Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To be mad with dp for texting instead of dtd?

111 replies

bexlass24 · 12/04/2015 10:47

Am raving but dp says I'm completely out of order. Help needed! Last night for the first time in months dp and I had the house to ourselves. All (teenage) dc's were out overnight for various reasons. We went out for the evening and (anyone with dc's will know how difficult it is to maintain any sort of sex life with a housefull) on coming home we went to bed. Assuming he had the same thoughts as me I turned to look alluringingly at him - only to find him texting! I decided to sleep in one of the kids rooms as I didn't want an argument at that time of night. Thought that in the morning I might feel differently. I didn't. So when he got up it flared up and he said I was being ridiculous. We are now not speaking. AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

bexlass24 · 12/04/2015 11:06

I didn't "strop off" straight away. I work on Sunday's so had to ask him several times to stop texting or go out of the bedroom so I could get some sleep (as he wasn't interested in anything else). As paxtecum says, "phones interrupt everything in our lives".

OP posts:

SycamoreMum · 12/04/2015 11:10

I wouldn't have let a phone get in the way I would have got what I wanted (dear God that sounds a bit aggressive) but yeah...

Casmama · 12/04/2015 11:11

I think if he was continuing to text despite you asking him several times to stop then YANBU. Who exactly was he texting at that time of night anyway?

Nayville · 12/04/2015 11:12

Why didn't you say "shall we dtd then" or perhaps more alluring words to that effect

..I myself prefer to just get straight to the point - pun intended

fuctifino · 12/04/2015 11:13

Maybe he mistook your alluring look for wind

PureMorning · 12/04/2015 11:14

Why not just say 'put the phone down we are going to have sex'

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 12/04/2015 11:14

Seems a bit shit. Also why do you have to wait until the house is empty in order to have sex? Can't you do it quietly?

Nayville · 12/04/2015 11:15

PureMorning that has really made me laugh. I love the assertiveness

Original poster

bexlass24 · 12/04/2015 11:18

He was texting dd, she has been away for a few days and is back this morning. This morning when we argued he said he was texting to tell her to let him know what time she was due back. I said she would want picking up so would text in the morning anyway and certainly didn't need a text to remind her. As for dtd, he has "problems" in that area that are not helped by having a housefull most of the time. I suppose I got angry cause I felt we were missing a great opportunity.

OP posts:

AmyElliotDunne · 12/04/2015 11:18

I think he was U if he continues to text after you made it clear that you wanted to DTD. My DP will play on his phone while I'm in the bathroom but as soon as I get into bed he drops it like a hot potato and I would be upset if I was obviously waiting for him and he was too busy texting other people.

However, if your 'come-on' involved an alluring look and the phrase "stop texting or go out of the bedroom so I can get some sleep" I can see why he might have missed the subtle cue for sex.

As with most things, you need a conversation. Something along the lines of "DH I was disappointed that you didn't seem to want to take advantage of our rare night out by ending it with bang. I was up for it, but you seemed distracted by your phone and it made me feel unattractive/unwanted. How about tonight we leave the phones downstairs?" and see what he says.

It sounds like your self-esteem has taken a knock and he needs to show that he does want to have sex with you.

Penguinsaresmall · 12/04/2015 11:22

Hmm yes Yabu. Initially I thought this all sounded a bit funny nuts, but after reading your last post I'm feeling sorry for your h - if he's having 'problems' in that area, the lat thing he needs is you demanding he gets to it then stropping off if he doesn't. No wonder his nob has gone on strike

EchoOfADistantTide · 12/04/2015 11:22

I can't see anywhere that you let him know you wanted to DTD. Telling him to stop texting or go to another room are not phrases I would use to let DH know I was up for it.

It just looks like you're pissed off at him for not reading your mind.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/04/2015 11:26

Does he not have a choice then? Women do so why not him? If you were a man posting, you'd have your arse handed to you. I feel sorry for your husband quite honestly and yes, you are being out of order.

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 12/04/2015 11:32

I can understand why you're frustrated.
But.
You can hardly expect him to perform to order. He might have been feeling the weight of expectation, which is a guaranteed one-way ticket to Flopsville.

Smoorikins · 12/04/2015 11:33

'missing a 'great opportunity' - how long does it take him to send a text?

YAB a loon.

If he is expected to perform on demand, it's maybe little wonder he has problems in that area...

Icimoi · 12/04/2015 11:37

How long does it take him to compose a text saying "DD, let me know when you are due back", FFS? From the sound of it, if you had to ask him to stop texting several times he was taking around 5 minutes over each word. It sounds like he was avoiding dtd.

ChipDip · 12/04/2015 11:38

Yabu totally ridiculous. You assumed? Why didn't you just speak to him about it.

peggyundercrackers · 12/04/2015 11:43

I agree with lying, if this was a man posting he would have his arse handed to him. Same with the posters who think they are being assertive, I can imagine someone posting saying my DH said he was going to get what he wants no matter what and I didn't want it... There would be outrage... Never mind, the two faces of MN

Sierraspider · 12/04/2015 11:47

yabu.... you should of distracted him....

DarthVadersTailor · 12/04/2015 11:50

Sounds like you're a bit high strung OP, and that you need that lay badly!!! Next time try seduction rather than a strop and you might feel better

Fatstacks · 12/04/2015 11:56

Another ideal opportunity missed to drop the underused and, frankly, epic line.

Oil! Wanna shag?

Lessons will be learned eh OP?
this is exactly the kind of mardy huff I get myself into

keepsmiling2015 · 12/04/2015 11:56

Yabu

clam · 12/04/2015 12:00

PMSL at "alluring look."

hoobypickypicky · 12/04/2015 12:02

"I think if he was continuing to text despite you asking him several times to stop then YANBU."

Erm, Casmama, he's her husband, not her ten year old. Ask, by all means. Ask once. He doesn't need asking to stop carrying out a harmless activity several times. If the answer is no the first time then the normal, adult thing to do is to accept it, not to keep asking and certainly not to flounce and strop over it.

YABU OP.

shewept · 12/04/2015 12:02

Jesus yabu. Firstly he was texting your dd for a reason. Did you want him to say 'sorry dd can't reply mum and I are just about to get it on'?

Secondly you say he has problems in that area so throwing an alluring look then telling him to either stop texting or leave the room isn't going to help.

Also, what if he just didn't fancy doing it? Especially considering the 'problems' you mentioned. Or do men have to do it as and when their wives make the slightest hint? They don't get choice, like we expect women have?

Sorry op yabu.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread