Yes I was 100% unreasonable, I just smacked my toddlers arm.

[Bumpandkind]

God, I feel awful. Making supper for Ds 21 months and like a twat I picked up a pan that had been in the oven and screamed in pain. Ds thought this was hilarious and started laughing. I got down to his level, told him it's not funny and smacked him on the arm. He looked so shocked and burst into tears. I don't know what came over me. I'm not a person to loose their temper or even shout at all. He's now happily eating and chatting away to me and although it seems he's forgotten already I certainly haven't. How can I make sure this doesn't happen again?

*baby or child

joyfull- I agree with your example of a person with dementia-n sorry launched into my example too soon before I caught up yours.

no.physically lashing out at someone because you are hurt is not a normal healthy thing to do

Although the analogy is useful, it would also be very weird to sit an elderly relative on the naughty step or force your wife's arms through a car seat harness. The role you play towards other adults is different to the role you play towards your own children because you mould and shape your children's behaviour, through educating and discipline, whatever form you choose. So it's right to be fair, consistent and patient (as far as a human can!) but also the benchmark of a good parenting response often wouldn't be whether it would be an appropriate response to another adult. (Not that anyone's saying it always is, just that parenting is a unique dynamic that's tough on the conscience at the best of times.)

You made one mistake it doesnt make you the devil.
Your baby is okay and you have expressed emotion of your mistake so you wont do it again or you will feel that bad emotion again, which you dont want.

murky_ you are missing the point. she lashed out at him because she was hurt, nor because he was naughty

But it is naughty to laugh at someone in pain that's how children learn empathy, OP don't beat yourself up you are obviously very remorseful there are times I have been close to smacking after being pushed to limit by dd, this thread is obviously full of perfectly controlled parents with perfectly behaved children

you smack a child into being empathetic? [HM

laughingcow- she didn't "lash out " though.
It was a measures response I got down to his level, told him it's not funny and smacked him on the arm..

She took time- she got down to his level, explained her view and then hit him. THis wasn't an instincive reponse.

Although the analogy is useful, it would also be very weird to sit an elderly relative on the naughty step or force your wife's arms through a car seat harness.

Well I wouldn't do these things to a child either.

Well aren't you self satisfied sanctimonious perfect?

The posters who insist on treating their kids like mini adults - no naughty step, no "because I say so", I imagine are the parents of some of the kids I teach who don't understand that you can't negotiate your way out of every situation, that an 8 year old's opinion doesn't carry the same weight as an adults, and sometimes you just have to suck it up because an adult wants you to... A delight, they are

fourteen- if you have such a limited understanding of parents who don't punish perhaps it's best that you stick to the technioques you do understand.

understand that you can't negotiate your way out of every situation, that an 8 year old's opinion doesn't carry the same weight as an adults

This demonstrates your poor understanding.

Raising kids without punishment does not mean no rules or boundaries.

Being an overly liberal parent may mean this, but you are confusing the two.

Mumsnet is an amazing place - it's full of perfect people who never do anything wrong. No doubt their children will all grow up to be saints and the world will be a better, happier place.

Obviously it's not right to hit a small child but having someone laugh at you when you're in pain is incredibly provoking. I don't condone you hitting your child but i do understand it. The people who give me the chills are those who smack children in cold blood because they think it's an acceptable method of discipline.

Pain can make you angry, dont beat yourself up too much. You know now what triggers your anger so can handle it differently next time.

Ive never smacked my dc, but once when i panicked that she'd put something in her mouth i bellowed "YOU STUPID GIRL" at her (she hadnt actually done it) and i felt terrible. Had no idea where it came from, and she was beside herself (only about 2). We all make mistakes with parenting the trick is to learn from them and not repeat!

I do thing a good point was made upthread though about why mothers can use excuses like 'I was in pain and snapped' to hit their child, but if a man said that in regards to hitting his wife he would be vilified.

Even lashing out at a dog is unacceptable- why is it Ok to hit children?

Actually, I would possibly have sympathy for someone losing it and lashing out at an adult with the likes of dementia, if it was a one off and out of character. I think most folk could be pushed to losing it at some point. Continuous lashing out is a different thing. Obviously the Op is sad for what she has done and doesn't want to repeat it again.

I've smacked my kids a few times, it's not how I want to parent and I felt awful after. but it happened when I was either shocked by fear or angry. My first ever post on Mumsnet was when I lost it with my 3 yr old and screamed at him whilst I was holding my young baby. I was struggling a little at the time. I was more horrified and worried at that then the few times I smacked them.