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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad with dp for texting instead of dtd?

111 replies

bexlass24 · 12/04/2015 10:47

Am raving but dp says I'm completely out of order. Help needed! Last night for the first time in months dp and I had the house to ourselves. All (teenage) dc's were out overnight for various reasons. We went out for the evening and (anyone with dc's will know how difficult it is to maintain any sort of sex life with a housefull) on coming home we went to bed. Assuming he had the same thoughts as me I turned to look alluringingly at him - only to find him texting! I decided to sleep in one of the kids rooms as I didn't want an argument at that time of night. Thought that in the morning I might feel differently. I didn't. So when he got up it flared up and he said I was being ridiculous. We are now not speaking. AIBU?

OP posts:
letscookbreakfast · 12/04/2015 12:04

You sound like you wanted a fight and I feel sorry for your husband.

If this was me and my partner and she tried to 'get what she wanted' then she wouldn't be sleeping in the kids bedroom.

shewept · 12/04/2015 12:05

Jesus yabu. Firstly he was texting your dd for a reason. Did you want him to say 'sorry dd can't reply mum and I are just about to get it on'?

Secondly you say he has problems in that area so throwing an alluring look then telling him to either stop texting or leave the room isn't going to help.

Also, what if he just didn't fancy doing it? Especially considering the 'problems' you mentioned. Or do men have to do it as and when their wives make the slightest hint? They don't get choice, like we expect women have?

Sorry op yabu.

hoobypickypicky · 12/04/2015 12:07

"I think he was U if he continues to text after you made it clear that you wanted to DTD."

What the fuck, Amy?

That's frankly one of the most horrible things I've heard on MN in a long while.
So she makes it clear she wants sex and he is unreasonable not to stop what he's doing and provide it??

Try saying that on the Relationships board when a woman posts about her husband wanting sex when she doesn't. You'll soon - and deservedly -get your arse handed to you on a plate.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/04/2015 12:22

SycamoreMum Sun 12-Apr-15 11:10:56

I wouldn't have let a phone get in the way hmm I would have got what I wanted (dear God that sounds a bit aggressive) but yeah...

Vile. Your post makes me feel absolutely sick.

ilovesooty · 12/04/2015 12:24

Agreed. Just reverse the sexes to see how utterly abusive that sounds.

Original poster
bexlass24 · 12/04/2015 13:04

Spot on AmyElliotDunne. I said that to him this morning. I tried to tell him that last night he made me feel like the most unattractive woman in the world. We get so little time to ourselves, and I felt very resentful that any of our precious time would go to waste. We used to have a great sex life but over the last year or so it has dwindled to almost nothing and I miss it. He has "problems" and won't go to the doctor or anything.

OP posts:
Golferman · 12/04/2015 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bexlass24 · 12/04/2015 13:17

Thanks for taking the time to comment posters. It really helps to put this into perspective, also some posters have put a smile back on my face. Grin

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 12/04/2015 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shewept · 12/04/2015 13:31

He made you feel unattractive because he was speaking to your dd, rather than jumping in you because you gave him an alluring look? Really?

He didn't make you feel anything, the situation is what it is. If you feel unattractive because he didn't notice your alluring look, then the problem is closer to home.

He should have to have sex with you, if he doesn't (at the moment want to) so you feel good about yourself.

shewept · 12/04/2015 13:32

He should not

HagOtheNorth · 12/04/2015 13:38

'I work on Sunday's so had to ask him several times to stop texting or go out of the bedroom so I could get some sleep'

Is that an invitation to enthusiastic sex? Confused
Perhaps try something more obvious, like 'Please stop texting because I want to make wild monkeysex with you and I'm worried the screen will crack.'

PinkSquash · 12/04/2015 13:39

Does sex make you feel attractive? YABVU

GlitzAndGigglesx · 12/04/2015 13:43

Tbf you probably would've thrown a paddy if he straight up said he didn't wanna bang. The poor sod can't win

paxtecum · 12/04/2015 13:43

Op: I don't think your DH wanted to dtd at all.
He could have texted DD earlier.

You have been given quite a hard time on here, maybe it would have got better replies in Relationships.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/04/2015 13:45

You stormed out of the room because he was on his phone.!!!
HAd you waited for him to come off his phone. You might have got your shag.
I think you win the over reaction of the week hAnds down

crje · 12/04/2015 13:50

Ye need to communicate

Did he know this was a ' shag night'
Or did he think it was a 'relaxing night' without kids.

My Dh would need notice if I had expectations of a night.
Unfair not to let him know.

DoTheDuckFace · 12/04/2015 13:55

Did you actually expand on your alluring look, because if someone was telling me they wanted to get some sleep I wouldn't take that as an invitation to have sex .

DuckChowMein · 12/04/2015 14:02

fuctifino Maybe he mistook your alluring look for wind Grin

Fuctifino has a point. Have you tried it in front of the mirror to see how it looks? Grin

Crocodopolis · 12/04/2015 14:52

Massive overreaction.

drbonnieblossman · 12/04/2015 14:58

You missed out on lovely sex because you threw a strop. Yabu

Gruntfuttock · 12/04/2015 15:04

Dear OP,

Your behaviour was absolutely ridiculous! Really really crazy.

Oh, and absurd too.

Yours caringly,

Gruntfuttock Smile

googoodolly · 12/04/2015 15:13

Wow. How is telling someone to stop texting or leave the room an invitation for them to have sex with you?! If DP told me stop texting or leave, I'd probably leave, tbh Hmm

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/04/2015 22:48

So - you think he was using the phone as an excuse to not DTD, because he's worried about his problems? Cos I do...

ramanoop · 12/04/2015 23:00

"As for dtd, he has "problems" in that area" - I suspect you may be the cause.