To think this woman actually *is* being a bit "too posh to push"?

[VenetiaFleet]

Talking to a colleague about childbirth today, she brought up the topic, not me. My DS was born last year – straightforward natural birth in the water, quick recovery for me. She was making faces at the idea of natural birth and said that it's hideous and if she ever got pregnant she’d always opt for an elective c-section as it’s so much easier and her friends who've had one just rested after childbirth and were fine.

Then she said that another reason she wants a c-section is because she doesn't like the idea of being loose and wants to remain "tight" for her husband (also imaginary at this point)! I guess her implication is that those of us who've given birth naturally have fanjos like windsocks!

Do we finally have a case of someone who actually does think she’s too posh to push and doesn't realise that a CS is major surgery??

VenetiaFleet Thu 16-Apr-15 13:12:25
I think you're taking this a bit too personally Redtoothbrush, I'd suggest stepping away from the computer - it's just the Internet FFS. No need to get so worked up.

Yes its the internet. I also get PMs occasionally from women who have seen posts I've made on MN about my experience who ask for help or advice because they are scared and want help/advice/support.

They feel guilty about considering having an ELCS and unable to talk about it in RL.

So I think I'll stick around for a while and point out why trying to prove why too posh to push can harm and hurt some pretty vulnerable individuals.

I support any woman's right to choose how she gives birth without judgment provided its an informed decision - whether it be a homebirth or an ELCS or anything inbetween. I think that's something worth getting 'worked up' over.

I ended up black and blue from a forceps delivery, Beth. And it left my pelvis very unstable and my arse very tender. I couldn't walk the day after I'd given birth and had a particuarly unsympathetic midwife who said I had no excuse.

She sounds a bit silly.

I planned a natural delivery for DC1 but ended up with an EMCS.
I of course now have a scar (not much of an overhang though, luckily).

I'm opting for an ELCS for this baby - and a large part of it is because I don't want both a scar AND pelvic floor issues that are a possibility with a difficult VB. I'd like to take some of the control back.

If that makes me too posh to push then so be it. That decision is between me and the midwifes/consultants.

I think YABvU. I had an emergency CS with my first, without which we would both have died. I then chose to have an elected CS with my second as (from much reading / discussion with HCPs) I decided it was safer, but I had to really fight for it, as hospital was keen to keep their c-sections down to hit a target. Some friends and family were dismissive. I think the phrase "too posh to push" is awful and puts great pressure on a lot of women who have real anxieties and worries about childbirth. More generally, I think all women should be given an informed choice. For what it's worth, every woman in my antenatal group (bar one) who had a vaginal birth had an awful experience. They all opted for c-sections second time round as they saw how much more quickly I recovered.

Her body, her choice.

Sure, we can all do that smug 'you don't know anything, you've never had a child' thing. But actually, she can do whatever the fuck she wants to her own body. No skin off our backs.

To be quite frank, both options are a bit shit. Gutted the stork wasn't a viable choice.

Still in first page sorry but just, sierraspider oh my goodness you poor poor thing.

Of course that doesn't make you TPTP Jackie, I was referring to a specific person in my OP, not all women who have an ELCS, and more than anything it was her "tightness" comments that I found stupid.

By the way, I saw RedToothBrush threads on here and they helped a lot, and gave me courage... thank you!

Bless, I expect she is really young and naive. Just ignore any shite that comes out of her mouth.

I feel that TV and the media have made people unnecessarily scared of giving birth. Horrible birth experiences and screaming women make better TV than someone giving birth without any complications. I feel its horrible to describe someone as "too posh to push". Perhaps a kinder description would be "too scared (maybe with justification) to push". If someone is made ill because of their fear of pushing then a c-section (without physiological need) on the NHS is an act of kindness.

Birth is a rare event in most people's lives. In general it happens in hospitals and most people have never seen a baby being born. It is understandable that people are scared with all the horror stories on TV and the internet.

Lets be tolerant of other people's birth decisions. Its an intensely personal matter.

I had no problem getting the home birth I wanted. Let people who want an elective c-section have what they want.

About the comment on remaining tight down there, my mum told me that when she had my sister (40 odd years ago) she needed some stitches and the doctor doing them cheerfully told her that "Nearly done! Thats 3 stitches for you and 1 for your husband!"

Doctor was male, natch.

Some vaginal births are very complicated. My first one was, and left me battered, bruised cut (episiotomy) and torn. The stitches took months to heal, and in fact I would say it was six months before I could sit down comfortably again. Friends who had had c-sections recovered far more quickly and with fewer setbacks than I did.

Second vaginal delivery was more straightforward, but very painful of course and I was terrified of receiving similar injuries again. I didn't, but there was no time for pain relief and I hated it.

Third baby, became distressed at 35 weeks, waters broke and didn't tolerate attempts to get labour going, so emergency c-section was needed, and for me that was such a relief.

I am not too posh to push. I did it twice out of three. I would say though that if I could have my time again I would want c-sections for all three, because that was by far and away the best experience for me, and the one I recovered the quickest from (yes, really).

I suspect your colleague is speaking from potential fear of giving birth. That doesn't make her too posh to push, and it isn't a completely unfounded fear.

I think most young women are frightened of giving birth aren't they? I know I was a bit too
She's just ignorant about it because she actually doesn't know much about it yet, as I imagine most women who haven't had a baby yet are ignorant to it all

She's not been pregnant/given birth before so, any woman can talk as much absolute fraff as they like before it happens to them. & why not...?

OP, in the immortal words of my children, "you started it".

You start a slightly sneery thread and then tell other people not to overreact

I had two CSs and was very happy with my choice. I also have an overhanging tummy. On the other hand, I didn't have some of the dreadful experiences other women have had both with vaginal and with CS births. I can't conclude anything about anyone else's birth experience - only that I was happy with mine.

You cant tell how itll go either way...

my first, hideous vaginal birth, episiotomy, stitches(that were stitched too tight and later got infected) couldn't sit down for about 10 days, was in a lot of pain for 4/5 WEEKS after!! VS SIL who had a emcs and was really fine after, no pain, moving about etc, all good.

The rest of mine were fab, water births with just g&a, however my friend had a planned csec about 6m ago and ended up quite ill/infected stitches and had to go back into hospital to stay at about 5 days post op.

The major thing that's always put me off csecs is not being allowed/not being legal to drive for 6 weeks! that would kill me as im v independent and love driving, cant imagine not being able to drive for that long!!

I remember laughing my head off as a mother of two when my cousins pregnant wife said she couldn't wait for the baby to be born so her life could go back to normal :o

I bet she's forgotten it but it brightened up a dull day for me

Am I the only person who thinks the hideous comments and tight Danny comments are worse than the OP using the phrase "too posh to push"?
The woman the OP is referring to hasn't said (according to the OP) that she is terrified of giving birth vaginally due to psychological issues about childbirth, she has simply stated that she wants to keep her fanny tight and be able to rest after the birth. If she was genuinely terrified of childbirth then I could be more understanding but to give her reason as keeping a tight fanny to somebody who has given birth vaginally is tactless. I assume this woman would have no way of knowing if OP had 3rd degree tears or bowel in continence or no lasting problems and therefore her comments were rude and insensitive (and not wanted).

When I was 8 I was going to be a west.end actress with a flat in high street ken. I had no idea what being a grown up was would be like. This woman has no husband and isn't pregnant her ideas about pregnancy,child birth and marriage are just that ideas.

Are CS's actually offered as a "choice"?? It certainly used to be the case that they were for health reasons only; the "elective" part only related to the knowing in advance that one would be advisable, since they couldn't actually force it on you, iykwim, rather than allowing anyone who wanted it as a lifestyle choice.

Bogey, I was asked by a friend if I had an extra one for my husband. An older relative had given her the impression it was the done thing!

Super, you just put it more eloquently than me

Sorry but 'tight Danny' made me

She sounds misguided, but its her choice.

You are lucky you had a straightforward water birth. If I had to choose between an elective and a long horrible birth with intervention, I'd choose a section every time.

I had an elective with my second birth and it was a piece of piss. I'd do it again .

I support any woman's right to choose how she gives birth without judgment provided its an informed decision - whether it be a homebirth or an ELCS or anything inbetween. I think that's something worth getting 'worked up' over

See I would have felt quite judged by this woman's description on vaginal childbirth. As I say I don't care what people choose to do, but I di think this woman was wrong. Probably just a bit naive, but still.

Sorry but 'tight Danny' made me

Yes, after I posted it I realised and cursed MN for not having an edit function.