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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you had a 'difficult' baby....

95 replies

Totality22 · 11/04/2015 21:29

.... And ask you for coping strategies!!!!

DD is 11 weeks and as amazing as she is, my God is hard fucking work!!!!

She doesn't sleep well, she is prone to periods of inconsolable crying, she isn't happy unless she is being held and she generally just doesn't seem very happy.

I've ruled out anything medical and some days are worse than others.

I guess I am just looking for a little solidarity and some reassurance it gets easier

OP posts:
Original poster
Totality22 · 11/04/2015 21:31

Excuse my sleep deprived incoherence.... some of what I posted doesn't make sense but you get the drift!!!

OP posts:
BuntyCollocks · 11/04/2015 21:31

Have you ruled out reflux, silent or otherwise? Poor wee soul.

sparklepopsicles · 11/04/2015 21:32

She's 11 weeks old! she is just being a normal baby. I know you kat be exhausted but there is nothing unusual in her behavior and yes it will get better. Hang on there. Hold her when she wants cos she will grow up so fast. Hope you've got some support though and look after yourself too

Greenstone · 11/04/2015 21:33

Had two. The second is only 23 weeks. It gets easier, after 4 months in my experience. I'm still not getting any sleep but once the crying ratty phase is over the days are so much better! It will pass.

Lilylonglegs · 11/04/2015 21:34

All I can say is it does get better. Mine was always miserable and always crying (hours on end), although she does laugh a lot too. From about 4 weeks the only way to get any respite when she was not sleeping was with a dummy. The dummy saved my sanity, then I got rid of it when she was 7 months. She is a lot happier now. The only time she gets really moody and crying is when she is tired but then it only takes 5 minutes to rock her to sleep.

RandomMess · 11/04/2015 21:34

I have 4 dc, 1 was horrendous - turned out to be silent reflux. Was truly horrific and I've never felt such a failure in my entire life!

Original poster
Totality22 · 11/04/2015 21:34

We've seen GP and HV as I did worry about reflux. She is quite sicky but she is a good feeder (ebf). That is the only thing I've not had much trouble with yet

I have an older DS and he was nothing like this!! Maybe he was an incredibly easy baby?

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 11/04/2015 21:35

Honestly, she just sounds like a normal baby. Some are easy.
Some are less so. But it's normal.

It gets easier. Promise.

Coping strategies - well which bits are hard? Generally speaking, if you have a partner then getting up, showered and dressed before he/she leaves is key in the early days.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 11/04/2015 21:35

Yes it does ease off mildly after about 4 months so not long to go. Coping strategies include: not caring too much about cooking amazing dinners, keeping the house clean, being coherent when talking to other people. Make sure you get ten minutes a day just to have a shower, sit quietly. Netflix is your friend. Watch it whilst rocking baby in your arms.

WineSpider · 11/04/2015 21:35

I had one of tbese. She's a hilarious 18 month old now. Looking back though, they were dark days for the first 3/4 months.

I used to hate it when people said this to me but it really does get better and the time passes quicker than you realise. I never found a magic solution I'm afraid. Good luck you will get through it. Some babies just don't like being babies!

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 11/04/2015 21:36

Ah, ,cross post. So you've done this before Grin.

I think you got an easy one last time. How old is your older one - will he be back in school soon?

Lindy2 · 11/04/2015 21:36

I found putting baby in a sling during the day helped a lot. She would happily go to sleep cuddled next to me or be happy being carried around but I was able to do things like get a drink, make a snack etc. It is a phase though and will get easier as she gets older. She is still very new.

NormHonal · 11/04/2015 21:38

It will pass.

My DC1 was an unhappy baby. At the time there was "nothing medical" but as the years have passed, a couple of issues have been diagnosed, so perhaps there was something wrong all along?

It goes by very fast. Make sure you look after yourself and get some rest and breaks away from her. In our case things got easier with weaning, which makes sense given what I know now.

And with my tongue in my cheek....they start school eventually. At 3yo you get 15 hours of free childcare a week. I know that seems like a long way away now, but it will pass in a heartbeat. Really.

Onetwothreeoops · 11/04/2015 21:38

When my DS was tiny he was like this. He had tongue tie and silent reflux and also needed chiropractic treatment because he was "locked" in many joints.

It took quite a while to sort it all out but don't resign yourself to coping as it is because there may still be something someone can do.

Have you tried going to a cranial osteopath? If nothing is obvious they may still be able to help, I'm so grateful for the improvements made to mine and DSs quality of life through their treatment.

trashcanjunkie · 11/04/2015 21:38

My first was hard, but then I had twins, and even though it was more demanding, it wasn't as hard cos I knew what to expect.

Basically, if you are content to sit on your bum feeding and then stand rocking and swaying you are fine Grin

My advice would be to co sleep, if you're bf and have your latch sorted, sleep with your boobs out so you don't have to wake up to feed, or can nod straight back off, and my second bit of advice is get one of the cloth slings and wear the baby, or get some body else to whilst it's day time.

Sounds extreme but that's how I got through the early days with ds1. Somehow, it all fell into place second time round. I had a gap of seven years, so school run helped, and I really really wanted the next babies, with full knowledge of what that meant (obvs didn't know it was twins)

Maybe83 · 11/04/2015 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NormHonal · 11/04/2015 21:39

I second the idea of a cranial osteopath BTW.

MsWazowski · 11/04/2015 21:39

DD2 was terrible as a baby, screamed for 3 months solid (reflux). She's 16 now and the most lovely person you could ever wish to meet, I'm so proud of her.

Coping strategies? I just sort of carried her everywhere and tuned the noise out. Not much help sorry. She did start improving by about 4 months though.

I have a theory (completely unscientific) that the more difficult they are as a baby, the easier they are as a teen. DD1 was a dream baby and a bit of a nightmare at 14 Smile. She's lovely now though.

RandomMess · 11/04/2015 21:39

Mine had no problem feeding because she found eating helped her discomfort. Main sign was that any milk brought up, the tiny possets they do were instantly curdled. Also she would wake screaming and when you sat her up eventually got out the most massive burps.

Have tried a wrap sling that keeps her upright? Mine liked having slight pressure on her tummy.

sara11272 · 11/04/2015 21:40

DTD2 was very much like this! Cried all the time, didn't sleep well...six years on and while it's obviously a lot better, she's still a 'glass half empty' kind of girl. So partly I think it's just personality (sorry! Smile)

My coping strategy used to make me a bit sad, but it was basically if she wasn't crying to just leave her alone, as interacting with her in any way was liable to make her start again. So I always felt she had less interaction than DTD1, but conversely, this did seem to make her happier!

And hard as it is, just keep getting through it. One day she'll be able to crawl...then walk...all of these things did seem to make DTD2 happier. Although she's still not the sunniest child, I think some people just aren't that happy being babies! They do cheer up a bit as they get older.

Oh, one other thought - I took her for cranio osteopathy which did seem to help a bit in the very early days. She was von touse and people had said this can make babies a bit out of sorts. It wasn't a miracle cure but it did seem to lessen the crying a bit - maybe worth a try?

Good luck - it's hard but I'm sure you're doing a great job. It does get better!

trashcanjunkie · 11/04/2015 21:40

Ah, you've had the mythical easy first baby Grin I'd heard about those. Oh bless ya pet, you've got my sympathies!

Greenstone · 11/04/2015 21:41

Actually there was another medical issue with dd2 which made her very miserable. Even after it was resolved it took her quite a while to cheer up though. So I guess it depends on how much screaming there is.

Original poster
Totality22 · 11/04/2015 21:42

DS is only 2 and not due to start nursery until next year. There is a lot of guilt as he is sidelined more than i'd like as I'm dealing with baby.

OH is great but works FT.

Sling only works if I'm actually walking she can tell the difference

She wont take dummy, I try periodically.

OP posts:
LittleMissRayofHope · 11/04/2015 21:42

Dd is 2.8 now, she fed all night long til she was 9months. I co slept sporadically. She wanted holding until she learned to crawl really. Around 5/6 months. She was hard work but only because I let it feel like hard work.

DS is 7 months. I co sleep almost every night. He feeds 2/3 times at night. He weighs 9kg. He wants holding ALL DAY. He will sit for 5 mins. Go in his walker for max 15/20 mins. Otherwise he wants to be held. By me. Forever. He sequels (think stove top kettle) and cries quite a lot.

But somehow, he isn't hard work.
He will most likely be my last baby and I don't care this time about attachment issues, sleep training etc. didn't care much about this stuff with dd tbh
so it's not hard work. It's nature.

A baby doesn't really have wants a baby has need. Next time she's crying remember it is the only way she can tell you what she needs.

It's tough but it gets better. Don't wish time away as you will regret it later

kalidasa · 11/04/2015 21:44

DS2 is 10 weeks old and now we really understand how difficult DS1 was! Even though DS2 has colic (beginning to improve now) he is still a much, much easier and more rewarding baby than DS1 was. DS1 just didn't seem to enjoy being a baby very much. As I remember it improved a bit around 9 months when he started to be able to play properly with things, then a bit more at about a year, and from 18 months he was lovely and actually easy as toddlers go. Maybe DS2 will be a dreadful toddler!

At least if it's your second baby you know it's nothing you're doing wrong, and just how she is.