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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH thinks I wbu, do you agree? People interrupting me whilst out running...

310 replies

Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 14:05

I know I am being a bit precious but here goes…

I live in an area which has a fair few tourists, this morning I was out for a run. There is one spot in the middle of the route where I have to run up a hill, I choose it purposely as it is v challenging to do.

I was running up the hill, just looking straight ahead and trying to focus and get up there. Then a couple approached me from the side & tried to ask me the way to somewhere (I think) but I just blanked them as I didn't want to stop and couldn't talk while running, not even to say 'Sorry can't stop'.

I did feel rude but then I thought, why ask a runner for directions when there are plenty of other people to ask? It was not an isolated spot, there were literally dozens of other people walking up & down the street. They did not look distressed, if I had thought there was any kind of emergency I would have stopped & helped….but I heard them giggling in amazement at my rudeness after I blanked them & ran past.

This has happened once before & I did the same thing. I told DH about it and he said they probably asked me because they assumed I was local. He thought I was rude and should have stopped, I said they should have known better than to try to interrupt a runner for a non-emergency. We had a bit of an argument about it & I said that they would never have done it if I had been a man, as they would have then assumed I was a 'serious athlete'.

WIBU? This is a genuine question.

OP posts:
Teawaster · 19/04/2015 17:21

I am a runner and I have been asked directions lots of times. I don't mind at all but I am not into timing myself and a few seconds here or there is neither here nor there. However, unless I was in s lonely area looking for directions and there was nobody else around, I wouldn't stop a runner

Runningupthathill82 · 19/04/2015 17:44

YANBU OP. I don't like stopping when I'm running, and woe betide anyone who stops me when I'm about to win a Strava segment.

To respond to a few points from the thread:

  1. I'm also a keen walker, and running is completely different. When I'm running I'm thinking about my stride, my turnover of steps, if I'm heel striking or not, how fast I'm going, if I'm on pace, etc. I'm concentrating hard and working hard. Stopping completely throws me out. But if I'm walking, even if I'm exercising and working relatively hard, stopping isn't going to have an effect on my workout at all.

  2. No, not all run trackers have an auto pause function that works. Strava has one in theory but in practice it doesn't work on my phone. If I stop then my stats for the whole run are lost. If that sounds a bit precious I don't care - running is my thing, the one time of the day I get to myself, the one interest that I have really invested in. I love it, I take it seriously, and as I have to eke out training time in between work/marking/caring for DS/everything else, each and every training session has to count.

So please don't stop runners! Yes, some might be ambling along and happy to stop, but others might be like me, and throwing everything into the only 40-min slot they've got to themselves that day.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 18:00

When I run I go into a little world of my own. It is as though my body goes into autopilot and then my mind zones out, it is like meditation. It is my 'me' time, I don't have a great deal of that.

So for this reason I really really hate being interrupted… for non runners, say it is like being interrupted whilst engrossed in a good book/movie/doing yoga etc, at the time it feels like a huge intrusion.

But as stated I would always stop if anyone genuinely seems to need help &/or there is nobody else to ask.

I choose a route that doesn't interfere with traffic so I am not forced to stop, but not so remote that I don't feel safe. BTW I didn't know that there was anything odd about running in streets that are busy with other people around?? That is the first I heard of that. I go out of my way not to get in other people's way when out running…the most I inconvenience them is to occasionally say 'excuse me' to get past a group of people who are blocking the pavement. Mostly, if I can/if it is safe I will step into the road and run there rather than expecting people to make way for me.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 19/04/2015 18:16

I've heard of The Zone OP but I don't understand it.

DH talks about how a run clears his mind.

For me it's different. I'm consumed by the thought: 'When is this torture going to end?'

Hobbitfeet32 · 19/04/2015 18:28

I am a runner and would have stopped. Your training will not suffer if you have to pause for a few seconds. I enjoy fell running, generally fell runners are a much friendlier group of runners and will be happy to stop and help with directions, take a photo of a nice view etc. But then part of the reason I run is to enjoy myself in the fresh air. It's not always about times and pace. Agree with the other posters that the people who stopped you probably thought you would know your way around.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 19/04/2015 18:31

YANBu
Not rude. They just dont get it.Your DH is wrong. Does he run?

SlaggyIsland · 19/04/2015 18:38

YANBU. You were not being rude, and frankly, they were rude to have bothered you.

MrsRossPoldark · 19/04/2015 18:51

If I'm running hard or for a real purpose I don't stop, don't even respond! If that's rude, the so be it.

If I'm on a leisurely jog I don't mind stopping. I really wouldn't let it bother you.

They will have had someone else they could ask so YANBU

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 19:06

Thanks all

Runningupthathill - X posted, you made many important points in particular the fact that time spent running is valued time to invest in oneself, and often has to be carved out of a busy day

I look much the same as this limited when running uphill….and it is much like torture during the uphill part! The only good thing is that is quickly over and I do feel wonderful afterwards, de-stressed and clear headed, so agree with your DH on that. I positively enjoy the less strenuous parts of the run.

No my DH doesn't run though he goes to the gym.

I don't run so much to enjoy being outdoors or the scenery Hobbitfeet (not much of that where I am, mostly an urban area) but for the physical training and to de-stress and clear my head. I suppose different people value different things when running. As described I really enjoy going into the 'zone' where I am focused just on the running process, to the exclusion of everything else. That is the pleasure of it for me. Any interruption is seriously unwelcome.

OP posts:
carabos · 19/04/2015 19:36

YANBU. Completely agree with runningupthathill. I'm 12 weeks out from my first 10k in many years and went out today with aim of runnning the distance as fast I comfortably could maintain the rhythm. I was concentrating hard on this, had my music on and got in the zone.

I ran alongside the river, popular with dog walkers. Every single one of them thought it necessary to greet me in some way and one girl even deliberately jumped in front of me Hmm. Why on earth can't people just leave other folks alone?

gonetrekking · 19/04/2015 19:38

It wouldn't be seconds though if you were giving directions would it.

I'm a runner and an avid walker and there is a world of difference between the two. I would happily stop if I was walking but if I'm running I am always chasing a time, my Garmin is always ticking and yes if I'm training for something I would be really irritated if someone stopped me to ask for directions esp if there were other people in the vicinity who were able to help at less inconvenience to themselves.

Totally different in an emergency or even if someone was vaguely distressed.

AliceLidl · 19/04/2015 19:57

YANBU.

I'd assume you have to warm up and warm down etc, so stopping abruptly would spoil that for you, I wouldn't want to get in your way, collide with you, cause you an injury, or spoil your training time.

I'd imagine that once you are in the rhythm of running uphill it would be hard to stop and hard to get going again.

If there were other people about to ask, I'd rather ask any one of them than someone running.

Was there not a thread on here recently about a charity collector leaping in front of somebody running and knocking them over?

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 20:00

Oh other people's dogs are a whole different subject carabos. I detest being barked/growled at/chased by dogs and the owners doing nothing about it. the little dogs seem to be the worst…my theory is that (in general only, not always) the owners of larger dogs may be more experienced/confident dog owners.

I do try to be considerate, if I see people with dogs or children playing I will go out of my way to avoid them by crossing the road etc. I just want to run on autopilot and to be left alone by everyone for those few minutes of the day.

At any other time I am happy to help people out, am often the first to volunteer. I am usually the person who offers a seat to a pregnant woman on a train/helps someone lift a buggy up steps etc. But not when I am running unless an emergency/necessary.

I agree gonetrekking that it is likely to take longer than a few seconds to stop and give directions…could take quite a few minutes to explain a complex route.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 19/04/2015 20:06

This is a revelation to me.

I've started running. I didn't realise it entitled me to be rude to people, if they wanted to ask me something. Well, now I know.

alleypalley · 19/04/2015 20:31

YANBU. I'm amazed at the number of people who think you were rude. To not let yourself be interrupted while doing something is not rude, it's not like you barged them out the way or told them to fuck off. In fact don't we all teach our children it's rude to interrupt others?

It's not actually easy to stop quickly, when running. I would definitely not stop if I was half way up a hill, and if I did I wouldnt have the breath anyway to speak enough to give directions. So it would take a minute anyway to get my breath back, then actually give the directions, then to try and get my pace up again. It would be a big pita.

I'm plenty helpful in lots of other situations, but I wouldn't have stopped in this case either.

ChickenMe · 19/04/2015 20:44

Yanbu. No fricking common sense some people. And you weren't rude, just factual. F off would be rude.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 19/04/2015 20:48

I don't think it's rude not to stop either. I would never interrupt a runner unless there was no one else around, on the basis that I would hate to talk to a stranger if I were all red and sweaty and gasping for breath, so I'd assume they would feel the same way.

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 19/04/2015 21:03

YABU. I'm a long time runner. I was stopped just today by someone asking directions from a car. I stopped and told them the directions. I was just on a general run, so wasn't bothered. I was once stopped while doing a tempo run, so shouted 'turn left at the end of the road' over my shoulder while carrying on, as I didn't want to stop. It would not even occur to me to completely ignore someone who needed assistance though! It is irritating to be interrupted but hey, it's once in a blue moon and that's just life!

AWimbaWay · 19/04/2015 21:09

YABU, unless you were running to save somebody's life does it really matter if you have to slow down for five seconds to puff out a 'sorry can't stop'. But then I once innocently referred to it as 'jogging' to a rather obsessive friend, that did not go down well Hmm.

BishopBrennansArse · 19/04/2015 21:11

fartleks
snort
is immature

fredfredgeorgejnr · 19/04/2015 21:26

The only remotely rude thing was not coughing out a "sorry", if it was busy enough there were others to ask. And that's a pretty minor thing really. And the assumption that they wouldn't've done it to a male runner, when I'm pretty sure they would, but that's just a thought and you can be as rude as you want really in your thoughts.

Livingtothefull The odd in doing it is because you have to spend so much mental effort and disruption to your run dodging people and saying excuse me, that you aren't getting the de-stress, physical education etc. Not that you're being unreasonable to the others as long as you don't actually crash into them.

Coffee1234 · 19/04/2015 21:28

You were running up a hill and some someone tried to ask you questions??

YANBU

slithytove · 19/04/2015 21:29

Yanbu

gonetrekking · 19/04/2015 21:45

AWimbaWay us runners don't need to be obsessive to dislike being called joggers you know. Some of us (not me) can run really quite fast when we get going.

ProvisionallyAnxious · 19/04/2015 21:45

...the owners of larger dogs may be more experienced/confident dog owners.

Dammit, that may be right. I'd always assumed it was just that big dogs were more chilled out (less of a Napoleon complex IYSWIM), which is why as a dog-shy person I've always told my pro-dog DH that we are getting a big big dog when we do get one...

I don't think YWBU at all. I don't know if this makes sense but I think the default ought to be that people have a right to their own personal space / 'mental privacy' when out in public - as in, if someone chooses to break into your personal space when you're out not bothering anyone, then that's their lookout. Obviously you shouldn't be actively abusive to some harmless stranger asking for directions, but the people asking for directions had absolutely no claims on you - not even to a "sorry". A "sorry" would have been polite, but I don't think saying nothing was actively rude, because you didn't invite the interaction.

I also don't think YWBU r.e. the male/female angle - it possibly wasn't what was consciously going on in this case, but I think that in general women's 'personal space in public' is invaded more often than men's (whether that be by people asking for directions or by catcalling).

I hope no-one ever asks me for directions when running (hasn't happened yet but I live pretty rurally), I have genuine issues with left and right and would certainly get them mixed up when under pressure and out of breath. Grin