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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery staff perfume

125 replies

BananaLeaf · 18/04/2015 08:21

15mo Dd has just started nursery, one of the staff wears a perfume that really lingers in DDs hair and clothes. I am not a fan of strong scents as they give me a headache, and I find it disconcerting that she comes home with this strong scent on her. She does not smell like my DD!
WIBU to mention this to the manager?

OP posts:

Stitchintime1 · 18/04/2015 21:43

If you send a letter in or speak to someone, you will be that parent. You know. That ridiculous parent. The parent whose demands cause eye rolling. The staff will dine out on stories about you. And yes, yes, unprofessional yada yada, but what do you expect?

NeedABumChange · 18/04/2015 21:49

YANBU. If someone is wearing so much perfume that it is infusing into your DDs clothes then it's too much. Perfume should be smelt by people you are very close to, it shouldn't be so heavy that people can smell it when walking near you. Unfortunately lots of people seem to think the more the better.

There is no reason and it is actually quite cruel as the babies and toddlers have no escape from the fumes as they are trapped with the smelly perfumed people all day. Some scents can trigger awful headaches not to mention asthma.

RusticBlush · 18/04/2015 21:49

MrsKravitz a suggestion box does not entail personal complaints against the way someone smells.
I honestly can't get over the fact that some smells are so debilitating to some of you that it effects your everyday life - yous must not be able to go anywhere or interact with the public at all

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 18/04/2015 21:58

It's only when it's really strong and for prolonged periods it's a problem for me, if I walk past someone in the street with a really heavy perfume on I'll notice it but it's only momentary and it's not a problem. If I was on a train or bus I'd move. It's if you are trapped with it, for example in a car or theatre that it becomes a problem. It was definitely at it's worst in the 80s with Poison, Giorgio Beverly Hills etc.

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 18/04/2015 22:01

YANBU - it's just so unnecessary. My DC weren't in childcare at that age but it pissed me off big time when I had a houseful of people over to visit one of them when they were newborns, and when I got him/her back at the end of the day there were half a dozen different perfumes wafting off him/her.

Smelling second-hand perfume on anyone else is just a bit scuzzy tbh. I don't like having someone else's perfume on me hours later if I've been hugging them. Yick.

Mmmicecream · 18/04/2015 22:55

This bothered me when DS started nursery as well. But, as I got more used to the idea of him being in nursery, I ceased to mind as in retrospect me being bothered was more about my complex feelings about having to leave him in nursery at all (and the smell being a reminder someone else was cuddling him when I wasn't) rather than the smell per se.

parsnipbob · 19/04/2015 00:15

Good god. PFB. Yes YABU.

MummyBtothree · 19/04/2015 04:48

You have to be professional and dress for the occasion. Excessive make-up etc is completely un-necessary and strong perfumes etc are not allowed as in most caring/medical settings as they can indeed taint other things and people. It could also affect a child who has asthma etc or induce an epileptic fit or migraine. They could even be allerhic to perfume. I bet shes a smoker.

musicalendorphins2 · 19/04/2015 06:10

I would bring it up and explain you don't want your child coming home smelling of fragrance, as you feel unwell from it.

ApocalypseThen · 19/04/2015 07:13

explain that the strong scent your child is coming home with triggers a headache

Which is, according to the OP, untrue. She just doesn't like her daughter smelling of unfamiliar smells. Lying to force another adult to change what is pretty normal and legal behaviour is pretty poor.

WanderingTrolley1 · 19/04/2015 07:22

Yanbu.

insancerre · 19/04/2015 07:46

I expect the perfumw is to cover up the smell of cigarette smoke
Ask to see their smoking policy
Speak to the manager and ask if the excessive perfume is to cover up the cigarette smoke
Tell the manager you are concerned about the health effects on your baby of second hand cigarette smoke and chemicals in perfume
I am a nursery manager and I would take your complaint seriously.
If it bothers a parent enough for them to raise it with me, then it needs addressing
I would be more than happy to introduce a perfume ban if I had valid reasons to do so. We already have a strict dress code that includes no false nails, or nail varnish, no visible tattoos and no unnatural hair colours.
I don't have any smokers but we have a policy that states they are not permitted to smoke while wearing uniform and they have to do it at some distance from the nursery so they can't be seen from the nursery

parsnipbob · 19/04/2015 07:49

insancerre no 'unnatural' hair colours?? You sound like a right barrel of laughs.

Stitchintime1 · 19/04/2015 07:53

Why does wearing perfume indicate she is a smoker. Maybe she just likes perfume. Weirder and weirder.

phoenixrose314 · 19/04/2015 08:09

I am a nursery teacher, and before I went in to the post (I was originally a year 3-4 teacher) I read that some children can be very unsettled by unfamiliar scents, especially if having not been away from mum before, so I always made a point of not wearing my perfume at school, just having a shower and being fresh and clean at the beginning of the day. Funnily enough, I am always being told by my 3 year olds that I smell nice.

But I don't know about the approaches of others... everyone is different. I understand you don't like her smelling differently, it's hard being separated from your baby and the scent thing is comforting. People are being very harsh about it - it's normal to feel that way but I do think you would be unreasonable to say anything about it - pretty sure there's not a policy about perfumes.

insancerre · 19/04/2015 08:20

Parsnipbob
I've checked my job description and no, barrel of laughs is not listed

parsnipbob · 19/04/2015 08:23

My neice's nursery teacher has bright pink hair and tats. We think she is the bee's knees. Seriously, if someone is doing a good job taking care of your children, why on earth would give two shits what colour their hair is?

insancerre · 19/04/2015 08:29

I personally don't care about anyone's hair colour
My own brother has s bright pi k mohican
But its company policy and as manager I have to enforce it
Its what the directors have decided

parsnipbob · 19/04/2015 08:31

Insancerre that's a shame as I think it's very narrow minded. Not your fault though.

BeaufortBelle · 19/04/2015 08:34

But the strength of a scent is subjective and what one finds overpowering another might barely smell at all. On that basis I think it's tricky and if it doesn't seem to be affecting the baby then I think I'd steer clear.

If my baby was coming home with a whiff of sick, or unhappy, or grizzly, or nappy rash was appearing, or too many bumps then I might have a word with the nursery manager to resolve any issues. If my baby was coming home happy and well cared for but smelling (faintly, a bit, profusely - because it's entirely subjective) of her key worker's perfume I think I'd move on.

The best you can probably do is compliment the key worker on her perfume and ask what she uses. Then at an appropriate time buy her a perfume that you really really like and say something like "my cousin had this on when she looked after my baby and the children all seemed so calm and my baby smelt just delicious when she got home". And then hope.

schoolclosed · 19/04/2015 08:38

My DD2's beloved keyworker wears perfume. We arrived the other day and DD2 announced "Maria's here!" and I asked how she knew: "I can smell her here!" I couldn't detect the scent, but when we got into the room, Maria was just starting work. DD2 has been with Maria for nearly two years and obviously knows her perfume. And, yes, she does sometimes come home smelling of perfume. I used to hate it with DD1, I dislike perfume in general, I never wear it - but I did like DD2 recognising Maria by her smell!

Btw, even in the absence of perfume, your DD will smell of nursery. Probably a mix of vegetables, play doh and floor polish!

drspouse · 19/04/2015 08:43

You should try a childminder - they come home smelling of the whole cm's house, perfume and washing powder and sometimes different bath products if they've got filthy
Our CM is Indian and they smell of her lovely cooking and the incense she uses in the home. Makes me starving when I pick them up and they've had their tea and mine is ages away!

Binxboosandme · 19/04/2015 08:43

I'm a nursery nurse and while I don't wear heavy perfumes to work (mostly because I can't afford to and save it for nights out etc) I do often spritz myself with body spray in my break/before starting work. I walk to work, and this can take an hour of power walking on some shifts as I drop my daughter to school. Then at work we don't stop all day: tidying, dancing, running and playing with the children outside etc. It's a very very active job. Plus we are in close proximity to lots of different smells all day long! Many times I've cuddled an upset child when they've been sick for example. Or been responsible for a nappy round when a bug has spread through the setting. These smells are bound to rub off, even with a change of clothes/apron and gloves. And don't get me started on the joys of fish day on the menu! Where everything always seems to get messier than usual! Or that one time when I thought the children would enjoy a mackerel dip for snack they didn't!
I actually appreciate where you're coming from op. And the chemicals/reactions discussion is food for thought. But there are much worse things your child could come home smelling of. And I don't really want to spend my day/go home/rush to pick my child up from school smelling of them either.

insancerre · 19/04/2015 08:47

Stitchintime
Yes, maybe she does just like wearing perfume but iny experience of working in nurseries for over twenty years, the staff that wear lots of perfume are covering up the smell of cigarette smoke
Lots of children arrive at nursery smelling of their parent's perfume or aftershave but it normally wears off after a while
The fact that ops dd is going home smelling of perfume suggests to me that the practitioner is reapplying it during the day. And the most logical explanation is that she smokes on her breaks.
Its not that weird

LynetteScavo · 19/04/2015 09:02

I think this us a tough one....yanu not to like it. We all want our babies to smell like they're ours, it's natural.

And in my opinion if you are caring for other people babies you shouldn't wear strong perfume. Unified it used to upset DS1 when he was a baby and I later realised he if very sensitive to smells.

But how people smell is always a sensitive issue....I would say bring it up with the nursery if you are brave enough and you feel strongly enough.

I think it would be good for nursery to have feedback from parents letting them know how you feel about this issue, rather than you demanding one or all of the staff doesn't wear a perfume you don't like.

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