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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery staff perfume

125 replies

BananaLeaf · 18/04/2015 08:21

15mo Dd has just started nursery, one of the staff wears a perfume that really lingers in DDs hair and clothes. I am not a fan of strong scents as they give me a headache, and I find it disconcerting that she comes home with this strong scent on her. She does not smell like my DD!
WIBU to mention this to the manager?

OP posts:

HeyDuggee · 18/04/2015 08:51

My DH puts on cologne in the morning. He doesn't drench himself in it and I don't even register it when we kiss goodbye. He also kisses our kids on tops of their heads. I can smell his cologne in their hair for a couple of hours after he's left.

So I don't agree anyone is "drenching" themselves in perfume. You would have smelled it yourself when you walked into the space.

The worker is probably kissing the top of her head and giving a cuddle at the same time - and as most spray perfume in the neck/chest area, that's why it smells so strong.

Agree about childminders - mine come back (again I smell it strongest when kissing top of their heads) with an odd combo of house smells that I can never quite pinpoint.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/04/2015 08:53

Of course YABU but as others have said, I'd love you to go and tell them.

Especially that your main concern is not actually for Junior, but for yourself.

And how can you dictate what is a light perfume? A woman in my office wore that bloody horrendous Lancôme Tresor vomitinducing vile stuff, but you can't say anything without looking a bossy fool yourself.

The nursery I walk past to get to work has tattooed 18 yr olds having a fag so yours tbh sounds quite naice.

TheMustard · 18/04/2015 08:53

I'm a teacher, albeit at secondary, and always wear perfume to work. It would never occur to me not to, since it is a choice I make while getting ready in the mornings. Are you really suggesting that we should dictate to nursery workers what they are and are not allowed to wear whilst they care for our precious darlings? Wow. The only way I can think of where I might accept this is if a child in one of my classes had a severe sensory issue. Otherwise, they'd have to get over it, and learn that living amongst others means putting up with their "scents", unpleasant or otherwise.

And I have a class full of year 10 boys post-PE lesson on a warm afternoon to contend with!

mom2twoteens · 18/04/2015 08:56

Don't know about the 'dirty' smoking 18 years (charming)

Maybe it's because she spends her days surrounded by and dealing with poo and wee.
Just a thought.

Try and think of it like wigglesrock and others have said, maybe it means she's being cared for and cuddled.

If it really bothers you mention it, but if I was the staff member I'd be likely to be a bit miffed about having to change something I do personally for one person who's affected by my perfume for a short amount of time at the end of the day.
Sorry, she's a person too.

mangoespadrille · 18/04/2015 08:58

I second PPs idea that she might be a smoker. I'm a teacher and my smoking colleagues use perfume and gum after going off site for their lunchtime fag. Personally I'd prefer this to someone stinking of smoke near DC.

AnnaFiveTowns · 18/04/2015 09:00

Yes, I am saying that we should dictate to nursery workers what they can and can't wear. In much the same way that we dictate to all workers what is appropriate or not for their job.

As you are a secondary teacher, you are unlikely to be cuddling babies/children at work, so it doesn't matter as much if you wear perfume. As a nursery worker, you ought to do your utmost to ensure that small children, who may or may not have asthma or an allergy to perfume, are protected from your chemicals.

AnnaFiveTowns · 18/04/2015 09:02

But if you try to cover smoke with perfume you are simply exposing the child to two lots of chemicals instead of one

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 18/04/2015 09:04

Maybe nursery worker thinks your child is a bit whiffy so sprays them with perfum before can give them cuddles

mangoespadrille · 18/04/2015 09:17

Anna that's true but smokers often don't realise this. IME they massively underestimate the amount smoke clings and how the chemicals stay on your breath. The nursery worker might think that by covering it up its "gone".

Or she might not even be a smoker, I'm just speculating. Either way OP needs to have a word.

Off topic I know, but what are the rules regarding nursery workers smoking anyway?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 18/04/2015 09:18

Anyone who wears strong perfume when they will be spending prolonged periodd of time in close contact with others, eg nursery, cinema, sharing an office, is being inconsiderate IMO, they give me headaches and nausea too. Not sure whether I'd say anything in this case though, it's a tricky one. All their colleagues might be desperately hoping someone would complain so they can be relieved of it too.

wheresthelight · 18/04/2015 09:38

as a chronic asthmatic who has perfume as a trigger I have to say yanbu to mention it PROVIDED there is more of a reason than "baby doesn't smell like mine because of X's perfume" because I am sorry but that does just sound utterly ridiculous and nit picky.

perfume is an exceptionally personal choice and to some people can smell incredibly strong where as to someone else the same scent may smell quite mild.

have a really good think about why it really bothers you so much and then make a decision but as I say you need more of a reason than you state in your op

EastMidsMummy · 18/04/2015 09:46

YABU and entitled. What gives you the right to complain about someone else's choice of perfume? I truly cannot believe how intolerant some people act on here when the world doesn't run exactly as they'd like. Incredible!

qazxc · 18/04/2015 09:52

I have to admit that I don't like it when dd comes out of creche smelling of perfume, because she doesn't smel like dd. But I wouldn't dream of complaining about it.

Original poster

BananaLeaf · 18/04/2015 09:58

I take the point re the concern being for myself rather than Junior. I can't know whether DD likes it or not.

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 18/04/2015 09:58

The colleague I share an office with has one of those air fresheners that puffs out fragrance when you're near it.

We're still on the Christmas one and I come home smelling of cranberries and crackling fires

SolasEile · 18/04/2015 10:02

If you say anything you will come across badly but YANBU. I hate strong perfume and almost never wear it myself so it does annoy me if we have a babysitter or temp nanny who turns up drenched in perfume.

It used to annoy me at work too when people wore overpowering perfumes in the office. I feel like it's an invasion of my personal space. So if you're sensitive to strong smells I can see why your situation would be annoying, OP. I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would drench themselves in perfume for a day spent running around after toddlers or caring for a baby.

ChickenSoupChef · 18/04/2015 10:14

There are plenty of jobs that people have that do dictate things like this, yanbu! It's not healthy and she can wear her perfume after work if she wishes! I couldn't wear perfume or heavy scents working in catering I also worked in an office where we weren't allowed to wear prints so it's no big deal. Perfume is full of chemicals and it is recommended you avoid wearing around small children

ScathingContempt · 18/04/2015 10:18

Yanbu to feel like this. Smell is an important part of bonding. One of my favourite smells is that of my baby's head. When I had her, one of the midwives had really strong perfume and I cried when she smelled of that, rather than new baby smell.

However, I think you'd be unreasonable to ask them not to wear perfume unless it was for a medical reason such as allergies. She'd probably come home smelling of someone else's fabric conditioner or shampoo instead anyway.

Stitchintime1 · 18/04/2015 10:19

You cannot be serious!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/04/2015 10:24

Once again like what usual happens with me on these sorts of threads I'm torn. Or some would say I can see both sides.
To side with you. I do get your point perfume esp if too much is applied can be irritating and as others have said. What if a child/staff member in the nursery has asthma. They can't hVe though or I'd imagine she'd have been spoken to.
Now onto her point. It comes to something when pArents are dictating what perfume people wear.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/04/2015 10:43

mom2- show me where I said 'dirty'.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/04/2015 10:46

OP, think of it like this....scent is the strongest memory inducer....so, if your dd is happy at nursery, even subconsciously in future, she'll smell that same perfume on someone and it will remind her of her happy time at nursery.

Inkspellme · 18/04/2015 10:51

I work in a nursery and don't wear perfume to work for this reason. however that is my personal choice and not a rule.

we did have a parent request no perfume on staff and it didn't go down well. I would add that it was requested by a parent who had a reputation for a lot of requests ( she wanted us to bounce on a large bouncy ball as her baby enjoyed it and also could we carry baby around in a sling whilst we looked after other babies). The bouncy ball and sling are perfectly reasonable at home but not for a nursery setting.

to the poster who suggested that childcare workers wore perfume as they were surrounded by wee and poo. really? thats your perception of nursery life? doesn't sound like any place I've worked in....

ThisIsTheJamHot · 18/04/2015 11:00

"It makes me quite angry when people stink to high heaven of perfume"

That sounds like a case for therapy, not a case for complaint.

mom2twoteens has a very valid point, which I'll take a step further. If dealing with someone's PFB's shit, piss and vomit is good enough for nursery carers so's wearing perfume. The nursery nurse is an adult and a person, not to be dictated to about something so personal and so petty.

I've several friends who are trained, professional nursery staff. Believe me, they'll be rolling their eyes into next week.

Pedestriana · 18/04/2015 11:05

Hmm, tricky.

I get your point about you not liking the smell and I fully accept that some fragrances can trigger asthma or migraines (having had the latter experience myself).

I just can't think of a tactful way to broach the subject - you can't really tell someone not to wear perfume, as that is being rather unreasonable in dictating something quite harmless in the whole scheme of things. The only thing I can think of is coming out with a bit of a white lie; you could approach the nursery manager and say that you're sorry to raise a problem, but you're very sensitive to scent, and when you bring DD home from nursery you seem to be getting a bit of reaction to the 'transfer scent' on her.

My DD's been going to nursery for most of her childhood and does sometimes come home smelling faintly of perfume. This is because she gets lots of cuddles from her favourite carer there. Thankfully it isn't a smell I'm affected by, otherwise I would have to find a tactful way of speaking to them about it.

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