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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH to get lost?

108 replies

TheMagnificientFour · 14/04/2015 19:35

Ok I would probably not say it that way but I'm serioulsy getting annoyed.

DH had 'organised' the weekends ahead (up to the end of May). It goes like this:

  • weekend 1: 1 full day doing his hobby, one day together doing an
admin (boring) stuff together
  • weekend 2: dc1 has a sport event. It has been assumed I'm taking him whilst DH and dc2 have a day out together doing activity 1. Following day is DH spend the day with both dcs doing activity 2.
  • weekend 3: Bank Hol. Apparently nothing planned
  • weekend 4: DH and dcs doing activity 2 together again.
  • weekend 5: DH and dcs to a concert and then possible activity 2 again (DH says they migt not have enough energy for that but dcs, of course, are very keen....). As the concert is about 2h00 away and in the direction of PIL, DH is plan is to go to his parents on the saturday and sleep there. I'm apparently suppose to take dc1 to his event, go to PIL so he can go to the concert and then... wait for him and the dcs to finish activity 2 the day after.
  • weekend 6: bank hol weekend. DH away for his hobby for the whole 3 days.

All activities that DH and dcs do together I can't do. It's all outdoorsy and I can't follow due to ill health.

Now DH is getting huffy becauae I'm saying that I don't want to be at home on my own most of the time and we don't spend any time together as a family. (1 dasy in tewo months)
It's dc2 birthday at the end of May so the only time we can do it is now the last weekend in May but DH is getting grumpy ''because I was thinking we could go camping together'. Why we can't go the weekend after, I don't know.

In effect, all the weekends are organised around his interests and hobbies and I feel left behind trying to patch tings up for the dcs. There is nothing left for me, like I didn't exist.

So WIBU to get lost and that we will do other things some of those weekends?

OP posts:
PekeandPollicle · 15/04/2015 21:58

My DH has a chronic disability which is only going to get worse. When we first met, we spent many happy weekends tramping over hills and looked forward to doing it with the children as we both love it.

As DH's disability has got worse, we've reduced a lot of the activities we do - we will do a long hilly walk one day and then have a day pottering at home for him to recover, we also tend to canoe rather than walk, as his disability mainly affects knees and ankles.

It sounds like your h is not prepared to adapt at all, mainly because he enjoys things as they are and perhaps manages to feel a bit self righteous about the fact that the children go with him so he is being helpful, even tho it undermines your family time.

Coyoacan · 15/04/2015 22:08

Thank you Glitterbelle. I couldn't believe some of the responses as I read this through, so completely unfeeling and, OP, I found your posts quite clear, tbh.

CocktailQueen · 15/04/2015 22:28

Op, I think you are being very reasonable and your dh is not. It sounds a though he is being very selfish. There are millions of activities you can all do as a family, and it sounds as though he's not listening to you at all. In our house we each check with the other before booking an activity, and we take it in turns to book activities we fancy. I think you need to sit your h down and spell out to him how much your illness is affecting you and how unfair he's being with all his weekend planning. Good luck with it,

HumphreyCobbler · 15/04/2015 22:33

I am not ill OP and I got your posts. Really, I think you were perfectly clear.

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2015 22:57

I agree, OP, I found your posts clear enough to follow. I have read much worse on MN!

Have you and your DH ever discussed counselling? It sounds like you could use someone to 'hear' you and interpret for your DH.

I agree that even a good partner can cope badly with living with someone with a chronic illness. It doesn't mean you need to make it better for him, bt perhaps some outside input would help him?

Original poster
TheMagnificientFour · 16/04/2015 09:35

Thanks for the confirmation my writting isn't that muddled up :)

Having someone to 'interpret' for DH isn't a bad idea actually. Maybe I could find someone who does that.

OP posts:
Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 16/04/2015 10:10

It sounds like your DH really doesn't get how unfeeling he is towards you. I think you need to insist that he comes to see a counsellor with you. You could explain everything that you said in your first post and tell him how your illness makes you feel and how unhappy you are in the marriage because of his lack of consideration towards you.

I have chronic health problems and my DH would not dream of behaving like your DH. He always attends my hospital appointments and would never be so disrespectful as to make so many arrangements that include activities I can't participate in. Sorry to say it but your DH doesn't sound like a nice person.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 16/04/2015 10:19

Rain, mud and cold are now seen as the 'norm when you do things' by the dcs.

we have a saying round here "no such thing as bad weather, just inappropriate clothing" so your OH isn't alone in that.

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