Yes I was 100% unreasonable, I just smacked my toddlers arm.

[Bumpandkind]

God, I feel awful. Making supper for Ds 21 months and like a twat I picked up a pan that had been in the oven and screamed in pain. Ds thought this was hilarious and started laughing. I got down to his level, told him it's not funny and smacked him on the arm. He looked so shocked and burst into tears. I don't know what came over me. I'm not a person to loose their temper or even shout at all. He's now happily eating and chatting away to me and although it seems he's forgotten already I certainly haven't. How can I make sure this doesn't happen again?

Hear hear chumpster and focus!

pinning I did not suggest that this is abuse.

I am simply very surprised that "not remembering" somehow diminishes an act.

According to my mother she still feels bad because she once lost her temper and smacked me with a hairbrush.

I don't remember that at all, she was a fantastic mum and we have a great relationship.

I'll tell you what I do remember, I remember never being allowed to display anger to my father or he would freeze you out solid for three weeks. I remember him locking me outside in the garden on my birthday and saying it was an accident. I remember him leaving my mother when I was twelve and us never having any money because of it.

My point is just because a child can't remember something doesn't make it ok, but it doesn't mean it's necessary to absolutely berate the OP for making a mistake. The stuff that scars you runs much deeper than a small smack.

Hahahaha I knew this would happen. Like clockwork.

Don't bother about the sanctimoaney-arses OP.

I'd hide the thread now. You've had as much use as you're going to get out of it.

Fourteen agreed!!!

Oh look, shit happens. I shouted at my son yesterday so loud it scared him; we were playing on the floor, and he and DD leaped on me, and flung their arms tightly around my neck.

I couldn't get a breath and got a wee panic on for a second, and shouted STOP IT! He got a fright, and I felt shit. But it's done.

Is ik OK to hit kids because they will be too young to remember it?

No one said this. But you cling tight to your sanctimony.

This sort of thing happens occasionally to all of us who are normal imperfect, human parents. i.e. everyone. Can anyone honestly hand on heart say they have never had a bad day/hour/minute and unfairly taken it out on their (very irritating, in the moment, even though completely developmentally normal and not at fault) child? The vast, vast majority of mothers and fathers have been there, whether with smacking, yelling, neglecting, martyrish nagging, cold anger, shaming, failing to discipline when discipline was sorely needed or some other sort of poor parenting. I have had terrible parenting moments with each of my 3 children, those times when I have acted out of character in ways that I heartily wish I had not, that remain etched on my brain with shame. As they should. But they are not the whole of me and in fact usually act as a big wake up call. I rarely repeat them- instead new disasters occur for me to ruminate guiltily about! tis life.

Well said sumo.

I think there's a difference between smacking a child as discipline for something wrong and smacking them because you had a rage.

Grays which do you think is worse?

I think there's a difference between smacking a child as discipline for something wrong and smacking them because you had a rage.

Yes and I think smacking in discipline is far, FAR worse.

OP was in pain and shock and acted out of character for a split second. She feels awful. Is it that hard to see how that situation happened? Smacking for discipline suggests a far more pre-meditated action, which is far more worrying

I thought that was obvious?

I'm not going to get into a debate about this because it gets heated. But smacking someone out of rage means you've lost control and you can go further than you would want to. A controlled smack (more like a tap when my parents did it) with an explanation why it has happened is completely different.

It's not obvious at all. I would argue smacking someone in order to discipline them is much more on the side of the abuse spectrum.

Snacking a child because you momentarily lost your temper and then bitterly regret it shows you actually do not have any sort of abusive mindset. Losing your temper is not a crime. It is part of being human.

Smacking a child deliberately to discipline them is calculated. It takes forethought. It's the kind of thing the kids I work with have been subjected to (on a large scale).

X post jacques but yes, exactly what you said

x posts.

Okay that's your opinion Jacques

I myself feel like I benefited from that method of discipline. I was never physically harmed. That isn't to say I would discipline my child in the same way as I would, but I think that's more down to people not finding it acceptable rather than me disagreeing with it

When you 'act out of character' or 'act for a split second' out of emotion, the consequences can be much worse. I think the defence for most baby shaking cases is 'I just flipped because they were crying' - acting out of rage and emotion.

.

This obviously is not compatible. But I wanted to make the distinction. The OP knows what she did was wrong and shouldn't feel guilty. Every parent makes mistakes and thankfully this one can be rectified.

Op don't best yourself up love. It happens.

grays I disagree I have slapped my older kids when scared, ds 1 ran into the road, and when angry dd3 bit dd4. I have never slapped 'in cold blood' as that's not in my nature.

I grew up in the 70s and was slapped by both my parents in anger and by teachers in cold blood.

The teachers were bullies. My parents weren't.

It's different.

'in cold blood'

for gods sake.

Oh ffs, OP every perfectly nice, loving, reasonable parent I know has at some point smacked their child. Me included. Maybe even out of anger!

It's not ok, it's not great parenting, but we all fuck up once in a blue moon.

I disagree, grays. I've never smacked my children but when I was smacked as a child I much preferred being lashed out at, even though it was confusing sometimes. Couldn't bear the controlled, cold come here you are going to be smacked and here is why thing. It upset me quite a lot, before, during and after. Something about waiting for punishment, I think, as my parents were both exploding bad tempered smackers as a rule so it only really happened when both me and my little sister were going to be hit so I had to wait my turn. I remember feeling really upset and horrified about that. I didn't like random you've pissed me off and I've lost it smacks either of course but they did feel more emotionally honest somehow. I knew the idiot parent concerned had lost it, quite often because I'd pushed them to the end of their rope.

Just read your last post and do see your points.

However there are levels of rage and control. A good parent can snap and smack once. Anything more is abuse.

But it is in cold blood if planned and carried out without any added factors like fear/rage.

That's frightening.

Sum

Absolutely yes spot on.

Pyjamas my siblings and I were smacked a few times as children. There were six of us. My mum raised us alone. She was loving and caring and still is but occasionally we were little shits and she lost her rag. I'm sorry but it was NOT abuse. I see abuse every day. Losing your rag occasionally and feeling about it is not abuse.

pinning

Not sure you have read my posts.

I smacked my older kids. Of course I lost it. I felt bad just like your mum.

What I don't like or agree with is smacking as a discipline in a controlled way, I had that at school In the 70s. That's abuse.

Please read my posts. I
Agree with you.