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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with his slack timekeeping

96 replies

peacoat · 10/04/2015 19:58

So. Every time I tell my DP our leaving time (e.g. 9am this morning) he takes longer to get ready. This morning he was 40 minutes late. Last week we left 1.15 late to go somewhere as he just potters about uselessly.

To be fair, they weren't terribly urgent places we had to go, but it's so frustrating.

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 10/04/2015 20:01

Tell him you need to leave earlier then.

straighttothepoint · 10/04/2015 20:01

Start going without him. What a twat, unless he is a teenager spending hours ding his hair!!

DieselSpillages · 10/04/2015 20:01

This is shit.. leave without him, he'll soon get the message.

Kerberos · 10/04/2015 20:02

My DP can be the same. Drives me mad. We are 20 mins late leaving for somewhere and he decides to empty the recycle bin or something equally NOT necessary.

I now announce loudly that I'm going, put the kids in the car and he gets his arse in gear.

TooTiredToThinkOfAUsername · 10/04/2015 20:03

V annoying YANBU.

But do you think he might be doing it deliberately? My sister used to do things like that to deliberately wind me up...

Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:04

He is just slow and disorganised. He starts to get ready far too late and then is too bloody slow. I'm a control freak and like things to be tight.

I think it may be the last straw.

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IFinishedTheBiscuits · 10/04/2015 20:05

Wish I knew the answer. I'm rarely late for important things, always 10 minutes late for work, about an hour late if we're going out at the weekend, and a couple of hours late going to bed - every night.
I'm guessing he doesn't feel it's important enough to rush for but no, YANBU.

Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:05

We don't have kids so it's just him and me. I can't imagine just leaving on my own.

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IpsyUpsyDaisyDo · 10/04/2015 20:07

My MIL is like this, it's a passive-aggressive thing, it gets everyone dancing to their tune. Just continue on time and say if he's not ready he can catch you up / come next time. I find it incredibly irritating but keep breathing and try to regain control! Wink

Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:07

Last weekend I took him on a surprise weekend away and told him we were leaving at midday (building in 30 minutes) - we left at 1.15pm. He was dead excited so I doubt it was deliberate. Just feels like I have an adolescent I have to look out for.

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AlpacaLypse · 10/04/2015 20:07

DP used to be rubbish like this. When his sister got married she created and sent him a special invitation with the time shown as half an hour earlier than everyone else. She did tell me what she'd done, and I thought it was genius! When we were hurtling along, 20 minutes late (as he thought) I couldn't stand the stress of his impatient driving any more and told him to steady on, we'd be fine - and explained the Cunning Plan.

He was furious at the time but saw the funny side later.

He's never pissed me about quite as badly since, as he's never sure if an appointment time is 'real' or 'doctored', if it's come through me.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 10/04/2015 20:08

And if ever I'm 30 minutes ahead of schedule, that seems like the ideal time to fit in a 30 minute job, which inevitably takes 40 minutes... and so it continues.

JeanSeberg · 10/04/2015 20:10

Is he regularly late for work?

Artandco · 10/04/2015 20:11

Dh does this, but doesn't realise he's late until he times gone.

So say we are meeting friends at 7pm, 30 mins away. At 6.40pm il start saying we should txt or call and say we are running late. He will say we aren't late as meeting at 7pm. Then will call them at 7.01pm to say running 10 mins or so late, when we haven't even left yet

comedancing · 10/04/2015 20:11

This would drive me mad. My dh used to do this. If l arranged to meet him for coffee he could be 30 minutes late. I am never late. I told him after a while longer will wait 10 mind then lm gone. Did it once and he has never been late meeting me since. Actually he is often there early now. It's just a bloody habit. He still does that thing of getting distracted into some useless task just as we are ready to leave the house. I jump into car and say lm heading off now..then he gets a move on. I got better at this from living with teenagers.. I say lm going without you if not ready. After doing it a few times they believe me now.

Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:12

IFinished - I understand that (used to be the same actually - leave for a 30 minutes journey at EXACTLY 30 minutes, not accounting for trouble along the way, and always turn up late).

How does your work handle your tardiness?

Apalca (love your name) I've tried this but he just doesn't get stressed about being late.

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Missda · 10/04/2015 20:13

I do this :) I just can't help it.... Drives OH mad.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 10/04/2015 20:13

Agree that it can be a passive aggressive thing, but he might just be disorganised and easily distracted. Depends on if lateness is a deal breaker for you, or if he has other - possibly similarly laid back - traits, which compensate.
Not likely that he'll change though.

Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:14

He used to be late for work in jobs gone past but he's picked his game up now. He just potters around and doesn't seem to get it. It's like he just doesn't see it. Time blindness?

Artandco that would have me raging.

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IFinishedTheBiscuits · 10/04/2015 20:19

peacoat, I work flexitime so always make time up but know people are usually expecting me ten minutes earlier.
I'm never late for meetings though. I think it all depends on my perceived importance of the event and level of anxiety around being late.

Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:23

I want your job! I'd love to work flexitime. But I digress.

I think you're right about perceived importance. In terms of DP - I have never perceived anxiety on his part about being late.

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MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 10/04/2015 20:25

I would hate this. I despise lateness or anyone pissing about and making me late.

AlpacaLypse · 10/04/2015 20:34

peacoat What really brought it home was the fact that his sister had thought it necessary to go to effort of making a special invitation just for him, and that no one else thought it was unreasonable. He mentioned it to various friends and family, treating it as a funny story but was taken aback by the fact that every single person laughed, said he thoroughly deserved it, and started telling tales about how he'd turned up late for x and y and z...He'd truly not realised how annoying his friends and family found his elastic attitude to time keeping was.

Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:47

Apace that is significant. Sounds like he has great friends too - tolerant but honest.

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Original poster
peacoat · 10/04/2015 20:47

No! Alpaca, not apace.

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