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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you had a 'difficult' baby....

95 replies

Totality22 · 11/04/2015 21:29

.... And ask you for coping strategies!!!!

DD is 11 weeks and as amazing as she is, my God is hard fucking work!!!!

She doesn't sleep well, she is prone to periods of inconsolable crying, she isn't happy unless she is being held and she generally just doesn't seem very happy.

I've ruled out anything medical and some days are worse than others.

I guess I am just looking for a little solidarity and some reassurance it gets easier

OP posts:

SummerHouse · 11/04/2015 22:55

Oh yes the cranial osteopath. Reflux ds2 vomited all over his trousers!

Original poster

Totality22 · 11/04/2015 23:06

I was under the impression that cranial osteopath were more beneficial to those that had long, drawn out labours?

(not sure why I think this now I write it down?)

OP posts:

SummerHouse · 11/04/2015 23:13

Oh yes that is true but also for very quick labours. Can't remember why but both have significance.

RandomMess · 11/04/2015 23:16

TBH all babies should be seen by an experienced cranial osteopath, probably > than 70% have got "something" from the confines of pregnancy and the physical trauma of birth!

Original poster

Totality22 · 11/04/2015 23:16

Oh right, I had a very quick labour this time so it might be worth looking into!

Thanks.

OP posts:

golemmings · 11/04/2015 23:23

Like others we saw a cranial osteopath. I'm not sure she made much difference - but ds could have been worse without her intervention. She was brilliant for my peace of mibd though and clocked his silent reflux at about 3 weeks.

6 weeks of screaming defeated me and i gave up dairy which made a significant difference to him.

He's 3 now, charming happy and funny; still can't tolerate dairy and still much prefers to sleep in the crook of my arm. Occasionally he sleeps through too.

Hang in there

SweetieXPie · 12/04/2015 00:19

You have my complete and utter sympathy, my DD2 was the same (her scream could shatter glass, it went right through me )
She did nothing but cry, she was never diagnosed with reflux (I did go to a very unhelpful HV who simply have me a leaflet and explained I must have a hard baby) as I look back now and on speaking with professionals later on (only as she had allergies) it sounds like she may well have had silent reflux.
All I can say is put baby down in a safe place (cot) and come out of the room if you need 10 minutes, (I am sure you already know this) just wanted to say don't feel guilty about doing this, I remember being at the end of my tether and this sometimes helped me regain my sanity.
Let the house go to pot.
Seriously does not last forever, I went on to have baby number three so it must have got easier at some point for me to even consider making baby number 3

Honeymoonmummy · 12/04/2015 00:23

I had the same experience - silent reflux. No vomiting at all for first 6 weeks and she did not stop crying. At All.

Honeymoonmummy · 12/04/2015 00:25

I posted on here at one point and was told it was just because she was a newborn. Don't rule it out and try to get as much help as you can x

Chchchchangeabout · 12/04/2015 00:29

Ours was sicky ebf baby too. Turned out to be reflux and tongue tie. I cut out dairy and massive, pretty much immediate improvement.

Honeymoonmummy · 12/04/2015 00:29

I should say she's now 6 and such an easy going lovely girl! I also tried cranial osteopath and had her on renitadine and domperidone. Gaviscon was useless. One thing that did stop her crying sometimes was white noise, we put the hairdryer on cold and left it on the floor!

IAmACuboid · 12/04/2015 00:52

DS1 was my difficult one, DS2 is very easy in comparison.

Having already had your DC1 I hope you're au fait with brushing off daft comments about "Oh it's all in your head, all babies are hard work" - um, no, some are really genuinely high need Velcro babies, people that say this stuff don't really get it! It helped me that my (lovely) HV recognised that my baby was trickier than most and told me so - it was nice to have some sympathy rather than just feeling incompetent!

If only I'd had some confidence in myself it would've been easier, but I was still expecting him to be like his baby buddies and be 'fixable'. Things got easier when I accepted that he was the way he was and adjusted things to fit him (rather than trying to make him into a 'normal' baby).
He was reflux/colic/bad feeder/bad sleeper/a miserable screaming exhausted baby, so I second guessed everything I did - what worked for us in the end was cosleeping, sling, late weaning, lots of close contact, and six months of ADs for me when PND was finally diagnosed...
Look after yourself, and seize the good moments with both hands and take lots of pics so you can remember the lovely bits when times are tough! I only really remember DS1 screaming for his first year, I love seeing pics of him smiling/calm as it proves he was occasionally happy!

He got easier with each milestone of mobility and communication. As the HV said, he just didn't like being a baby.

Bonus time: the Terrible Twos were easier to cope with as he'd always been hard going, whereas as some of my mum friends had a helluva shock when their easy babies turned into tiny terrors .

IAmACuboid · 12/04/2015 00:53

Jeez another epic post, sorry! Must learn to be more succinct.

IAmACuboid · 12/04/2015 00:54

And cranial Osteo did well for us too - worth a try.

BeaufortBelle · 12/04/2015 01:06

whispers gently

1944girl · 12/04/2015 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialmagiclady · 12/04/2015 07:27

Mine were both like this - could not bear to lie down on their backs. I now suspect silent reflux for both (though DS1 has been diagnosed with ASD and there are sometimes sensory issues for these children regarding lying on their backs).
With DS1 I spent my evening trying to get him to lie in the dark on his own and getting thoroughly depressed.

With DS2 I strapped him on my front with a cloth sling. During the day I could give both children attention. As soon as DH came home I went out for a walk with my earphones on and the baby strapped on. Usually, by the time I got half way down my road he was asleep. Then I would spend the evening mostly walking round the house jiggling as I could feel when he wasn't so deeply asleep. Finally, I would feel him drop into deep sleep (literally his body would drop, suddenly) and at that point I could sit down. At my bed time, he was utterly sparko and could be put in his cot.

The other thing I did with him was put him to sleep on his side. A friend lent me a thing that was supposed to stop him rolling over. I figured that the risk of cot death was less than or equal to his risk of harm from me being depressed over his lack of sleep (DS1 was very much at the 5am wake up at 100mph stage) .

The other thing for both was loads of tummy time during the day when he wasn't feeling clingy. Meant he was strong in the arms and could roll over early. Ds1 settled into being a front sleeper fairly soon after he could roll himself over (and still is)

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 12/04/2015 08:39

DS1 was difficultfrom 5 days old. When a friend of my mum's asked how he was and said "hard work!" she replied "well babies are!"

From that comment I spent the next two years thinking it was nothing to do with DS being a difficult baby/toddler, I was obviously just a crap mum who couldn't cope.

When DS2 was born I steeled myself for more of the same... and it never happened. DS2 slept for more than two hours at a stretch at night and had more than one 20 minute nap in the day, he didn't have colic, rarely cried, he put on weight while B/Feeding, when he got older he didn't have tantrums if we came in the 'wrong' door.

It was like a lighbulb going off - it wasn't my fault!

TarkaTheOtter · 12/04/2015 08:46

On a positive note my ds was a "terrible" (or typical depending on your viewpoint) newborn but blossomed into an incredibly easy going baby/young toddler. Dd had a great natural routine from birth and started sleeping through (7-7) by 11 weeks. All stopped at 4months though and she has been a challenge ever since (including still waking at 3yrs). So I don't think newborn behaviour counts for much in the grand scheme of things.

Original poster

Totality22 · 12/04/2015 08:51

Well we managed a few hours sleep. Had to resort to a duvet on living room floor and lights on. So as well as being exhausted I'm now achy and stiff too!!!

I guess everything seems worse at night but I'm dreading doing it all again later already.

She has been 'worse' the last few days so of it doesn't ease up I'll go back to GP. Last time I took her in the GP said it was ok to bring her in if she is constantly crying but not exhibiting any symptoms of illness which is reassuring.

She is due her next leap (I do read The Wonder Weeks and she did show all the signs for the last one) so will reassess in a few days.

She is currently passed out on my lap and I'm too scared to move her.

OP posts:

BohemianRaptor · 12/04/2015 09:01

I had a silent reflux baby and was fobbed off by gp and HV for ages until I went in and threw a book on the gp's desk that listed all the symptoms of silent reflux, every single one of which my DS had, and demanded a referral. Silent reflux can't be ruled out without barium x-rays btw. I still get angry thinking about how much we both needlessly suffered because no-one would take me seriously. Good news is he turned into a very easy toddler and now at 6 is a lovely, easy going child. I like to think it's my reward for surviving that horrendous first year.

WhispersOfWickedness · 12/04/2015 09:13

My DC2 cried and whinged all the time, unless I was holding her. She got slightly better when she learnt to crawl and a lot better when she learnt to walk (thankfully early at ten months!), so I think she just didn't like being a baby very much. She is still FIERCELY independent at 3.8yo

Lozzapops · 12/04/2015 10:11

I found things improved after around 4 months (enough improvement to stop using the dummy during the day time, but still lots of standing up rocking and jigging baby). The real improvement came when she could sit up at around 5ish months, and things just got better each time she was able to do something new. So once she could sit, crawl, stand and then walk, things just kept improving. Now have a feisty 18 month old, who is still a bit of a challenge sometimes, but feels more on par with other children her age. When she was under 6 months, compared with our friends with similar age babies, she was clearly a very high needs baby.
It really does get better. Pop her in a sling, use a dummy, accept that you'll need to spend a bit of time rocking her and walking around with her, and just look forward to a couple of months down the line!

PlummyBrummy · 12/04/2015 11:32

I feel for you OP, I really do. And I second all the wise things that previous posters have already said/suggested. I'll add that my DC1 was a non-sleeping, crying wriggler who'd not let me sit down whilst holding her. Innumerable cups of teas with friends went cold whilst I went outside to jiggle and calm her. It was like she wanted a change of scenery every ten mins or so to stop from getting bored. But when I put that theory forward, other mums acted like I was trying to talk her up! And I had to listen to lots of 'advice' about how other people got their babies to sleep - quite easily apparently!
As it turns out, she was an early crawler, walker and talker and her personality has utterly blossomed the more independent she has been able to make herself. It's been astounding - and no one can remember the cranky baby she was when confronted with the sparkly toddler she is now. Hate to repeat what others have said which is what you prob don't want to hear just now but it does pass and it does get easier, honest!

Original poster

Totality22 · 12/04/2015 11:39

Just had a bit of a cry. Feeling so sorry for myself and my toddler (who is out with daddy!)

I hate to be wishing away her babyhood but we're all being affected so negatively. She has actually been sleeping for an hour but as I am never sure she'll stay asleep I've not bothered sleeping myself.

Happy days hey!

OP posts:

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