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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandson's Football - Whole Family Affair

355 replies

Chellors123 · 12/04/2015 12:21

In-laws have a history of 'overbearing' behaviour and crossing boundaries into parenting with my DS, they are both retired and are keen to be involved with everything we do which drives me nuts.

DS has started playing football and has a match every week. I enjoy going with DH and other DS, we meet up with the other mums/dad etc and its become quite a social thing. So now PIL's also want to come every week and text/ring us constantly to find out what time the game is and when they do come MIL spends most of match chatting to the other mums (which winds me up as I see this as another example of muscling in) meanwhile FIL is shouting instructions to the team! PIL's spent 20 years watching their DS play football everyweek and I just feel this is now my turn with my DS. I have no problem with them watching DS just not every week,

DH thinks IABU and says 'just let them get on with it' and doesnt see my problem, anyway we have had a massive row as we tried the dodge the calls/text route hoping they would get the message but we just got more calls/text/asked more. DH really shouted at me saying I dont understand it puts him in an uncomfortable position as he doesnt want to avoid calls and now we are not speaking. I do feel bad, am I being unreasonable to feel strongly about this and should I just back down for DH's sake?

OP posts:
shirleybassy · 12/04/2015 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Chellors123 · 12/04/2015 16:55

Thank you floristry Smile

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 16:56

Floristry you sound very bitter, are you?

FloristryCommission · 12/04/2015 16:59

Not bitter, just not sure why my in-laws would want to be so involved in OUR life. I'm quite independent and don't take kindly to having to share 'my family' time with them.

RoseWithAThorn · 12/04/2015 17:01

Not bitter, just not sure why my in-laws would want to be so involved in OUR life.

Perhaps because you married their son? Hmm

Hakluyt · 12/04/2015 17:02

"Not bitter, just not sure why my in-laws would want to be so involved in OUR life. I'm quite independent and don't take kindly to having to share 'my family' time with them."

But it would be different if your own family were nearer?

shirleybassy · 12/04/2015 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 17:05

This is kids football, hardly the crime of the fuckin' century if gp's want to watch on a Sunday morning on a public field for 20.90 minutes [depending on age].

If Gran was calling the Ref a cunt or Grandad accused the Striker of being a cheat I could understand OP's desire to keep them away but I don't think that's the case is it?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 17:07

Floristry is there a dh/dp in your life who does see his parents?

bigTillyMint · 12/04/2015 17:07

I can see how every week would piss you off. Once a month, but not every week.

No idea how you stop them though. Maybe they will get bored with it, especially in the cold/wet/windy/winter! And as your DS gets older/they get older they may lose interest too.

FloristryCommission · 12/04/2015 17:09

I doubt it'd be different if my family were closer, my family are not in each other's pockets, yet are there for each other if needed.
I will not be one of these matriarchal MILs when my DC have husbands/wives, that's for sure.

RoseWithAThorn · 12/04/2015 17:11

If Gran was calling the Ref a cunt. Grin This really did make me LOL. My MIL did once. She was 76 at the time and I'd never heard her swear ha ha.

drudgetrudy · 12/04/2015 17:11

Still you have not said whether your son likes them to be there.
It could be so nice for him to know all his family are taking an interest.
You are making it about you.
Perhaps the background relationship problems are making you sensitive.

It does sound insecure to view her talking to the other Mums as muscling in-unless she is saying anything embarrassing or obviously "wendying" you.
I guess though that she is just being pleasant and has no interest in forming friendships with them which involve seeing them elsewhere.

Tutt · 12/04/2015 17:11

They are doing it for their GS and when he's your age and they have probably gone he will remember them being there and that he had so much love and support around him, it isn't about you or you DH OP this is for your DS.
I can't think of anything nicer than to grow up knowing that all the important people cared enough to give up time to see me doing what I love!

FloristryCommission · 12/04/2015 17:12

Yes my DP has parents who he sees regularly.

Songlark · 12/04/2015 17:12

I've got daughters, and I've always been included and wanted in grandchildrens lives, I do feel sorry sometimes for paternal grandparents. They tend to get left out a lot.

Hakluyt · 12/04/2015 17:17

"Yes my DP has parents who he sees regularly."

Do your children have grandparents who they see regularly?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 17:17

floristry but you do sound like one of those matriarchal mothers who sounds equally as difficult.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 17:18

*sound

BIWI · 12/04/2015 17:18

This is so sad. Your parents in law, just like your parents, are your family.

In what way is their regular attendance to support your DS in his football matches 'muscling in' on your parenting?

FloristryCommission · 12/04/2015 17:19

I really hope you do make your point Chellors123, or this could be spoiling your enjoyment for a long time.
As you say, once a month would be fine, every week is ridiculous.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 17:19

Football is a spectator sport, people are supposed to watch and children enjoy it more when there are lots of people cheering them on.

It's a sad day when you turn up for a match and only a few supporters are there.

TendonQueen · 12/04/2015 17:21

I do see your issue here OP and I think you've had harsh replies because people are not putting this in context. As part of a drip drip drip of inserting themselves into your lives as extra parents it looks quite different.

Some things that have been ignored so far:

MIL spends most of the match chatting to other spectators. This suggests to me she's not there avidly watching her grandson's every move, but is trying to take over the social side / push the OP out.

The OP said her DH shouted at her over this and said she was making things awkward. Is everyone cool with that? Because I'm not. I don't think it sounds like a shouting offence. And I think he should at least try to compromise between his wife's views and his parents. Sounds as if they get it all their way and OP is expected to put up and shut up.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 17:23

spoiling your enjoyment for a long time

Do me a favour! Isn't it about the kids.

Stand away from the dreaded In Laws ., you don't have to stand by them, it's not the law Wink

FloristryCommission · 12/04/2015 17:24

Not regularly as in every Thursday etc, but yes, they see their paternal grandparents often. Neither the in-laws or the DC are deprived of each other's company. I am loathe to encourage regular set days/events or it ends up being set in stone and MIL gets ever so offended if I then want to change the routine Hmm