AIBU? .....who is supposed to sit in the passenger seat!?

[jubilee69]

OK....my first MN post so please bear with....night out at family friends house with DH, teenage DS and DD in tow. DD was working so DH was driving and not drinking. Me=couple of wines he picks up DD, couple of hours socialising then home time. DD climbs in passenger seat. I asked to sit in, she not happy and not happy to move into back. Says she called 'shotgun'!!! AIBU?! Am 5 weeks off anti depressants and feeling super sensitive as it is. Had an hour of DH and SIL questioning/ discussing merits of me working pt whilst she 'manages to do everything so can't see why you can't ' type of conversation so wasn't feeling great as it was thank you MN xxxx

The oldest passenger gets priority after spouses.

My children fight to be in the third row, not the front!

Adults sit in the front, kids in the back.

I have 2 boys and our arrangement is that the outward journey DS1 sits in the front, DS2 sits in the front on the return.

But if there is another adult, they both sit in the back. End of!

OP, your DD's bizarre powerplay behaviour is astounding. Don't stand for this shit. If your DH is supporting it then don't stand for that shit either.

To all the posters who've never heard of 'shotgun' - what about 'bagsy'?

BackForGood I am fairly certain this is the only thing I do by age that doesn't matter.

In my little Fiesta, the 5yo is in the back in his isofit fixed seat no not negotiable. The 8yo is always in the back too, on her seat. This is regardless of who else is in the car.

The 11yo and 13yo used to fight like hell so I brought in the age rule. I frequently go out without all 4 so dc1&2 both get a fair shot at the front seat.

By the time dc4 is out of a car seat, I'm hoping dc1 will be doing all the ferrying about for me anyway

Owners of the car get to say who sits where.

For us, that means either I or dh drives, the other sits in the passenger seat unless that person decides someone else should. In my case, I allow anyone particularly tall to sit at the front and go at the back. If I am driving and have 4 children in the car (dc plus friends), I decide which one goes at the front (the one least likely to bother me, usually)

My DC are all adults.

My eldest tried this when he grew taller than me.

I sit in the front. I pay for the car, they sit in the back.

Hmm, sorry to hear I was right! You need to get your DH to stop supporting your DD in undermining you then, Jubilee - it's setting up more trouble for the future. :(

Is your DH aware of this not so subtle powerplay?

Holy shit what's the big deal about sitting in the front?

Thumbs oh I think he is yes, but prefers to ignore

Holy shit what's the big deal about sitting in the front?

For most people, ventilation, leg room, watching the road, talking to the driver (usually the partner).

But the point is that front or back, the OP, as co-owner of the car, should sit wherever she pleases, and certainly choose ahead of anyone else.

Hmm, he needs to sort out his priorities - he's her father, not her best buddy - you are his partner, not her.

Holy shit what's the big deal about sitting in the front?

maybe ask this of the 18 year old dd who doesn't own the car but barges ahead of her mother into the front seat.

If it doesnt matter then the 18 year old wouldn't care. That she claimed the front seat from her mum like you'd claim the first ride on the swings indicates that it did mean something to her and it should mean something to her mother that she is being relegated to second best seat.

If it's your car you get to sit in the front.

This is probably u of me but hate to see a teenage / young adult ds in the front while his mum sits behind. I just think the seats move forward and back so being taller doesn't put you in the front. This is your mum and she is your senior. But as I say that is probably u as I don't know what considerations people have.

Why would a fatter person get to go in front? Unless there were 3 to go in the back and it would be unfair on the others.

As you can tell it boils my piss when people use size (either being fatter or taller) to get what they want.

Heaviest person should sit in the front, in a crash the people in the back potentially slam into front seats. You want a lighter person (more likely to be restrained by seatbelt, less impact if they do hit). The front seat often has airbags so are more protected which is necessary for a person who weighs more. This is nothing to do with fatness as such it can also be relating to age (child vs adult) etc.

YANBU, I'd never dream of 'shot gunning' my mother! The oldest go in the front. :)

I sit in the front of my car, kids sit where they are told, nothing to do with fair, all to do with respect and manners. If we have people over and not enough seats the kids are also relegated to the floor! Does them no harm whatsoever (imo) to put their elders first.

The joy of being an adult is you get to shift kids to the back-seat and they will dot he same thing when they're adults.

Plus, (when you're a child) on the rare occasion it's just you and your parent in the car, it's always exciting to be allowed in the front - makes it special :)

I'm with you Lisa

You're quite right -tit's about manner and the social hierarchy!

The point isn't that the DD wanted to sit in the front. It's that she thought she shouldn't have to defer to her mother when asked to move to the back.

If the adult doesn't mind sitting in the back, there isn't an issue and there are clearly big cultural differences between families on the matter of who travels in the front which is why some posters are struggling to understand the problem.

What matters is that the DD tried to assert her equality to her mother by being uncooperative when asked to move. She should have just done as she was told and the OP's DH should have been prepared to back her up in expecting their DD to defer to her mother.

Pick your battles better OP!

Not unreasonable, but you are better off taking a stand over something more important and letting this one slide I reckon

I think you'll find that the small battles determine what happens in the big ones.
If you keep compromising in the small ones, then you will have a much bigger struggle in the truly important things too.

I'd say the exact opposite. You assert your authority over your posessions now or be prepared for much worse.

Small hijack here...

I agree with the OP, I sit in the front, even with adult children unless it's with the one who's carsick and then I'll happily sit in the back.

Most posters on here agree with that stance.

Yet - when it comes to somewhere like a DC swimming or dance class and there is limited seating, the overwhelming response is that it's fine for children to sit on the chairs and the adults can sit on the floor or stand.

What's the difference? Is it because those children aren't yours? Why do they get priority out, but not with your car?

What's the difference? Is it because those children aren't yours? Why do they get priority out, but not with your car?

The difference (see earlier post if you read the fucking thread) is one between sitting in a different seat or standing up or sitting on a hard, possibly wet or dirty floor.

It's not because the children are or aren't ours (what a silly argument - it doesn't even make sense in either context), because in both cases it's our children (or not) - I'd stand up and let children sit on a bus whether they are mine or not, and I'll choose where I sit in my car regardless of whether I carry my children or others (including adults).

If it's a dance or swimming class FOR CHILDREN then why should the adults have priority? Swimming lessons I was either in the pool with my kids or off doing something else. adults weren't encouraged to hang around and distract the kids. Same with dance classes, if you're not participating you go off and leave them to it.
If the instructors insist on me hanging about I expect them to provide seats but usually they're glad to see the back of parents and other assorted hangers on.