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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery staff perfume

125 replies

BananaLeaf · 18/04/2015 08:21

15mo Dd has just started nursery, one of the staff wears a perfume that really lingers in DDs hair and clothes. I am not a fan of strong scents as they give me a headache, and I find it disconcerting that she comes home with this strong scent on her. She does not smell like my DD!
WIBU to mention this to the manager?

OP posts:
CupidStuntSurvivor · 18/04/2015 11:05

So nursery staff shouldn't be allowed to wear perfume?

Pull the other one.

The management may try to be diplomatic about it but I very much doubt she'd tell her staff to alter how they smell in case their smell lingers on the children. And she'd laugh at you as soon as you were gone.

GoblinLittleOwl · 18/04/2015 11:08

Has it occurred to you, Banana Leaf, that your child will be carrying her particular smells into Nursery ? It may be baby products, fabric conditioner or your scent, but equally it may be dirty nappies, cooking, pets, wood smoke or your particular house smell.
That is why so many people working with children wear scent.
And who are the 'we' who dictate what workers may or not wear?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/04/2015 11:11

Mustard to say you're a teacher you don't seem to like children. Hence your precious little darlings comment.!!! So do you not think parents are allowed to think their child is the most precious thing ever. Is that a crime. Okay you say you have to contend with 15 year old boys but they're their mothers precious little darlings, and no you don't hVe to do anything. No one forced or is forcing you to work with them. As the saying goes if you cAnt stand the heat. Get out the kitchen. Simple as that.

Original poster
BananaLeaf · 18/04/2015 11:34

YABU and entitled. What gives you the right to complain about someone else's choice of perfume?
The reason I would be entitled to complain it is that I am paying for a service. It's not like they are doing me a favour, or I'm complaining about a random person wearing perfume. It's also not the 'choice of perfume' that's the concern but the strength of the scent which lingers. It affects me but I can't know how this affects the babies. If enough parents felt the same way perhaps it would become a policy for nursery workers not to wear perfume, as PPs have mentioned is sometimes the case.

I also doubt that she is wearing the perfume to mask the smell of wee and poo Confused

I've already come to the conclusion that's it's a problem for me not DD (that I know of) so I will leave it.

OP posts:
ThisIsTheJamHot · 18/04/2015 11:47

Yes BananaLeaf, you're paying for a service. You're paying for your daughter to be cared for in a responsible, appropriate way. To be fed, changed, entertained and a myriad of other things but you're not paying to dictate perfume choice or lack of.

I paid Waitrose for a lettuce and two avocados last night. My payment included the service of the person on the till, their manners and helpfulness. My payment doesn't cover telling her manager that the checker's hair dye puts my nose out of joint and that she must change it.

Of course you're entitled to complain. You're very entitled, to complain about anything you like. The nursery is entitled to earmark you as "one of those parents" as soon as you leave, too.

Original poster
BananaLeaf · 18/04/2015 12:41

I'm not sure that analogy is very relevant. Does the checker's hair dye give you a headache? Or have any effect on what you've brought home?

There have been some people on here who understand how scents can affect people, and it's not a case of your 'nose being put out of joint', it's about being physically affected. It's not a matter of choice or opinion, so thanks to those that recognise that.

I'll say for the 3rd time I've realised it's more a problem for me rather than DD, and appreciate the help in seeing that.

OP posts:
Notso · 18/04/2015 12:49

I have the opposite problem. I look after DN regularly. SIL must use gallons of fabric softener. My house reeks of it, it's really sickly and horrible. I have to keep all the windows open when she is here.
I think they must use a separate one for DN's clothes because I didn't notice it on SIL and BIL before she was born.

I do completely understand how smells can affect people. I remember suffering in the car when my Mum had perfume on, it gave me a massive headache and I felt sick.

You can't say anything though. While it's not pleasant, it's not damaging in any way either.

Wait until she starts school and come home stinking of 'school'!

ThisIsTheJamHot · 18/04/2015 12:52

OK, so my analogy isn't very relevant. I can accept that. It's of no consequence whatsoever to my opinion, which remains the same. You're being precious and you're going to get laughed by eye-rolling staff at as soon as you turn towards the nursery door.

The nursery staff's perfume gives you a headache. Daily, I suppose. Whatever, it makes no difference to my day.

I'll leave you with this. If the checkout teller's hair dye really did give me a headache I still don't think that I'd have a right complain on the grounds that paying for the service entitled me to dictate personal choices of that kind or that complaining about their personal toiletry would be a reasoned, measured reaction.

Inkspellme · 18/04/2015 12:53

I think if it was a problem for your dd - asthma or allergy for example - you would be entirely reasonable in meeting with nursery manager and talking through the problem and looking for a solution. However, as you have said at least twice, it's your own issue and therefore does not seem to be affecting your dd. you're right in not approaching the nursery therefore. They are doing what they should be doing - providing quality care for your dd. That's the service you pay for and nothing you've posted indicates that they are failing to provide th a t.

I would agree with other posters that if she smells of perfume it's because she has close physical contact with that person - and that's a good thing for your dd.

Mia1415 · 18/04/2015 12:54

My DS has always come up smelling of his childminders perfume. I love the fact this means he has being getting cuddles & attention all day. Sorry YABU

LowryFan · 18/04/2015 12:57

I loved my small children smelling of perfume from key worker cuddles. Now they come home smelling of School Hall.

Blazing88 · 18/04/2015 13:02

Trust me. Even without the perfume, they'd still come home stinking of nursery! boak

On a nursery day, the bath takes longer and the hair definitely gets washed Grin

Notso · 18/04/2015 13:06

damaging her that should read. Must preview posts.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/04/2015 13:07

Seriously lolling at 15 yr old boys being their mammy's precious darlings. Whilst that may be true, when I've got 16 of them, the lesson after PE and in 25 degrees like this morning I have no problem with throwing the windows open, telling them that eau de teenage boy is not a good smell and to suggest stronger deodorant next time.

AnnaFiveTowns · 18/04/2015 13:22

This is jamhot - I don't need therapy, I just dislike having migraines and throwing up. It's not uncommon for people to react this way to strong perfume.

The analogy I would use is that of smoking in a confined space. The smoker feels entitled to smoke because they like it, but should they do something that affects those around them and potentially makes them ill? And young children have absolutely no say in the matter.

When you douse yourself with perfume you are inflicting those chemicals on everyone, whether they like it or not. I think that's entitled.

AnnaFiveTowns · 18/04/2015 13:24

And, yes, smelly teenage boys are not pleasant but the smell doesn't cause a physical reaction/allergy so it's not the same thing.

Stopandlook · 18/04/2015 13:25

Very unreasonable but I do understand - I had this with my PFB and used to hate it too.

But no, you can't tell a poorly paid nursery worker, who is looking after your child and loads of others, that she can't wear her own perfume just because you don't like the smell.

She is probably not that keen on stinky nappies, maybe she sniffs her wrist now and then to get the constant nursery nappy smell away....

crazylady12 · 18/04/2015 13:29

In a nursery I worked on you weren't aloud to wear perfume in the baby room, which I fully supported some people go over the top when spraying it.

AnnaFiveTowns · 18/04/2015 13:33

Having said all of that, OP, if your child is happy, the key worker is lovely (and she's obviously giving lots of cuddles!) and you have no allergy/physical irritation caused by the perfume then it might not be worth bringing it up. I certainly wouldn't bother unless you think it's irritating your child in some way.

HumphreyCobbler · 18/04/2015 13:33

I am not sure if it would be unreasonable or not to say something, mainly because I dislike the smell of strong perfume so much myself I would hate it if my baby stank of it too.

ThisIsTheJamHot · 18/04/2015 13:39

Anna, anger is not a proportionate reaction to someone wearing perfume per se.

It's an understandable one if you've extreme reactions to it (as you have) and you've asked someone not to wear it in a situation where that's possible, for example when family visit or if the person in question shares an office with you. Anger's not a reasonable response purely to "when people" (e.g. the woman on the train or the girl on the next table at Costa) smell of it.

If you get that angry about something so far outwith your control I do think you need to do something about your reaction!

AnnaFiveTowns · 18/04/2015 13:40

Stopandlook - it's not because we don't like the smell Confused I keep saying this but actually I quite like the smell of many perfumes. The problem is that they make me, and many others feel ill. There's a big difference between not liking something and something making you ill.

ThisIsTheJamHot · 18/04/2015 13:45

I'm noting that the OP says that she's "not a fan of strong scents" as they give her a headache. Unless she's drip-feeding or is going to change the nature of her complaint she isn't saying that this nursery worker's (reduced, due to being hours old and transferred via a third party) scent is giving her a headache. She's saying that strong scent does and that she doesn't like perfume on her child because it's "disconcerting" and that the toddler "doesn't smell like [my] DD".

coolaschmoola · 18/04/2015 13:58

Anna I can categorically state that eau de teenager CAN cause a physical reaction. In summer the stench can cause retching and nausea. Some teenagers stink. Badly. It's hormonal, they can't help it, but it's VILE.

My feelings about the smell and them as individuals are separate, but I'm not going to pretend they smell of roses in case their completely unknowing mothers might read my mind Hmm.

bananaandcustard · 18/04/2015 14:00

I think this thread just shows that the mother in question would rather not hand her baby over to another persons care, and that the smell of another woman's perfume is reinforcing that feeling.

just my 2p worth of opinion!