To start a thread on nutty neighbours?

[littlefrenchonion]

Neighbour (early 50's, healthy, but very odd with her own strange opinions on everything) just popped her head over the fence to inform me that her granddaughter recently caught Ebola from eating one of her pet chicken's eggs. Really? Are you sure? Not salmonella? Nope, actual EBOLA, as in the haemorrhagic disease currently sweeping parts of West Africa. But it's ok, as her granddaughter is a Coeliac and is therefore more likely to catch EBOLA than me. She looked it up on the internet and thinks it may be the first case of a chicken spreading Ebola, as she couldn't find any information. But I should probably avoid eating eggs to be on the safe side (I'm pregnant). Right.

In the same conversation, I have also been told off for 'marching' down my garden too fast, don't I know it will give me pre-eclampsia?

In the past we've been accused of closing our windows 'rudely', and that my Facebook account has been hacked because she searched my name and it came up with someone else with my name but it wasn't me!

Anyone else have any crazy/daft/weird neighbours and some good stories to tell?

My neighbour thought my security alarm box outside my flat was spying on her, asked me once where she could get a ladies spade to help me in the garden & asked us to change her light bulbs anytime they blew because she was terrified of electricity. She also frequently answered the door in her underwear. I actually had a soft spot for her. When she moved out our new neighbour was a young guy who once lost his keys & slept on my doormat dressed as banana man.

My NDN came marching into my garden to order the workmen doing my double glazing to stop as it was not a good day for them as her DH was having a networking BBQ. They said they would be willing if she paid them labour for the day, when she totally flipped. When I came out she accused me of spying on them and booking them just to spoil their day. As if I have a couple of grand spare for double glazing just to piss her off.

I love nutty neighbours stories but that because I don't have to deal with one, wouldn't love em if I did

Old neighbour we had always came into his garden to comment on what we were doing in our garden as you could see into each other's garden as the fences were so low.

Every time we were in the garden he would come out and see what we were doing and it drove me mad. He must just be waiting near his back door for us to go outside.

Putting up a climbing frame he had to come out and say ' you don't want to do it like that' and I burst out laughing as he reminded me as the guy from the Harry Enfield or fast show.

Anyway he insisted the wooden climbing frame would topple over in the wind due to us doing it wrong and using the wrong screws.

Couple of months later when it was severe gales he was stood in his garden waiting/willing the climbing frame to topple over but it stayed strong.

The next day I made a comment that it had stayed up despite the severe gales and he stormed off muttering things under his breath to inside his house and just stared at me through his kitchen window , you could see the rage in his face that he had been proven wrong

When I was at university, my boyfriend parked outside someone else's house (normal street parking, no restrictions). When we got in the car, he ran out the door, across the car and opened my door (the passenger side). He then shouted at us for five minutes that we should park where we belong.

I used to know a guy who had neighbours who would sunbathe topless in the garden but would give him evils if he was also in the garden, even if his partner was with him.

We live next door to a family with six children. When she announced her fifth pregnancy I had to ask her ... 'just, you know, talk me through this ... how?!' and she then proceeded to talk me through every single existing piece of contraception they had ever tried, but that had all failed. She's just very fertile you know. (Aha, sure) Her fella is not at all pleased. So I mentioned whether perhaps he should get the snip. Turned out he was booked in for it, but couldn't make it to the pre-operative assessment because ... wait for it ... she was in labour!!! I am still giggling about that one and she's on no 6 now. Needless to say her BF spends a lot of time outside the house, tinkering with his car (not all kids fit in, I don't know what they do when they all go away, does one go in the roof box?)

Incidentally, they've just parked the baby outside in the garden, on its own, in its carseat. It doesn't sound too happy about it.

They're nice though. They take any packages that get delivered when I am not there and he was a life saver when I tried to fold the buggy for the first time and couldn't. He's got a lot of experience with folding buggies.

Did I mention that we hardly ever see her without her dressing gown on?

(I hope she's not on mumsnet!)

Oh i am surrounded by them. I have nutty neighbours on each side of me. Sometimes i think its me..........

To my left is a fairly old couple who when we moved in asks us if we were planning on getting a dog. We said yes and ndn said that we should please reconsider as they don't like dogs. They shout if the kids are in the garden and if the dog barks. Kids and dog just ignore them now. Please note my dc are teenagers so are hardly outside screaming and shouting playing a game. They are out playing about with the dog or sunbathing etc....

Opposite me is a young girl who lives alone. She has a karaoke machine in her lounge. She pops home work during her lunchbreak (1-2pm) and belts out songs on the karaoke yes, she is all alone, the singing stops and then she leaves in the car. I have no clue when she eats as the singing starts the minute she arrives until she leaves.

Next door to her opposite me, is gods gift to women. He has propositioned nearly every woman in our street. He loves to bare all and he is regularly seen in his driveway naked or the best is he leaves his bedroom curtains open (which faces my house) with the light on and gets dressed so every one can see. I looked once in that direction, not purposely but did see him there, and he saw me then he messaged me the next day to ask me if i enjoyed it!

Next to me on my right. Well I don't think i have enough time to write about all their antics. To sum it up, i am sick to death of them and their using ways, they just leave to go on holiday and i get TOLD to feed their dog, open the house up for builders, sign for this, sign for that. When they didn't pay for their electricity (we pay monthly) and it was disconnected, I was "told" via sms a whole list of things that i should do - ie remove their meat from freezer, etc etc. I eventually told them to f... right off.

Its a standing joke amongst our friends that we are the only sane ones in the street............

Oh wow, nutty neighbours. Where do I begin:

I get up at 5am on Saturdays and the chappie over the way (back yards face each other) is always in his yard doing naked yoga when I underdraw my back bedroom curtains. I've only lived in my new house for about 5 weeks but already one nut job identified.

Old NDN had a go at me once for hanging washing out on a Thursday because Monday is washing day apparently. She wasn't even old enough to remember Monday wash day, probably only about 55.

Same NDN also had a go at me for hanging out my bra and pants on the line as it could give people 'the wrong idea'. I still have no idea what she meant by that- are massive pants on the line the international symbol of 'prostitute lives here'?

Another old NDN used to sporadically set up a tent in his back garden in the summer and sleep in it like you'd do when you were about 10. He was about 50 and no kids.

A lady on the road I used to live stopped me in the street once when I was on my own without DP to ask how long he'd be staying because she was worried about the neighbourhood reputation. I was to which she replied, 'You know, their kind...' whilst circling her face mouthing the word 'coloured' '...its just not that sort of area'.

A lady across the courtyard when I lived in my student flat used to wander around in circles around the close for hours muttering to herself and play religious radio stations at full volume whilst doing it.

midnite.. laughing so much picturing this, nearly wetting myself, quick pass the tena lady pads someone !

I wasn't laughing. It cost me a fortune in chlorine!

I also thought my chooks weren't laying for a few weeks, and caught her son in the chook pen early one morning. Turns out her chooks weren't laying, so she told her son she was going to cook them. He was pinching my eggs and claiming they were from her chooks so they didn't get eaten.

We live in a block of 8 flats, all bar us own them and there is more drama than bloody eastenders. Emergancy meeting over the communal window being left open was the most recent!

One of my previous neighbours decided to get a cat. She then came round to tell me off, since her cat had been sunning itself in our garden when my dog ran out the backdoor and scared it. I shouldn't let my dog out any more apparently since it wasn't fair on the cat. I refused her proposal and she huffed off, not speaking to me for months, until I took a parcel in for her and she had to collect it!

I've had ndn that blast enya out on an extremely powerful stereo, morning to night. Ndn that have filled waterpistols by their backdoor for spraying "those pesky neighbourhood kids and cats" wheeler bin stealing ndn (not just once, every couple of months they have both our bin AND THEIR OWN in their garden) .

One neighbour complained about the kids jumping on the trampoline MIDDAY, in the school holiday because she had to sleep and asked us to move it.

A old neighbour knocked on my door plastered at midnight on a Sunday and asked me for cigarettes. I don't smoke!
She also had a 5 DAY party and then we banging on doors yelling at everyone e for "grassing her up" to her landlord.
Same neighbour went to summer music festival and the next day a random women was banging on my door asking if i had seen her as she hadn't collected her son when she was meant to. They were hanging around outside the house for HOURS, calling her phone that we could all hearing ringing inside. HER SON WAS CRYING BECAUSE THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT OVERDOSES RIGHT INFRONT OF HIM. Then a bloke turns up with a ladder and climbs through an open window, she was in there the whole time passed out. Spent the afternoon listening to them all laughing about it. Mhm hilarious.

These are great, let me add my own.

NDN complained to me recently about her other neighbour putting up a bird feeder. Unfortunately I couldn't identify why this is a problem. It attracted very few birds and didn't seem to affect her in any way. Also come to think about it, I'm not sure what she was expecting me to do about it!

Another neighbour we had growing up used to get a large extension cable and take her ironing board out to the street and do all her ironing there.

My next door neighbours came home on the middle weekend of a two week holiday to mow their lawn. It must've been a long drive as they didn't start mowing until 9.30 at night.

The man across the road dusts his hanging baskets.

I am surrounded by loons.

Courier deliveries and NDN are a nightmare!

• my NDNs told all courier companies to deliver goods to me if they weren't home (without ever once knocking and asking if I minded), despite the fact they used to bugger off abroad for months at a time. It always had my address in the "notes" field on the delivery form. Thanks!!

• Created themselves a 'gated' entrance with full-on security, auto electric gates, so there was no way of the courier company leaving anything on their doorstep (even for the morning). It meant I had to go ND, stand in the road ringing on the intercom (which they never answered), to try and get rid of their consignments.

• insisted I kept the hedge cut high (which I had to pay for because it was too high for me on a step ladder) because they didn't like looking over the hedge as it made them think "we're on a council estate".

One upon a time we lived in a little cul-de-sac where every Sunday morning the neighbours would be out, rain or shine, doing the gardening except us. Think neat stripes down every front lawn, and middle-aged men kneeling down to cut the edges with a pair of scissors. When it became apparent that we weren't going to join in with the collective madness, they rang our landlord to complain. I crawled out of bed one morning, blearily made myself a cup of coffee and turned around to find a bunch of men in our garden doing the gardening!!

It turned out that they weren't actually a company... the landlord had told the crazy neighbours that if it bothered them so much they should just let themselves in and do the garden themselves!!

Ahh these are excellent!

The only other one I can think of was when we were kids, there was a little boy next door who developed a bit of an obsession with my dad - he used to leave 'love letters' through the door and would often be sat on our doorstep waiting for him to come home from work. He would throw all sorts of stuff into our garden to give himself an excuse to come round. He must have been about 7, single child with parents who were quite busy people (both doctors). I think he was just really lonely poor kid!

At first it was funny and quite cute but after a while my dad got a bit concerned people might get the wrong idea. After an awkward conversation with his parents it mostly stopped, still had the odd love letter every now and then though.

daisy This happened to a friend. She's a self-employed journalist unemployed and works at home most of the time so her NDNs nomiated her as their 'parcel taker' without asking. When she started to refuse deliveries, all merrry hell broke loose.

My Mum had next door neighbours who used to refuse to use their recycling bin, fill their wheely bin with giant boxes and then, when their bin was full, put their rubbish bags in my Mum's bin. She would then take them out and put them on their doorstep. This happened over and over, they never got the message. They also had a major fire in their house which we think was started deliberately.

She had another neighbour who knocked once and asked my Mum (who is quite old) to go to the shops to buy her some cigarettes. When she said no, she flew into a rage and said "But I've been cleaning!".

Another neighbour (single mum) would ring my mum and ask whether I felt like babysitting her son on a Saturday (I was 16ish). Then whined when my Mum said "Oh maybe, she charges £1.50 an hour (I am old), let me check" that she couldn't afford it. Got huffy when my Mum said Well stay in then.

Same neighbour would ring at weird times to ask us to pop our (huge) stepladder round (meaning lug it to her front door as she was too idle).

I used to have a neighbour who lived in the flat downstairs. On my first day he came up to tell me that my shower leaked (fair enough, I got that fixed right away) and to say that the guy who sold me the flat had said he would pay for his entire bathroom to be redecorated (he was trying it on, it really wasn't that bad). He thought it was outrageous when I said that I hadn't caused the damage so wasn't paying but instead gave him the previous guy's solicitor's details. He also stayed up till midnight shrieking at his kids every bloody night.

Old ndns were mental! We lived in a street with on street parking they had about 3 vehicles they would use one to save a space outside their house and have this system of moving them around. They got a new vehicle which they spent the whole day just sitting in it. The huge rows over their many many dogs were also funny to listen too

This thread is making me

Our NDN live with their 2 grown up children - their front garden is immaculate - think flowers etc all planted with the distance measured between them. I have 5 DC 2-13years - my front garden is full of bikes, scooters etc and we obviously annoy them. Anyway the DCs have occasionally hit a ball over the fence - previous neighbours would throw them back over - NDN throw them back but burst them first - one day DSs favourite ball went over so I said if we quickly went and knocked on door to apologise they might give it back - the answer was NO - it's in the bin - charming! The weather has been lovely these Easter hols - the children have been out in the garden loads and instead of telling them to keep the noise down like I'd usually do, I say make as much noise as you like just to annoy the miserable bunch next door

A family used to live 2 doors down from my parents. They were mad. Husband and wife and a daughter. The child was terribly neglected and we used to see her wandering around the estate at all hours. The husband and wife argued constantly, big, violent, screaming fights. Then the wife would invariably end up at our kitchen table having tea and sympathy with my mother. (She's a total soft touch, drives my dad mad).
One day, after I'd left home I arrived at my parents house for Sunday dinner to see an ambulance with the husband sitting in the back of it, covered in blood. wifey was wandering around the road wailing, also covered in blood.
Turns out they'd been fighting and she had hit him on the head with an axe. It was a miracle she didn't kill him.
They ended up loosing their house because they didn't pay the mortgage and they moved away.