To be a blubbering mess?

[Glitterball86]

I was going to NC but I really didn't see the point people will probably judge me regardless

I am 28 my partner is 18, almost 19 we have been together for a year and a half.

Like any couple we have had our ups and downs but I do genuinely love him and , prior to our relationship, had been single for 5 years so wasn't afraid of being on my own.

On the whole we are very happy and I am pregnant with our first DC which we are both extremely happy/nervous/scared/excited about however last night he dropped the bomb that it would be better for our child if we weren't together that way our child wouldn't have to witness any arguments etc

Whilst I can understand his point of view, this has come out out of the blue and I feel extremely upset and have been a blubbering wreck all morning - as selfish as it sounds I have always made it clear that I would not chose to have a child for the sake of it and would like to bring a child up as part of a loving family unit

Whilst my 'idea' may just be that I really don't know who to turn to or what to say do or think anymore

As selfish as it sounds the thought of him being with anyone else makes me feel really sick and I don't want to lose him

Have not got anyone in RL to talk to as majority of my friends disowned me as they don't approve of the age gap in our relationship (so they can't really have been friends in the first place) and I am disappointed in myself for allowing myself to be in the position and really don't know what to do :/

FYI my ex is 38, he is equally as immature and doesn't have anything to do with my children. Some men are just wankers. I hope yours sees the light OP.

You have to let him go OP. You must have realised this was a huge risk getting pregnant with him so young and so early in your relationship.

Reading the OP and your replies makes me feel very uncomfortable. If genders were reversed there'd be talk of grooming especially as you moved in together so quickly.

Grooming?

Glitter ignore, he was an adult (is an adult) it's not grooming.

OP didn't you post a few weeks ago saying your boyfriend was controlling and what not and very unsympathetic? Sorry if I've got you mixed up with someone else.

Fucking hell.

I don't think of it as grooming but it does make me feel uncomfortable, sorry but I can't help it.

Only I think because my brother is 17 next year, to me and his family he should be at home, doing his a-levels and out with his mates. Certainly not settling down with a woman 10 years older, and diffo not planning a baby. He is still practically a kid himself. Although my mum's face would be a picture.

I don't imagine many mothers would want that for their son either to be honest, but grooming is a bit of exaggeration.

I apologise, grooming was the wrong word, but if someone posted that their 17 year old daughter was moving in with a 26 year old man and they were going to try for a baby very soon how would that thread go?

I'd ask MN to delete that post then NeerSnerr.

I don't think grooming is the wrong word. If a 17 year old girl got with a man ten years older than her who then started talking babies maximum a year later and got the girl trying for one and then pregnant? The responses would be incredibly different.

i also don't think his age is the sole reason for this reaction, as pp have said he's probably balking at the enormity of the situation and responsibility, who knows if he needs space to get his head round things or if it's a permanent decision but there's nothing you can do about that as it's down to him.

Try to look after yourself and make plans for the future, this kind of change of plan happens to many people and whilst it's heartbreaking your baby is the most important and that also means dealing with this responsibly and accomodating a healthy co-parenting unit for the baby if possible. Try to speak to someone in rl, maybe your family will be supportive rather than make comments

Grooming is maybe too strong a word, but I think it is exploitative, I dont think you will find too many people thinking that a 27 year old women dating a 17 year old lad is a healthy relationship.

@Number3

The thing is he was not an adult, he was 17 when they met, he could not legally buy a drink, vote or even buy a Game of Thrones DVD

I'm sorry you're finding yourself in this situation OP, and whilst pregnant.

But, you have to ask yourself, what on earth could you as a woman in her late twenties possibly have in common with a teenager? If he was in his twenties I could understand the age gap, but OP I take it he was still at school/sixth form when you got together? It surely can't come as a surprise that an 18 year old lad doesn't want the responsibility of a family?

You have to let him go. He's actually being quite mature in telling you how he feels now, and realising that the relationship can't continue. Hopefully he'll still be a father to your baby, but you have to start preparing for life as a single parent.

Actually it looks like OP started trying for a baby last June and she says he will be 19 'soon' so even if his birthday is May, he would only just have turned 18 when they started trying, and only been together for about six months or so.

Whilst this is going off on a tangent a bit, I do think it's relevant because OP might need to have a think about relationship choices and appropriate boundaries.

OP I would suggest talking to someone at the Pregnancy Advisory Service and seeing if you can get signposted towards counselling.

I do agree with posters about OP's boundaries and choices but I think, given that she is pregnant and in emotional pain, it would be good to stick to constructive advice.

I think Fairenuff's suggestion of asking PAS about counselling options is great.

Your boyfriend was 17 when you started to try for a baby, wasn't he? I just can't get my head around how you thought he was ready for a baby.

You've barely been together a year before getting pregnant, you've had ups and downs, arguments and yet you claim this baby was planned and wanted by you and your 18 year old boyfriend?!

You've made some very rash decisions here. Having a child puts huge strains on secure, happy relationships, and if he's panicking now that certainly isn't a promising sign for the future.

I think now you have to take the guy out of the equation and focus on yourself and your pregnancy. I would keep your distance from him for now and use any existing resources in terms of family, rebuilding relationships with friends, counselling etc to make some decisions about your future.

Also if your partner/ex really was your only real life support then again, that's something that needs to be addressed. You need to focus on rebuilding friendships/making new friends etc.

What on EARTH would a 26 year old woman see in a 17 year old boy??

This is surreal. All the flowery emoticons and sympathy when if the genders were reversed, everyone would be baying for blood!!

I know some older teens are "mature" but he is clearly not mature or a keeper. I personally see no wrong in age gap relationships but not with him being a teenager theres a big difference. if you were 40 with a 30 year old boyfriend but at that age its a bit much to move in together and get pregnant in 18 months ( infact I'd think that was quick regardless of age).

Baying for blood?! Give it a rest yourself.

Having boyfriends in their twenties was perfectly the norm for me and my friends back when we teens. No one batted an eyelid back then- specially when it was the male who was the elder of the two.

That's not to say any of us were daft enough to be having babies with them, mind (!)

What was the rush? You'd been together less than a year and were ttc, regardless of his age. But add that on and I wonder what on earth you were thinking.