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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it suddenly ok to smoke in these circumstances?

111 replies

BeanCalledPickle · 12/04/2015 19:10

Restaurant at lunch. Extremely busy place with no chance of sitting anywhere other than booked table. They pack them in and we were at a small table with our elbows virtually touching the couple next door. They had a packet of fags on the table but I didn't think much of it. I used to smoke a lot but wouldn't have done while in such close proximity to people eating and also to someone three weeks off her due date which is my current state!

Ordered and food quickly turns up. Two mins after we start eating they light up. They are inches away and so I politely ask if they would mind not smoking. They react with 'oh that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. We are outside!!' To which I just politely say that I'm sorry to inconvenience them but I would like to eat without being in a cloud of smoke especially as I'm pregnant.

They huff and puff ( but do put their fags out) while we eat and because they are sat so close we are acutely aware of the comments and the moaning. They ask for the bill same time as us but then send it back and ask for more wine when they realise we are leaving. Many more comments about how they can now enjoy themselves.

I thought I had been reasonable in asking them politely not to smoke but when I mentioned this to friends later they said I should have sucked it up as we were outside and so its ok. Is it ok now? I wouldn't have done that in my smoking days. Not in such close proximity to anyone, especially not a massive pregnant woman! Am I just being over sensitive at the moment??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/04/2015 23:39

Lweji I'll grant you that I am splitting hairs Grin

But the reason is, so often on Mumsnet there's this over exaggeration about cigarette smoke that does the complainers no good at all, if they want to be taken seriously.

Cigarette smoke isn't pleasant and that in itself should be a good enough reason for people not to inflict it upon others.

But then you get the threads that are way OTT...like someone's neighbour is smoking in the privacy of their own home, and the person nextdoor is 'literally gagging' at the 'fug' that has passed through the party wall into their home.

No need to exaggerate at all really.

EvoraEvora · 12/04/2015 23:40

here we go again....

someone smokes near you and you don't like it... I'm not sure how it's infringing very much on your overall quality of life, get over it, move on, get a hobby...

PigletJohn · 12/04/2015 23:40

Being "outside" is not the same as being "in a smoking area"

Loletta · 12/04/2015 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigletJohn · 12/04/2015 23:48

" I'm surprised this one didn't."

We don't know what rules the restaurant had.

I am close to a restaurant with outside tables, some of them are non-smoking, and some are smoking permitted. It seems to be dependent on distance from doors and the family area.

Harverina · 12/04/2015 23:54

I know that sitting outside next to smokers for a hour or two isn't going to kill me. But it certainly doesn't make me feel very nice either. Dry throat, stinking clothes, tasting the smoke instead of your food Hmm

Boak.

So I will happily admit that I think smokers should be considerate when in a restaurant - even if they are outside it doesn't mean they should consider how their actions could effect people around them.

engeika · 12/04/2015 23:56

Many of these tables are, certainly when in a town or city, right on the road. No-one would suggest people shouldn't be allowed to drive.

We know about the dangers of poor air quality - it was so bad earlier this week that we were being advised not to exercise outside. Yet the same people who are full of vitriol about smokers usually do not think twice about sitting in traffic while pedestrians, (often the poor and the elderly) walk along pavements choked with exhaust fumes.

I am not pro-smoking but it is legal - as are many things which affect other peoples' health. Smoking just gets all the vitriol, (thus allowing other forms of damage to continue without judgement)

RonaldMcDonald · 12/04/2015 23:59

Loletta

I disagree. Restaurants and pubs/cafés very often have different policies regarding smoking. Your expectation is wrong in this set of circumstances and therefore invalid.
If they allow smoking they allow smoking

This isn't to say I enjoy it but it is to say that if it is allowed it is allowed.
If you don't like that fact choose other premises. Plenty of smokers will choose this establishment as they can eat drink and smoke outside freely.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2015 00:09

I'm an ex-smoker. I smoked back in the days when you could smoke on buses and trains, in restaurants, in pubs, in clubs. Halcyon days. Now, you can't smoke inside businesses, fair enough. Or on public transport. Or within a certain area of exits, or on the grounds of certain institutions. Hmm.

Now people don't want smokers to smoke; in their cars or flats or houses if they have children; or in their gardens of they have neighbours; or outside restaurants; or pub gardens; or in their own homes and gardens if someone else's PFBs are there.

I don't like smoke but FFS they're not licking my toast with cold sores.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2015 00:14

Precisely MrsTerryPratchett

EvoraEvora · 13/04/2015 00:14

"they're not licking my toast with coldsores"

I think I love you a bit, MrsTerryPratchett

Gralick · 13/04/2015 00:16

Oh, this is so annoying. Most of you probably don't realise that there are now lots of local laws against drinking on public property, plus a huge proportion of bars & restaurants won't let you take a drink off the premises anyway. If you want to share a drink and a fag, you HAVE to go somewhere that has outdoor seating.

Threads like this make me want to post something about other customers' awful children Grin We all have to put up with frustrating fellow diners sometimes - and if you can't stand smoke, sit inside!

Gralick · 13/04/2015 00:17

they're not licking my toast with cold sores Grin !

Icimoi · 13/04/2015 00:23

If you are in an area where smoking is allowed and the people choose to make use of this allowance I fail to see how they are selfish. Far from it. Asking someone to refrain from something that they enjoy and are allowed to do simply because it doesn't suit you is selfish. The OP could have waited for an indoor table or have asked to have been moved.

OP makes it clear that being moved wasn't an option. Why should OP be forced to move indoors because someone wants to indulge in the wholly unnecessary activity of blowing smoke over her?

I really don't get the MN idea that, because you are allowed to do something totally inconsiderate, you should have free reign to do so. The people on the next table were "allowed" to sit there farting, burping and slurping their food loudly. Would it be selfish to ask that they stop?

UnderTheDeepBlueSea · 13/04/2015 00:28

As a non smoker, I think they were in their right to smoke outside as it is becoming harder and harder to smoke in public places but it was pretty inconsiderate and rude to smoke next to a pregnant woman.

My DH smokes, he would probably move away if there were children or pregnant women in close proximately but otherwise he would light up as normal.

Harverina · 13/04/2015 00:28

But that's the whole point gralick. I am very aware of my children behaviour when we are eating out and wouldn't have them running wild (I won't lie and say they are quiet and eat all their meal while chatting quietly Wink)

But surely the whole point is to be aware of other people? And not just do what you want?

Icimoi · 13/04/2015 00:29

Engelka, that's a classic non-argument that is always brought up in these threads. The fact that there are or might be other sources of air pollution doesn't justify adding to it, and it especially in no way justifies smoking in the close vicinity of other people trying to enjoy a meal.

It's something I feel quite strongly about because I remember the time when smoking in pubs and restaurants was permitted. Many a meal out was utterly ruined for me by this, and I hated going home with my clothes and hair stinking of second hand smoke. Now things have changed, smokers still seem to have that sense of entitlement about the right to blow smoke over others whenever there isn't an express prohibition in place. Sorry, if your wholly unnecessary habit is liable to make life uncomfortable for other people, ordinary consideration demands that, at the very least, you do your best to minimise that.

Harverina · 13/04/2015 00:29

And yes it may be legal but it doesn't make it ok.

hennybeans · 13/04/2015 08:13

I'm (obviously the only one) surprised that smoking in a restaurant's outdoor seating area is legal. I would have thought it was illegal because I was under the impression that smoking in all work areas was outlawed. I guess because it's outside the smoke magically evaporates before anyone can inhale it. Hmm
As a pp said, it's true that non-smokers probably don't fully understand how much smoking is an ingrained habit. But likewise, I don't think many smokers understand how awful cigarette smoke is to those who are not used to it. I don't have asthma and am in normal health, but I would find it nearly impossible to sit right next to someone smoking. My eyes burn and water, my throat stings and gets sore, I certainly wouldn't taste any of my food, and I would have to wash all my clothes. And I'm not even pregnant like the OP.

In the OPs situation, I would have asked the management discreetly if smoking was allowed. If yes, I frankly would have left and told them exactly why. It would have ruined the meal (assuming part way through), but so would sitting next to smokers or next to someone cross with me because I asked them to stop smoking.

Loletta · 13/04/2015 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanFuckingTastic · 13/04/2015 10:11

I would not smoke in a restaurant setting, even if it was outside, it's inconsiderate to other diners when they have their food. Smoking and eating, bleurgh!

hellsbellsmelons · 13/04/2015 10:31

This was a topic last week.
Link to the thread is HERE
As a smoker there is no way I would light up next to people eating.
It's just good manners.

BrianButterfield · 13/04/2015 10:37

If we're just talking about things it's legal to do, it's perfectly legal for kids to shout and run about in restaurants, too!

Radiatorvalves · 13/04/2015 10:59

^

What Henny said. And Loletta re belching and farting! Grin

Stopandlook · 13/04/2015 11:09

It's not very nice, but I would have not said anything although knowing me would have passively aggressively shot them filthy looks Best to leave and eat elsewhere I guess.