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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you had a 'difficult' baby....

95 replies

Totality22 · 11/04/2015 21:29

.... And ask you for coping strategies!!!!

DD is 11 weeks and as amazing as she is, my God is hard fucking work!!!!

She doesn't sleep well, she is prone to periods of inconsolable crying, she isn't happy unless she is being held and she generally just doesn't seem very happy.

I've ruled out anything medical and some days are worse than others.

I guess I am just looking for a little solidarity and some reassurance it gets easier

OP posts:

sugarman · 12/04/2015 11:40

Sounds like one of mine. I had 24hr nursing support till he was 6 months such was the volume and frequency of his cry. Now (7) diagnosed with sensory processing disorder which explains a LOT.
Not to suggest your lovely baby has a disorder but sometimes there is something hard to pinpoint. Just keep doing what you are doing, I would recommend cranial sacral therapy and swaddling.

Moleyjay · 12/04/2015 11:41

Mine was truly terrible. I look back on the first year ( yes year!) and shudder at the memory! God it was awful and people who have ' good' babies never seem to understand.
DS never slept. I remember taking him to the Dr and saying he is awake all day, literally does not nap, and he was still just a few weeks old. The Dr was not even slightly interested, neither was the health visitor.
There was one mum at a baby group with a similar sort of baby who we used to share horror stories of sleep deprivation who kept me going through the dark days! It made me feel better to know there were others out there who knew what it was like. I feel your pain!

StrawberryTot · 12/04/2015 11:51

My DD was horrendous, the one thing that got to me the most was she never slept for the first 6 months. She was also exclusively breastfed as she refused to take the bottle and believe me we tried everything short of one of them fake boobs on Meet the Fockers!! Eventually one day I cracked and left her to cry whilst I cried.
When I found out I was pregnant with DC2 I ended up depressed as I was terrified he'd be the same. I ended up with a lot of mental health support and thankfully he was so much easier as a baby but a nightmare toddler, he's 6 now and he's an easy kid.

Dutch1e · 12/04/2015 11:53

Not alone. Both of mine were like that. No wonder there's a 16 year age gap!

Dropped all beef products (including milk) when breastfeeding and weaning. Learned to spend more time in dark quiet places as they're Fucking drama queens Highly Sensitive Children.

Vast improvement although of course all the doctors said there was nothing medically wrong and the diet change would do nothing.

Mousefinkle · 12/04/2015 11:53

All three of mine had periods of being 'difficult'. DC1 was a massive shock to my system, he had colic pretty much from birth and just screamed what seemed constantly until he was about three months old. It was utterly exhausting, that's not even the right word to describe it... To put into context how exhausted I was, I was hallucinating. Once it passed he was such a wonderful baby, so calm and laid back! He must have been in so much pain .

DC2 and 3 were very 'clingy' babies and they still kind of are, they're just starting to grow out of it now at 2.5 and almost 4. Always screamed if I left the room, wanted to be held constantly, had massive separation anxiety and would scream blue murder if anyone other than DH and I so much as looked at them. DC3 wouldn't even let me have a bath at one point, I had to bath with her .

They were hard work! But the fog lifts and eventually you get 'me time' again and heavenly sleep! . I didn't enjoy the baby stage very much tbh and I wouldn't wish to have another child mainly because the baby stage is so damn hard...

wingsandstrings · 12/04/2015 20:30

I had a 'crier' first time round, arg it's SO exhausting, I sympathise. I essentially couldn't put him down for about 6 months as he would scream. He was also a very poor sleeper. Two things really helped:
A moby-wrap sling meant that I didn't have to put him down and could continue to some essential stuff that required two hands.
A baby-love mobile (think colour, lights, music). It had an almost drugging effect. I remember sitting eating a meal with DH and commenting that this was the first meal in months we'd had when neither of us was holding a baby - he was staring mesmerised at the mobile.
It does however get better. Also, difficult baby doesn't make for difficult child. When my DS hit about age 1 he became really easy, has been ever since, never had a toddler tantrum and is a very laid back and happy child. Hang in there.

Hottypotty · 12/04/2015 20:35

My difficult baby is also a fairly difficult 5 year old tbh but she at least sleeps now.
It will get better.

reallywittyname · 12/04/2015 20:52

No advice but and for you op. It will get better.

Purplepoodle · 12/04/2015 20:55

Havnt read other replies

Only dummy my bf babies would take were latex cherry dummies
Swaddling worked wonders

BuntyCollocks · 12/04/2015 20:58

Sicky, wants to be held, not sleeping well and inconsolable crying all say reflux to me. Ask to have a trial of ranitidine - my Dd was ebf and we missed her severe reflux for 6 months because, despite her being a very sicky baby, she slept fine - because she was in a hammock that kept her at an angle.

The minute she went into a cot, she stopped sleeping and was a sad wee thing.

quietbatperson · 12/04/2015 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooManyMochas · 12/04/2015 21:00

I'm another one whose 'challenging baby' blossomed into a mostly delightful 1 / 2 / 3yo, although he's still on the sensitive side and not a perfect sleeper. I remember it getting a bit easier at 4 months, and a bit easier again at 6 months, and quite a lot easier around a year. You will get there, but do take care of yourself as much as you can. I think there's a lot of wisdom in the idea that some babies just don't like being babies.

bigTillyMint · 12/04/2015 21:02

I did not have difficult babies. They were as easy as pie.

I have 2 difficult teens now though. Pay back time!

nottheOP · 12/04/2015 21:09

Be thankful you got an easy first baby, I'm still too scared to do a difficult baby again!!

My tips are earplugs for when it's your dh's turn
Cherry latex dummy. Ds took these but no others
Ds slept by crying first, every time. I felt less bad once I accepted there was nothing I could do about that.

try to lower your expectations. Your first was just really easy!

gointothewoods · 12/04/2015 21:17

Have you tried a sling?
Also recommend osteopath.
Ds was a nightmare and didn't sleep through until he was 6.
He rarely napped and if he did it was for very brief periods.
Screamed loudly. A lot. Very needy.
Mind yourself and take any help you can. I got pnd and didn't realise it until I went back to work, I was so addled and sleep deprived I didn't know which end was up.

Some kids are just like that.

Osquito · 12/04/2015 21:26

Yes, I have one - he's 11 months now and still as difficult as he was as a newborn. For the first few months I kept being told all boys are hard and that he'd change at 6th months... Then no, things would get so much better at the 8/9th month mark... When a HV finally told me I might simply have a demanding baby, that it was just how he is, it actually comforted me because it was depressing waiting for "the change" and it never happening.

I have no real coping strategies. A lot of days I am truly at the end of my tether, today has been one of it. Most of my stress is over whether he is unhappy, whether all these tantrums and hours of sobbing are going to leave some kind of imprint on his personality. I wonder if it will turn out he has some sort of disorder, his temper is just that immense and sensitive. I am too scared to have a second child because I just could not handle it if they were to be as tough to care for. He is constantly being compared to his step siblings, who were very relaxed and easygoing, which does not help. Reading threads like this are a comfort, just knowing that my DS is an ordinary little terror

frumpet · 12/04/2015 22:05

I think it very much depends on what you mean by difficult ? none of my children have slept through until at least 18 months , they all had colic for a mind numbing period of time . One used to cry until they vomited if I ever has the audacity to try and place him in a cot to sleep , until he was just over a year and then I think he only relented as a self preservation mechanism . I co-slept with all the little poppets far longer than is ever sensible , but on the plus side at least I did sleep for good portions of the night .
I think you make choices based on your coping abilities at the time , I wasn't a massive coper and so did what gave me the most hours sleep with the least amount of screaming and vomiting . Other people found a strict routine worked and others somewhere between the routine and my lunatic parenting .

dementedma · 12/04/2015 22:11

dd1 was like this. Turned out intolerant to cows milk. Switched to Soya and it was like a new baby!

HormonalHeap · 12/04/2015 22:26

I had one like yours. When she was 10 weeks old I remember opening a window and sticking my head out thinking "what have i gone and done?!" She cried all the time, constantly.

She's now 17, has her own life and is slipping away from me fast. Enjoy the bit in between. Just try and get enough sleep for now.

partypigeon · 13/04/2015 11:38

I could have written your op a few months ago! It suddenly changed almost overnight though and we now have the happiest most joyful and sociable 7 month old you could wish for. He still hardly sleeps and needs loads of stimulation but the smiles and affection make it all manageable. Can't offer any advice as the change just happened all by itself, but wanted to give you a bit of hope!

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