · 20/04/2015 00:32

No, but charging through the streets barrelling anyone who gets in the way isn't an achievement, just anti-social and selfish.

Brandysnapper · 20/04/2015 00:35

Eh? I think you are conflating types of behaviour here. OP does not barrel into people as far as I am aware.
I personally move too slowly to barrel into anyone!

TheChandler · 20/04/2015 00:42

Compos No, but charging through the streets barrelling anyone who gets in the way isn't an achievement, just anti-social and selfish.

I think you're extrapolating a bit.

If someone assaults you, go to the police.

I have been assaulted, and regularly get harassed while running, so have adopted a type of concentration which, to some, might come across as "focussed". I make no apology for either that, nor for not stopping when asked for directions while running. It hasn't happened often, admittedly, but I sympathise with the OP, and agree with her suspicion about the askers' motives.

I certainly don't "barrel people out of the way" - why would anyone want to get bruised and battered. How odd. Of all the groups of people to get offended by, runners minding their own business and looking focussed must take quite a lot of effort!

KatoPotato · 20/04/2015 00:55

Is stopping a runner as dangerous as waking a sleepwalker?

I grew up being terrified I might accidentally kill someone or be killed myself

Coffee1234 · 20/04/2015 02:59

Running up a steep hill is hard work and requires focus and breath control etc. Stopping mid way is highly annoying and allows lactic acid buildup. I am very surprised that a runner (not jogger) was stopped. I'd stop for an emergency but not for simple directions.

If I was at the gym and had a question about opening hours or something I probably wouldn't choose the person doing hard intervals or something either.

I may not be an Olympic runner but i have very little free time and if my only down time of the day was interrupted, during the peak intensity time, by a non urgent question then I wouldn't have been too impressed either.

daisychain01 · 20/04/2015 04:29

Having run for many years, I have lost count of the number of times

  • I have been stopped for directions, even had a map thrust in my hand and asked where am I, then had the person have a go at me for 'dripping' on their map (at which point I gave it back and ran off!) So I'm afraid after so many times of doing that, I have had to decline. It does wind me up!
  • had abuse hurled at me from car windows, just because I'm a female runner
  • had someone deliberately push me into a hedge, last weekend, this was on a very quiet country lane, I was not in their way, they were just being a complete arsehole.

So keep at it, OP keep running up that hill. OK so some people will get arsey because you didn't stop what you were doing but theyll get over it. Running takes physical and mental strength to even get out on the road, sheer willpower some days, it may not look much, but to the person doing it, its very hard when you're tearing your guts out to have to stop abruptly or even think! Smile

CaramellaDeVille · 20/04/2015 05:17

You were definitely not being unreasonable or rude/selfish etc OP. I would've stopped but only because I'm a hopeless people pleaser. I time my running and find it very tough, I have to get into 'the zone' and if someone stopped me and made me think about directions/change my breathing etc. I'd probably have to give up on my run. Non-runners may not get it.

Casimir · 20/04/2015 07:16

I'm with runner. People asking directions, seriously selfish. and lazy, figure it out.

Scrumbled · 20/04/2015 08:09

Yanbu I would never stop a runner going up a hill.

kungfupannda · 20/04/2015 08:22

Why on earth would you stop someone engaged in a physically demanding activity, the point of which is generally to keep going for X amount of time or X distance, and ask them to do something for you that would inevitably take some time?

I can't possibly imagine why anyone would think that was a good idea. The OP's been criticised for thinking she was too important to stop, but the tourists clearly thought they were more important than what she happened to be doing at the time. Why wouldn't they just stop someone who wasn't running?

I live near a very touristy place, and people do seem to make odd decisions about who to stop for directions. I've been approached while tucked into a doorway with one finger shoved in my ear trying to hear what the person on the other end of the phone was saying. I've been asked for directions in the middle of trying to sort out a screaming DS2 who'd just tripped over and cut his lip. I've been stopped while running through the pelting rain, with small children, to try and get under cover - by people with an umbrella.

Very strange.

HamishBamish · 20/04/2015 08:33

YANBU. You can't stop a runner!

What does irritate me though is when I see people I know out running and they say 'sorry, can't stop!', like I'm desperate to talk to them or something. 9 times out of 10 I'm busy too and can't stop either, although I'm not running at the time.