Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? .....who is supposed to sit in the passenger seat!?

107 replies

jubilee69 · 12/04/2015 00:11

OK....my first MN post so please bear with....night out at family friends house with DH, teenage DS and DD in tow. DD was working so DH was driving and not drinking. Me=couple of wines Smile he picks up DD, couple of hours socialising then home time. DD climbs in passenger seat. I asked to sit in, she not happy and not happy to move into back. Says she called 'shotgun'!!! AIBU?! Am 5 weeks off anti depressants and feeling super sensitive as it is. Had an hour of DH and SIL questioning/ discussing merits of me working pt whilst she 'manages to do everything so can't see why you can't ' type of conversation so wasn't feeling great as it wasSad thank you MN xxxxThanks

OP posts:
Pooka · 12/04/2015 00:15

I have sometimes sat in the back while dd sits in passenger seat - mostly on long car journeys so I don't have to crane my neck to deal with younger dcs, and that craning always leads to hideous sicky headaches for me. For long journeys its best that I sit in the back or drive.

But as a principle, if I want to sit in the front I do.

cleanmyhouse · 12/04/2015 00:15

You get to pull rank as the parent and sit in the front. End of story.

Also SIL should button it. My exSIL once told me i was being dramatic when i had PND. We didn't get on after that.

MillionToOneChances · 12/04/2015 00:16

The adult sits in the front, unless you're feeling particularly kind (which I never am). If all adults, the owner of the car or partner of the owner, unless another passenger is elderly in which case they take precedence. I'm not bloody racing my children to the front seat thank you very much.

BinaryBunny · 12/04/2015 00:16

Errrr, she should have moved. But kids think "shotgun" is
It's not something to get upset over

BackforGood · 12/04/2015 00:16

Whoever gets there first, in our house.

There's no 'supposed to' about it.
I used to sit in the back to fit between two carseats when they were little,
Then I sat in the back on long journeys as dc2 used to get car sick in the back and I'd prefer to sit in the back than clean up sick
Then I sat in the back as there were less fights between them if one was in the front
Then I sat in the back as ds is just too big and takes up too much room.
Now I tend to just out of habit Grin

I've got enough things to nag them over - I couldn't get worked up about who sits where in the car on the way home from a party.

Lweji · 12/04/2015 00:17

The car belongs to you and your OH. Either of you sit where you want. End of.
Your DD picks up her seat after you.

Canyouforgiveher · 12/04/2015 00:17

In our family (teenage children too), they call shotgun on each other but certainly not on me or dh. The adult who owns the car sits in the passenger seat unless he/she lets the teenager sit there instead. Also any other adult who we are giving a ride to, would be in the passenger seat ahead of them.

In your situation I would have just laughed at my daughter and said please get out of my seat.

Sorry you are supersensitive and sorry you had to listen to your sil blowing her own trumpet (I'd have shut down that conversation too and told them, my working hours aren't up for discussion, now what did you think of Andy Murray's legs in that kilt??)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/04/2015 00:17

When she pays for the car, she gets to choose who sits where. Until then, you do.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 12/04/2015 00:18

You get to pull rank. I do allow Dd to get in front if I'm tired.

I would have dragged her out

CaptainHolt · 12/04/2015 00:19

In our family (teenage children too), they call shotgun on each other but certainly not on me or dh.

Me too. The eldest two squabble like crazy with each other but they know if they tried it with DH or I then they'd have their arse handed to them.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 12/04/2015 00:21

I take it the car belongs to DH and you? Not your DD? Tell her when she pays for, taxes, maintains and drives a car herself then she can sit in any seat she wants. Until then she can feck off with the shotgun rubbish and show some respect to her mother.

Your DH need to support you more, your SIL can also mind her own business.

Have a chocolate Cake and a Brew and try not to let it get to you.

Original poster
jubilee69 · 12/04/2015 00:22

ooh you lovely ladies for replying!!!! what a nice feeling Thanks Smile thank you one n all!!!
yes, SIL mouthy madam.
Yes, spent lots of time sitting in back!!!
Yes, super super sensitive at the mo and need get a grip to either laugh it off or tell DD to bugger off. just unsettled by the convo this evening Confused
Didn't expect any replies so all much appreciated, thank you x

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/04/2015 00:23

I would have said 'get in the back or you're walking'. And your DH should have told her to get out too. Bloody cheek

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2015 00:23

Until she's old enough to buy her own car, she sits where you tell her to, or she makes her own way home from work.

Same as your house. I'm sure you wouldn't let her call 'shotgun' on whatever bedroom she fancied sleeping in?

Original poster
jubilee69 · 12/04/2015 00:25

car belongs time and DH. DD currently not paying towards car so yes, will beef up and tell her to rod off next time! DH not that sportive tbh, he thinks DD is an angel Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
jubilee69 · 12/04/2015 00:26

oooh you MNers re solo feisty, love it!!! Thanks Wine thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
jubilee69 · 12/04/2015 00:27

**should have read: are so feisty

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 12/04/2015 00:27

I drove DH and MIL last week. She added if she could sit in he don't, I said "I'm sitting in the front, who else sits there is between you two" he was annoyed she sat in the front, but would never tell her that.

Lweji · 12/04/2015 00:28

If your DH doesn't support you on this, maybe make him ride at the back next time you are driving.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/04/2015 00:30

Tell your thoughtless, selfish DH and DD that you want proper consideration, support and respect from now or you're off! And SIL can fuck right off too Grin

Original poster
jubilee69 · 12/04/2015 00:31

Lewji he wouldn't Ming though Angry

OP posts:
taxi4ballet · 12/04/2015 00:31

Generally driver + OH in front and others in the back. Unless...

Another passenger is particularly tall & long-legged or
Elderly/disabled etc or
Gets car sick in the back

Original poster
jubilee69 · 12/04/2015 00:32

**mind
OMG will get reported for obscenities at this rate Grin

OP posts:
Lweji · 12/04/2015 00:33

Obscenities are fine.

Debinaround · 12/04/2015 00:34

UANBU
I do not put up with that shit anymore.

When me and DH first got married we had to share a car which was actually mine. (His had to be scrapped as it wasn't worth fixing after it failed the MOT)
Twice he picked me up from the metro station when I finished work with DSS in the front. The first time I asked him to get in the back and got no support from DH and my DSS refused to shift. When we got home I told DH in no uncertain terms it was not to happen again.

The second time it happened I went ape shit and he moved! DH crapped himself and has backed me up every time DSS has tried to jump in the front since.

He hasn't tried that trick for a few years but MIL always let's him sit in the front.