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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Yes I was 100% unreasonable, I just smacked my toddlers arm.

118 replies

Bumpandkind · 14/04/2015 18:28

God, I feel awful. Making supper for Ds 21 months and like a twat I picked up a pan that had been in the oven and screamed in pain. Ds thought this was hilarious and started laughing. I got down to his level, told him it's not funny and smacked him on the arm. He looked so shocked and burst into tears. I don't know what came over me. I'm not a person to loose their temper or even shout at all. He's now happily eating and chatting away to me and although it seems he's forgotten already I certainly haven't. How can I make sure this doesn't happen again?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 14/04/2015 19:02

This happened to me once. I accidentally sliced my finger while I was doing dinner and a teenager curled their lip, laughed and called me a silly cow.

My hand itched to slap him so hard in the immediate aftermath. I didn't but honestly I was furious.

You won't do it again, forgive yourself and move on

rebelfor · 14/04/2015 19:04

I see SaucyJack. And would you also smack a 21 month old baby if you'd hurt yourself? I'll say now, I can see myself lightly slapping a baby in the heat of the moment if they'd done something to endanger themselves, out of fright on my behalf, so I'm not condemning the OP. But hitting someone else because you've hurt yourself? No, I don't understand that. And those who do 'just lash out', I'd bet 99% wouldn't chop Mike Tyson if he was the one standing close by.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/04/2015 19:06

I would definitely chop Mike Tyson the convicted rapist if given a chance

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2015 19:06

Don't beat your self about it. Have a and

Momagain1 · 14/04/2015 19:12

My mom certainly smacked my teenaged brother when dad was working away for months, and he refused to do some chore because he 'had been at school and working out hard at football practise and she had just been sitting at her desk at work all day. He was more tired so she should do it!" The rest of us parted like the red sea to let her at him!

He is only 5'9" though.

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 14/04/2015 19:22

op. The fact you feel guilty is a good sign it won't happen again.

Lausarama · 14/04/2015 19:30

As others have said, don't beat yourself up OP. These things happen but you know it shouldn't have so you can move on.
Hope your hand is OK.

Morelikeguidelines · 14/04/2015 19:30

I would probably lash out an an adult who laughed at me in pain (especially a strapping six footer - such as my db who would laugh) but not a child. Adults irritate me more easily though!

(sorry entirely unhelpful and more of a response to pps)

Re your actual question is sounds like it's out of character so just don't repeat it (in nicest possible way)

Morelikeguidelines · 14/04/2015 19:32

I don't advocate hitting other adults though - just being honest that I might, or might want to.

Royalsighness · 14/04/2015 19:33

Don't do it again, don't hit a child for laughing, ever.

Coming to mumsnet to expect some sort of justification or sympathy for feeling bad is ridiculous, feel bad about it, don't hit them again. End of story

Joyfulldeathsquad · 14/04/2015 19:34

I think you should feel shit. And feel even more shit to come in MN and expect support over it

You smacked your toddler because you burnt yourself. Instead of running it under cold water, you took the time to kneel down take his arm and make him feel pain too.

Nice.

You won't be getting any support here.

AGirlCalledBoB · 14/04/2015 19:43

I am a little confused as to why you even smacked him.

He did not cause the pain, nor was he naughty. He laughed because of your reaction because at that age they do not have empathy or understanding of other people's feelings properly.

So why I don't think you should be kicked while you are down for smacking, there are quite a few after all who have done it, I am a little confused as to why your reaction was to smack your child for that.

Sandbrook · 14/04/2015 19:44

I felt sympathy for you until I read joys synopsis now not so much.
But hey you feel sufficiently guilty to make sure it doesn't happen again, use it

pinningwobble · 14/04/2015 19:50

Joyfull have you read the thread? The OP has had lots of sympathy.

Get over yourself.

Royalsighness · 14/04/2015 19:55

Smack a baby and get sympathy and support, but God forbid you give your child a fruit shoot or let them watch more than an hour of TV and you get fed to the Rancor!

ashtrayheart · 14/04/2015 20:05

Obviously yabu but I don't think you will do it again.

Missdread · 14/04/2015 20:05

So many holier-than-thous here. OP, you made a mistake and there's no shame in that. We've ALL had moments with children when we've lost it and shouted things we wished we hadn't. Good on you for admitting your error: I wish more people would!

pinningwobble · 14/04/2015 20:07

The OP feels terrible. We are not all perfect. Without being insensitive her child is not even going to remember this.

There's a massive difference between a momentary loss of temper and systematic abuse. As someone who works with children who are actually abused I find it sickening that perfectly normal parents like the OP get berated like they are the worst people in earth. Yes hitting children is wrong but a one off minor smack is really not going to do any lasting damage. Are the rest of you telling me you have never ever done or said something you regret in a temper?

Missdread · 14/04/2015 20:09

Put so much more eloquently than I could, pinningwibble!

Missdread · 14/04/2015 20:09

Pinningwobble, sorry!!!

ParkingFred · 14/04/2015 20:12

It was a horrible thing to do, you feel wretched, you have voluntarily put yourself in the MN stocks for us all to tell you off.

I bet you won't do it again

fulltothebrim · 14/04/2015 20:13

her child is not even going to remember this. If you are somone who works with abused children I am amazed that you find that is a valid reason.

Is ik OK to hit kids because they will be too young to remember it?

Chumpster · 14/04/2015 20:15

My word! OP smacked her 21 month old and felt terrible and has said she will never do it again. It was an irrational response to being laughed at when in pain. Of course it was the wrong thing to do, but haven't you read her posts. She knows it's the wrong thing to do. But people aren't perfect.
She will get support.
If she was regularly smacking she wouldn't, or could see nothing wrong with smacking then she wouldn't. But neither of these apply.
I think at least OP shows she can reflect on her behaviour and acknowledge that she needs to do better. Can we all say we do that well?

Focusfocus · 14/04/2015 20:17

YABU for posting this on AIBU where there will be plenty of folk coming and making you feel like you're a frightfully wrong person. You don't need that.

You got heir, someone laughed at you, not grounds for smacking, you know that, but you snapped for a second. He isn't going to be scarred for life. Be very kind to yourself. Next time you feel you've not been the very best mum at some point, remember aibu is unkind and often unnecessary.

pinningwobble · 14/04/2015 20:19

Fulltothebrim at no point did i say it was ok to hit children. My point was that as much as we like to get hysterical over this kind of thing I'm afraid the reality is this kind of incident is not going to do any lasting damage. We all try to do the best we can as parents but we are only human. The OP can only apologise and move on.

The OP feels horrendous about it. Believe me, most of the kids I work with don't have anyone who would even bother to consider them at all, let alone feel bad for hurting them (very badly in many cases).

As parents you are allowed to display anger and you are allowed to display sadness.

I do not like it when things get classified as abuse when they aren't. OP has a happy little boy. His mother made a mistake that she feels terrible about. That's it.

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