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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH thinks I wbu, do you agree? People interrupting me whilst out running...

310 replies

Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 14:05

I know I am being a bit precious but here goes…

I live in an area which has a fair few tourists, this morning I was out for a run. There is one spot in the middle of the route where I have to run up a hill, I choose it purposely as it is v challenging to do.

I was running up the hill, just looking straight ahead and trying to focus and get up there. Then a couple approached me from the side & tried to ask me the way to somewhere (I think) but I just blanked them as I didn't want to stop and couldn't talk while running, not even to say 'Sorry can't stop'.

I did feel rude but then I thought, why ask a runner for directions when there are plenty of other people to ask? It was not an isolated spot, there were literally dozens of other people walking up & down the street. They did not look distressed, if I had thought there was any kind of emergency I would have stopped & helped….but I heard them giggling in amazement at my rudeness after I blanked them & ran past.

This has happened once before & I did the same thing. I told DH about it and he said they probably asked me because they assumed I was local. He thought I was rude and should have stopped, I said they should have known better than to try to interrupt a runner for a non-emergency. We had a bit of an argument about it & I said that they would never have done it if I had been a man, as they would have then assumed I was a 'serious athlete'.

WIBU? This is a genuine question.

OP posts:
NotallTravellersarebad · 19/04/2015 15:48

Ran on the spot, thus....

muminhants · 19/04/2015 15:51

As a runner I would say you were not unreasonable! It depends, if I am running for a time, I wouldn't stop, if I were out for an amble I might do. I've been asked for directions once, and stopped and ran on the spot for a few seconds, but I was near the leisure centre, so suggested they went in there to ask for directions from someone who was not out of breath :)

As for stopping for a car, well of course the Highway Code does say that car should give way to pedestrians crossing a side-road (which includes runners, not just those walking). However, I usually run up said side-road until car has got past (please hurry up) and then cross and run back down other side. If I am crossing a busy main road when of course I have to stop.

However, a message to runners! You are not cyclists! If you are on a road, and a car comes GET ON THE PAVEMENT. If there isn't a pavement, that's one thing. But if there is, and a car comes, use it. You are not a vehicle of any description. It might be better for your joints to use the road but it is not better for your joints to be hit by a car.

Goldendandelion · 19/04/2015 15:52

YANBU I hate stopping when I'm running. My legs turn to jelly and I really struggle to get going again.

flanjabelle · 19/04/2015 15:55

My school pe teacher: "if you can talk you are not pushing yourself hard enough". Yanbu op.

I have such respect for people out running as I am definitely not a runner, I basically dive out of their way when on the pavement. I have been known to slow right down in the car so a runner can cross the road without breaking their stride.

I also have to resist the urge to cheer them on as I think they might not think I'm being genuine.. but I would really mean it!

Blueskybrightstar · 19/04/2015 15:56

Flanjabelle that's so nice you want to cheer everyone on!

DinosaursStillEggsist · 19/04/2015 15:56

yanbu. I'd hate to be stopped like that on an uphill. Though maybe you could improvise with some sort of gesture that implies you can't stop (probably not centred around your middle finger though Grin)

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 15:58

To answer a couple of points:

I don't think I am a very fast runner, no….I have no illusions about that. I wasn't going particularly fast as I was pacing myself running up a steep hill. But as I say I believe I would have appeared concentrated and focused.

I was working too hard to even gasp out a 'sorry can't stop'.

I suppose I could have stopped and jogged on the spot whilst talking to them….but would have felt a little silly doing that. Unless their question was really straightforward it would probably have taken quite a few minutes to explain directions to them….so several minutes of bobbing up and down on the spot feeling silly. Maybe IWBU to feel embarrassed about it but that's me.

That is an interesting point from uglyswan & that these incidents do happen to men too. I do think that women are considered to be more approachable and less intimidating than men and are treated by some as public property in a way that men aren't. It is true that I am frequently heckled and jeered at when out running; it actually happened again today, later during the same run, heard a group of lads shouting and sniggering 'keep running, run faster!' - and that is by no means the worst incident of this kind but it is all very annoying. So I suppose as a result I am automatically on my guard when approached.

I am guessing that they would be warier about harassing a man like this, but I may well be wrong.

As a matter of fact, would any man in my situation be so concerned about seeming to be rude? (another genuine question). I think that it is more of an expectation of women that they should be agreeable and polite at all times.

OP posts:
Blueskybrightstar · 19/04/2015 16:03

Livingtothefull, to answer your last question, most men in your position wouldn't have given a shit or have given this a second thought, which is the best way to be. I'd blatantly not have given a shit (but then most people tell me I think like a man, whatever that means!). Women are often much too apologist.

LotusLight · 19/04/2015 16:09

I would just point to my watch, shake my head and run on. It's fine. They should not be stopping you.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 16:10

Thank you Bluesky, I think that it says quite a lot that of the two incidents during the run today, I focused on this one rather than the heckling I got. That is so ubiquitous - I am so used to receiving this kind of harassment and disrespect - that it didn't even register. Instead here I am worrying that a few strangers thought I was rude!

OP posts:
laughingcow13 · 19/04/2015 16:10

I guess they thought a runner was less likely to be a tourist.I can understand you not wanting to stop and I think they were a bit selfish to approach you but you could have said 'sorry'.You do sound a bit precious about your running tbh.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 16:14

Thank you LotusLight, I think I will use that strategy & potentially also earphones with no music - maybe hecklers won't bother either if they think I can't hear them!

The T-shirt ideas are hilarious, would love to go for these but might just invite confrontation and/or piss taking! I don't want any of that, I just want to go for my runs and (bar any emergencies) just be left alone to get on with them!

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 19/04/2015 16:16

If you want to ask a favour of a stranger, like directions, then politeness suggests you choose someone who wouldn't be significantly inconvenienced. Most runners or cyclists would find the flow of their exercise disrupted; someone walking or washing the car, probably not.

People are readier to inconvenience a woman whose time is less important who is less likely to be agressive if irritated.

BigChocFrenzy · 19/04/2015 16:18

You didn't hear them. Sidestep and ignore

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 16:19

Yes laughingcow, I admitted I was precious at the beginning but I do like running and I do take it seriously.

I will try to gasp out 'sorry' or failing that acknowledge with some kind of gesture in future….not sure though if this is massively less rude than just pretending I haven't seen them. I am still choosing not to stop and help them.

OP posts:
AlecTrevelyan006 · 19/04/2015 16:24

male runner here

this has happened to me lots of times over the years - if I'm out for a steady run then normally I will be polite and oblige (even though inwardly I'll be a little annoyed). If I'm doing a more 'focused' workout I'll either ignore them or just mutter some kind of excuse. I once told someone who asked for directions that I didn't know the place they were asking about even though I did, because I knew it would takes ages to explain.

Just the other week a police car pulled alongside me when I was running down some country lanes and started asking me random questions - I think they were expecting me to stop but I just kept running and replied through their open window. After about a mile they drove off.

Also a couple of weeks ago a woman in a car beckoned me over and asked if I knew where such and such playing field was - she looked a little flustered and had two young boys in football kit sitting in the back seat. Fortunately I knew where she was trying to get to and put her back on the right track as she was going in completely the wrong direction.

burgatroyd · 19/04/2015 16:24

YANBU.

I stopped a runner once to ask for directions. He told me off and I never did it again. I never thought about it before! To be fair I was 13.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 19/04/2015 16:32

couple of other random things

I stayed with some friends in the New Forest a few years and went out for a run about 8am on the Sunday morning. Didn't really know where I was... running along a fairly remote spot I went past a cottage and by the gate there was an old lady stood. She called me over and and I noticed she had a jar of coffee in her hand. She then asked me if I could open it for her. Bit odd, but hey ho. I managed to open it and gave it back. She said thanks and went back inside and I continued on my run.

I wonder how often she stood outside her house in the middle of nowhere waiting for someone to come past to help her with some random chore.

...

I also once witnessed a car accident while out running and went over to the scene and helped pull the driver out of the upturned vehicle. I then ran to a nearby house, knocked on the door and asked to use the phone to call police and ambulance (pre mobile phone day). Woman who answered the door seemed pretty relaxed about it and let me in to use the phone - which thinking back seems amazing considering she had no idea who I was and I was sweating a lot and only wearing a shorts and a vest (it was a very hot summer evening!)

anyway...

steppemum · 19/04/2015 16:36

I think you were rude not to acknowledge them, a puffed sorry as you sail past is actually quite a good explanation of why you can't stop.

If you aren't a runner, you wouldn't understand why it is hard to stop.

As to the male/female thing, I don't think this is anything to do with 'serious athlete' and all to do with people finding women safer to approach than a man. I teach my kids to look for a mum with kids as best person to approach.

whatlifestylechoice · 19/04/2015 16:37

I am actually a little bemused by the interrupters. Would you also stop someone who was on the phone, or a couple having an argument, or as a Pp said, a busker in mid-song or someone in the middle of a game of football?

Are you the same people who just shout where you want to go out of your car to me and expect me to stop and respond politely? Or one of the people who stop me and then wander off without as much as a thanks when I'm mid-sentence because my accent indicates I'm not a local? Grin

Politeness goes both ways in my book, and interrupting someone who is obviously busy doing something else, especially when there's other people around to ask, is in itself quite rude imo.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 19/04/2015 16:42

YABU for the "if I was a male" comment, I think a lot of people choose runners as it's likely they're local or have at least looked at a map recently. I generally only run fast as I rarely run far and regularly get stopped to ask for directions etc.

I would've stopped, but I don't think it's bad that you didn't, as long as it was as busy as you say - although it seems odd to choose a busy route for your run? You should've gasped out a sorry though.

mousmous · 19/04/2015 16:45

I don't think yabu for the 'if I were male' comment.

TwoOddSocks · 19/04/2015 16:53

I wouldn't stop a runner, often they're timing themselves or completely out of breath. It's also harder to build up momentum again once you've stopped. I don't see how you were rude and you didn't leave them stranded with no one else to ask. I also vaguely agree that people tend to think men are more likely to be training for something and women just trying to lose abit of weight. (I had several comments to that effect when I was at the gym) but we can't know whether that was the case for these particular people.

GatoradeMeBitch · 19/04/2015 16:58

Neither do I mousmous.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 19/04/2015 17:03

Thanks Alec for your perspective on this, appreciate these incidents can happen to male runners too. TBH I would have probably also stopped and helped too in most of the incidents you described…I would always stop if there was nobody else around or there was an emergency/the person seemed distressed etc.

You mentioned one of the incidents (elderly lady with coffee jar) that there was nobody else around but you for her to ask. Was this the case for other incidents, or were you asked for help instead of any other people around at the time?

I appreciate your point steppemum that a 'sorry' provides an explanation of why I can't stop & I shouldn't assume that everyone should understand that it is hard for a runner to stop. As stated it was a particularly intense run & I didn't want to stop/interrupt for any reason, and didn't have any breath even to gasp out 'sorry' - will have to perfect a gesture for this kind of scenario in future!

OP posts: