To start a thread on nutty neighbours?

[littlefrenchonion]

Neighbour (early 50's, healthy, but very odd with her own strange opinions on everything) just popped her head over the fence to inform me that her granddaughter recently caught Ebola from eating one of her pet chicken's eggs. Really? Are you sure? Not salmonella? Nope, actual EBOLA, as in the haemorrhagic disease currently sweeping parts of West Africa. But it's ok, as her granddaughter is a Coeliac and is therefore more likely to catch EBOLA than me. She looked it up on the internet and thinks it may be the first case of a chicken spreading Ebola, as she couldn't find any information. But I should probably avoid eating eggs to be on the safe side (I'm pregnant). Right.

In the same conversation, I have also been told off for 'marching' down my garden too fast, don't I know it will give me pre-eclampsia?

In the past we've been accused of closing our windows 'rudely', and that my Facebook account has been hacked because she searched my name and it came up with someone else with my name but it wasn't me!

Anyone else have any crazy/daft/weird neighbours and some good stories to tell?

My old neighbour was obsessed with his car, a v v old Audi a3 that was battered & sounded awful when he drove it. Had a full care kit including different cloths, sponges & 11 different brushes (he told my oh) for the different parts he was cleaning. A rotating electric buffer thing. He would be out for hours on the drive, once buffed it at 11.30pm in the pitch black (no outside light).

I was on mat leave so I saw him all the time & when I had ds & would be out walking with the pram he asked me to walk on the other side of the street instead of the pavement edging his drive so I didn't get "pram dust" on his car & so if ds was sick it wouldn't splash the car, a polite "no " was my response.

Was a perfectionist in parking on his drive, everytime taking at least 20 back & forths to get right. When we had really heavy snow he was out every 10 mins after it started with a snow shovel clearing the immediate square of round in front of his drive. It snowed for hours & as we were an L shaped cul de sac (his house being on the inner corner, no houses opposite him as next to a school) his piled up snow clearing blocked the rest of us in with a snow wall. Oh & ndn had to go out & clear it & he was massively put out to be asked not to block us in & couldn't see why we were bothered!

I have relatively normal neighbours now

DesertIslandPenguin I wonder if we lived in the same cul de sac? The very first Sunday after we moved in everyone seemed to be out mowing their front lawns and cheerfully gardening. Either that or constantly washing their cars. They all liked to wear overalls too. As if to say, "We are SERIOUS" about this. Every car in that cul de sac gleamed, except ours...

The NDNs we were attached to were in a different league of anally retentive gardening to the others, mind. He insisted on mowing our front lawn whenever he mowed his own because he couldn't cope with looking at 2 different heights of grass side by side (by his own admission). We just let him get on with it. This was the man that mowed his lawn on Christmas eve.

Put me off cul de sac living forever! We only stayed a year!

this is going to be a copy and paste because I discussed this last week on a Drunk thread

My mum has a new neighbour. My mum is not getting on with said neighbour. Neighbour keeps coming out whilst my mum is sat in her garden, strolling into her garden and plonking her arse down on a seat. She won't leave when asked, she's that high on drugs she doesn't realise what she's doing. She's making rude comments about my mum saying things like 'grays mum i'd shag the arse off you' and then asking my younger brother to come into her house to do things. I've asked her to leave, we asked her numerous times. It's resulted in me having to drag her out of the garden and dump her on her own doorstep because we rang the police and they said they can'r send anyone.

I go home, I get a phonecall later - neighbour has attacked my mum and kicked her int he head. My mum is terminally ill, she does not need this.

Mum thankfully can look after herself so managed to sort it out, the woman wasn't happy though and screams about bringing all these women down to 'batter' my mum.

Next thing a man turns up at the door and takes a swing for my dad. My dad's what you'd call a handy man though and sorted that out.

Police have been rang, but I don't think they'll do much and even if they do this woman just isn't right. Nothing computes in her mind. She kept forgetting she'd ever met me and kept asking my name. She completely forgot she had attacked my mum - within seconds.

she brought her friend round who's 6 foot 3 and built like a brick shit house and told her to 'get her (me)', like literally tried to sik her on me like a dog. I don't think I need to tell you how well that went down I was not pleased.

TheToast& quite possibly! There was an awful lot of car-washing, too. I'd thought that living in a detached house in a cul-de-sac would be fantastic, but not so much as it turned out.

I have a neighbour who is a man of about forty. He's always pleasant and friendly to me but unbelievably rude to any men he meets. His house adjoins ours and when we first moved in ours had been empty for some time. The night I had DS1 DH returned home to find a rat in our sitting room and we spent the rest of the year trying to find out where they were getting in so we could stop them. The free pest control service available from our council was a huge help, but I had an inkling that the rats were getting in through the neighbour's house. one night neighbour dropped round to ask for the contact number for our pest control guy, as he'd heard noises in his house. He rang, made an appointment and when the pest control guy turned up as agreed for the appointment, neighbour refused to leave his bed and shouted and swore at him out of the window! DH was completely unsurprised, but I still think it's really weird - it's staggering the difference between how he talks to men and how he talks to women.

Grays Jesus. You win.

I live on a completely normal street. My neighbours are all completely normal. I have nothing to add except to say thank god.

In fact we're probably the worst. We are continuously trying to do our house up and it looks awful because we just never get around to it all. The fence has come down and we've had some trees cut down. The flower bed has more weeds than flowers. There's piles of wood, bags of old gravel and the house desperately needs painting. Still, the skip has gone now.

OK, so next-door neighbours are very very quiet. We never hear them unless someone else has parked outside their house (public road) he appears, shouting "Move your F*ing CAR!". They have a solid garden gate with a deadlock on it, a private drive with nothing on it and if the post-person knocks, they will not answer. They leave their house about once a week (for an hour), they keep their curtains drawn all the time and no-one ever goes in...... However, if the car parking perpetrator is large with tattoos etc, there is no confrontation (funny, that).

Our side of the street backs on to a field. For about 6 months now my neighbours have be trying to steal a 5-foot strip of said field by stealth. They started by just gardening the patch behind their fence. Now they've built a retaining wall and are planting little trees. They also look to be moving their fence posts backwards, a few inches at a time. Every day they're out there stealing bits of the field, come rain or shine. The most entertaining part is that whenever the farmer appears, the ndns leap back over their fence and scarper indoors.

rally that's just bonkers. Surely come harvest time the farmer will be out there with his tractor or combine and he'll just plough everything up?

The farmer always leaves a border around the field for wild stuff, so it's that bit of land that they're trying to commandeer. A couple of times it's looked like he's trying to sideswipe the retaining wall with his tractor, but it's too solid. It's keeping us entertained, anyway. They keep looking over at the land behind our fence and loudly tutting about the state we leave it in!

Our neighbours got huffy with us, because we got the rodent control people into deal with a rat who was living in our garden and visiting theirs. Discovered after the demise of rat they had been feeding it deliberately and had even given it a name.

No wonder the f*er was so big. They were pretty upset, and we did feel a bit guilty

My ndn blames our decking that we had rats- nothing to do with their leftover dinners he puts out every night.

Previous NDN arranged for large pieces of furniture to be delivered to my house ! Delivery guy showed me the sheet in which NDN had put down our address as the place to leave the furniture as they would be at work. Not sure were i was suppossed to put what looked like a wardrobe and a bed ! I declined to take them in. NDN was not pleased about that.
Same neighbour also one day ripped out the fence dividing our gardens then they put it back but instead of the nice side in our garden put the post side to us instead.
He also liked wandering the garden with a tiny thong on and nothing else (he wasn't exactly brad pitt ! ) and would stand at the top of the garden staring at me through the patio doors.

Were we live now neighbour across road gets loads of parcels and is rarely in. Most couriers know and take them round the back of the house. Once not long after we moved in i took one in for her. She returned home about an hour later. I had my children so didn't want to have to drag them over as well as this massive parcel. She never came for it so when DH got home from work I struggled over with it thinking perhaps the courier hadn't posted a slip through her door. She opened the door and sneered at me "I was wondering when you would decide to bring me my parcel. i've been waiting for you to bring it to me. "
Now she isn't disabled or anything, according to my lovely NDN this woman is simply a very entitled person. She has actually been given a nickname by a few in the street which i won't repeat as it will out me.

I also used to come home to find her naked in my pool.

This reminds of the thread about the neighbour who tried to use/invite herself to a pool without permission.

Not a 'now' neighbour but an ex one. Totally batshit and sits and stares at the house she sold to send her daughter to a posh school and makes excuses as to why she's there.
Think I'm mean? You feel sorry for her? How about if I told you the new neighbours caught her letting herself in with her OWN key that she kept after knocking and thinking they were out!!

We had neighbours opposite and the wife was in and out of hosp with mh problems and whenever an attack was coming on she'd run away and hide behind bushes then pop up to say hello to anyone passing by lifting her wig up like it was a hat showing her bald head and scaring you witless. She had all the local lads round her house in the school dinner break and groped them. I

That's just creepy.

Tofackinell obviously, although bluejumper's is quite weird.

Some amazing neighbours. I had one constantly complaining about stairs creaking when we went to the loo and could we maybe piss in a bucket after 8pm. I asked her if she'd like to clean our slop buckets every morning. She did not. She recorded nighttime stair noises for a year afterwards. Wonder what she did with that sound library in the end...

Mil has a neighbour obsessed with trees and hedges, threatened solicitors letters if they weren't cut back etc. Cut back stuff in her front garden when she was out and left it on her garden etc. This went on for 3 years, now it transpires neighbour has dementia.
Mil still pissed off, regardless!!

When we first moved into our house the neighbours on the left were a group of young miners (and their girlfriend - yep, 4 guys and 1 girl). The girl was a horrendous pot smoker (you'd get high sitting on the back patio from all the smoke drifting over the back fence) and we couldn't use the washing line in the summer as the clothes smelt so bad. I got used to it so didn't notice the smell but the police dogs sure did when I got stopped outside the pub one night!

One of the miners was really racist and would constantly go on and on about all the immigrants coming over here and taking 'our jobs'. Kind of ironic considering we live in Australia and he had the broadest South African accent possible.

The current neighbours are great, except the MIL used to date DPs uncle so every time DP sees her it's "Hello, nearly Aunty Wendy".

My ndn goes mental if anyone parks in HIS space! Luckily it's not his space but a normal road anyone can park on. He literally parks on the bumper of any car who dares park there!

My ndn is a weirdo, I hate him.
He once decided to cut down the trees opposite our house. We live in a cul de sac with house only on one side. According to him he owned anything he could see out his front window .
I went out to tell him to stop and he ended up chasing me down the road with a chainsaw. Another neighbour rugby tackled him as we ran past his garden.

Male neighbour, in broad daylight, was seen looking in our bin (and he had to walk into my garden to do it).

He has just spent two weeks solid weeding front garden. Did the same last year. It looked like a barracks. But he didn't plant a single thing. Nothing. Nada. Just this meticulously weeded patch of... dust.

Within weeks of moving in, called the police claiming neighbours had stolen imaginary solar lights from his garden. Then called them saying we'd stolen (or the other side of us had stolen) his cheap BBQ lid. A few weeks back, called the police twice in a week claiming they heard DV noises coming from my house. First time was my kids watching a football match. Second time was my kids moving their PS4 into the living room and playing FIFA...

(That was revenge as we contacted NSPCC about their loud child beating exercises).

Sometimes the woman makes this creepy howling sound.

And she shouts at the kids in a creepy, scratchy, terrifying voice. We think she is an alcoholic as years ago we lived next door to an elderly alkie who made similar noises when he had the DTs.

Lately they have taken to suddenly being nice to all the other neighbours. They rush out when folk are about to come home from work, and stand chatting to the same people they were calling the coppers on, last year.

The second the nice neighbours or postie etc goes, they run back in their house, mission accomplished.

The woman doesn't just curtain twitch she actually stands and pulls the curtain aside and just glares at us if we dare to use our car. They also stand in their garden staring across at the secondary school kids getting off the bus at night, and if my kids play football over the road, they stand and creepily stare at them for ages.

They also bought £600 worth of CCTV equipment not long after moving in - when they still had no furniture or carpets and were living with toddlers, with a bare, concrete floor in the living room. Weird priorities. Especially as this is a zero crime area.

I told the postie I won't take any parcels for them and don't want her leaving mine there and she told me not to worry, she had no intention of leaving anyone else's parcels there as she thinks they are, quote, "retards". They were chatting her up the other day without a clue what she really thinks about them. ;o)

Should add - the postie's word isn't one I'd use.

I forgot but we used to have a neighbour who was obsessed with lawnmowing.

When I got this house it had been empty for a couple of months. The day we moved in, the neighbours introduced themselves and told us they'd cut the grass for us. I thought "How kind!" and then forgot all about it.

Rain or shine, the man would be out cutting the grass.

Them, suddenly there was a notice taped to their front door saying the house had been repossessed.

It was worth £180,000 but sold under them by the bank for £70,000 and a quick sale. The whole time it was up for sale, now not belonging to them, the man still dutifully reappeared every other day... to mow the lawn of the house he'd been kicked out of, with the repossession notice still humiliatingly on the door.